


Too Many Pies

by albafee



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - Pizza Place, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drunken Shenanigans, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Love, M/M, Marijuana, Mental Health Issues, Party Games, Past Child Abuse, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Slow Burn, allow me to repeat- ANGST, tws in authors notes and chapter summaries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-01-31 00:26:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 59,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21437170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/albafee/pseuds/albafee
Summary: Sasuke is a miserable college student: annoying roommates, a run-down apartment building, useless group project members, and an impending anniversary are all conspiring to drive him to the edge of insanity. Can Naruto, the friendly pizza deliveryman, cheer him up?Started as a silly fic but somewhere along the way feelings got involved so it got pretty serious, oops haha.COMPLETE, multi-chapter, check tw's in chapter summaries and beginning notes
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 61
Kudos: 164





	1. Lemon Gelato

**Author's Note:**

> Idea spawned by @lesbianbichen and @naruting on tumblr, encouraged by the SNS groupchat on tumblr as well, love you guys ;3
> 
> This is the first fic I've ever published, please be gentle uwu

“Sasukeeeee, come oooon! You have money, just buy some pizza!”

Sasuke slammed the kitchen cabinet shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Fine! Fine. But you’re _ going _ to get groceries tomorrow, understood?” Suigetsu gave a toothy grin, and Sasuke resisted the urge to smack it right off his face. _ As soon as this lease is up, I’m moving to my own place, _he grumbled internally.

“Can you get enough for us, too? We’re _ starving _,” Karin called from the living room, where she was about twenty minutes in to her attempt to flatten Jūgo’s hair. He sat quietly on the floor at her feet while she worked, watching whatever nonsense was on the TV. Sasuke rolled his eyes, pulling out his phone. 

“Am I the only one around here capable of feeding myself?” Sasuke wondered aloud, dialing the number for the pizzeria a few blocks away. _ I wonder if it’s any good since it changed management. I never buy pizza, so I wouldn’t know… _

“Are you really gonna order for delivery? You can just walk.”

“It’s fucking _ cold _ outside, Suigetsu, you wanna go freeze to death walking there?”

Sasuke heard him answer, but the phone picked up just then and he promptly ignored him.

“Thank you for calling Senju’s Pizza! My name’s Tenten, how can I help you?” came a cheery woman’s voice.

“Yeah, can I order three pizzas for delivery. One hamburger, one peppers and onions, one regular.” All three mouthed silent “thank you’s”, hands pressed together like a prayer. Sasuke was lots of things, but he wasn’t forgetful; he knew their orders for every restaurant in the area by heart. Regardless, his only response was to glare at them.

“Okay, anything else?”

“That’ll be all.”

“Oh, c’mon Sasukeeeee,” Suigetsu whined.

“Ugh! Sorry, can I also get a lemon gelato?”

“Of course! Anything else?”

“No, that’s all.” He said this with a pointed look at Suigetsu, who laughed. Sasuke rolled his eyes again. _ I live with morons. Morons! Complete and utter fools! _

“Fantastic! Your address?”  
“23 Hawk Street, 2nd floor.”

“And is the phone number you’re using now the best way to reach you?”

“Yeah. Our buzzer doesn’t work so you can just call when you get here.”  
“Okay, I’ll make a note! Thank you very much! Your order should be there in… 45 minutes?” Someone in the background muttered something. “Yeah, 45 minutes or so.”   
“Okay, thanks.”

“Thanks to you, too! Thanks again for ordering Senju’s Pizza, have a great night!”

“You, too.”

Sasuke hung up the phone.

“Everybody happy now?”

“Thanks, Sasuke!” they chorused. He grumbled unintelligibly as he wandered back into the kitchen, trying for the fourth time to sit down and concentrate on his homework. 

“Also, Karin, if you get hair gel on my couch I’ll kill you brutally and unmercifully.”

“Oh, please, you love me too much to kill me.”

“He literally tells you how much he hates you on the daily,” Suigetsu pointed out.

“It’s love-hate.”

“Then by that logic we’re also in a love-hate relationship.”  
“God, shut _ up _ !” she shrieked, and Sasuke heard something hit the wall. _ Probably another one of the eight million fucking water bottles Suigetsu keeps leaving around. _ He laughed boisterously, completely unperturbed by the hurled object.

“Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me!”  
“Kiss my ass, Suigetsu!”

Sasuke put his head down on the table as they began to bicker again._ I can’t take it anymore. These fucking idiots are driving me to the brink of insanity and I have an essay due tomorrow that I’ve barely started. Someone save me. _ He took a long breath. _ Alright, quit being a dramatic bitch and get to work. _ He reached for the earbuds attached to his laptop, scrolling back through his playlist to the song he left off on before Suigetsu’s rummaging had distracted him. He turned up the volume until he couldn’t hear the arguing anymore, until he couldn’t even hear his own racing thoughts. There was only the music and the words on his screen, and he felt himself melt into a focus so strong it couldn’t be broken.

Except by the frantic buzzing of his phone beside his hand.

Sasuke blinked, scrambling to tug off his earbuds and answer the phone. _ How did that much time pass already?! _

“Hello?”  
“Hey, it’s the pizzaman. I’m downstairs.”

“Just a sec.”

“‘Kay.”

The line went dead as Sasuke threw on a jacket and bounced into his shoes. He heard the shower running- _ is Suigetsu seriously taking another shower?! _ \- and Karin was playing idly with Jūgo’s hair while they watched Law and Order SVU, clearly having given up on getting it to lay flat. _ They’re not even gonna offer to help bring up the food they made me order, the absolute bums! _ He let the door shut louder than necessary, digging around in his pockets for his wallet as he took the stairs two at a time.

The breeze that blew in as he opened the front door was brutal, making his already wind-burnt cheeks sting anew. 

“Hey, sorry about that, how much-” Sasuke stopped short with his hand half in his wallet as he looked up. _ Whoa… _The deliveryman’s eyes crinkled as he smiled, big and bright. They were the color of the sea on a clear day, reminding him of a home he hadn’t seen in ages. It made him ache even as the infectious joy that radiated from the man’s face softened something inside him. The man spoke, but Sasuke didn’t understand any of the words. All he heard was the bell-like timbre of his laugh echo over and over in his head.

“I-I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” The man shifted his weight onto one hip, shaking his head so the wind would blow his hair out of his eyes. 

“Sorry, this fuckin wind man. I said no problem, it’s $52.97.” Sasuke nodded quickly, averting his eyes to his wallet. His face burned differently now as he struggled to get his shaking hands to cooperate with the bills, the corners of which had gotten caught in the zipper. “You got a party going or something?” Sasuke snorted, calming down a little as he finally managed to get them free.

“No, my friends are just animals.” The pizzaman laughed again, and Sasuke couldn’t help but smirk a little.

“I feel ya, man. My friends eat like that, too.” Sasuke handed him the money, and he handed Sasuke the pizzas. “I taped the receipt to the top of the box, I hope that’s okay. Everything keeps getting blown away.” He chuckled again, but this time it was different: breathy and nervous, still trying to be casual as he scratched the back of his head. His hands were raw and red with cold, Sasuke noticed, as he took the boxes from him. Glancing behind him into the street, he spotted the bicycle with other orders strapped to the back. _ It’s too cold to be running around without gloves like this... _

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Cool! Enjoy your meal, and tell your friends I said to behave.” He winked.

“Haha, um, yeah, sure. Thanks.”

He closed the door abruptly and speed-walked toward the stairs, blood pounding in his ears. _ Stupid, stupid, stupid! What the hell was that?! Are you an idiot?! You don’t just slam doors in people’s faces! Stupid! _ A timid knock sounded against the door behind him, and he groaned. _ Fuck, oh my god, the gelato, he’s still holding the gelato, isn’t he? _ Sasuke carefully placed the boxes on a bench in the hallway and jogged back to the door, trying to ignore his blushing as he opened the door again.

“The gelato?”

“Yeah, the gelato.” They both giggled nervously. _ I feel like an idiot. _ “Sorry about that, I totally forgot I was holding it.”   
“No worries, I’m usually more put together than this.” _ Why am I admitting that?! What’s wrong with me?! _ “Anyway, thanks again, uh…” He trailed off, realizing he didn’t know his name.

“Naruto,” he said, handing over the bag.

“Sasuke.”

For a moment they just lingered awkwardly in the doorway. Naruto jammed his hands in his pockets. 

“Anyway, uh… have a good night.”

“You, too. Stay warm.”

“Heh, you, too.”

With that Naruto left, and Sasuke shut the door, against which he promptly slammed his forehead repeatedly. _ If I could just drop dead now, that’d be great. _ For a moment he just stayed there with his head pressed to the door. But, it was cold in the hallway, and the whining he’d hear if he brought up cold pizzas was truly an unbearable thought, so he pulled himself together, pushing away from the door.

“God, I’m so glad I never gotta see that guy again.” He sighed, wandering back to the bench to pick up the pizzas. He traipsed up the stairs, feeling more exhausted with each step. By the time he opened the door to his apartment, he was ready to lie down for the rest of his life. He set the pizzas and gelato on the coffee table. Suigetsu had rejoined at some point while he was gone, sprawled out on the recliner with a towel draped over his shoulders, his hair still dripping.

“Aren’t you having some?” Jūgo asked, eyebrows raised with concern.

“Not hungry.” 

“I’ll freeze the leftovers.”

“Do whatever you want.

“Sasuke, you feeling okay? Your face is all red,” Karin pointed out, which only made Sasuke’s blush intensify.

“Who are you, my mother?” he snapped, turning around to get his stuff from the kitchen. “I’ll be in my room.”

“Okay, grumpypants. Feel better soon!” Suigetsu called over his shoulder, already digging in.

“Don’t come back ‘til you’re less of a bitch!” Karin added.

“Everybody be nice,” Jūgo admonished. Sasuke scowled at them all as he passed by, his laptop tucked under his arm, and disappeared into the bedroom. He flopped down on his bed and switched to a more angsty playlist, determined to finish the essay even if it killed him. _ Just forget the whole thing. Focus. _


	2. Sasuke... in Love?

Sasuke found himself thinking about the encounter for days afterward, anxiety being the bitch that it is, despite his best efforts to forget. Every time, his face burned. Eventually, though, the embarrassment began to fade, and life went on. It was just the little things every now and then that reminded him of Naruto: the rich blue color the sky turned just before nightfall was the same as Naruto’s eyes. Now, whenever he caught a shock of blonde hair in his peripheral vision, he always did a double-take. He started keeping an extra pair of gloves in his pockets, just in case someone needed them.

The whole thing was really weird, and Sasuke didn’t know what to do about it. Never before had someone so quickly made such a strong impression on him. _Does he remind me of someone I know, or used to know?_ he wondered. _Have we met before? There’s gotta be a reason my mind is fixating on him like this... _

“Helloooo, earth to Sasuke!” 

He blinked, snapping back to reality. His coffee mug was growing colder in his hand, and Ino made no effort to hide her impatient expression. It was something he’d always liked about her; there was never a need to guess what she was feeling. 

“The hell’s the matter with you lately? It’s like you’re on another planet!” She leaned forward, tone dropping severely. “Are you taking your meds?”

“Of course I am,” he replied instantly. She squinted suspiciously at first, but Sasuke's unbroken eye contact must have convinced her at least a little bit, as she merely pursed her lips and folded her arms over her chest.

“Then spill it! There’s gotta be something going on and I wanna know!” He took a sip of his coffee, if only to delay the inevitable.

“Just been thinking about stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?” He shrugged. “Sasuke,” she warned. He just helplessly shrugged again.

“It’s stupid.”

“So what?” He sighed, closing his eyes and taking another sip of coffee.

“Promise you won’t make fun of me.” Her eyes flashed with amusement.

“You know I can't promise you that.”

“It was worth a shot.”

He sighed again, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

“I just had an awkward social interaction the other day, and I’ve been obsessing over it since then, that’s all. I’ll get over it eventually.” Ino narrowed her eyes.

“That’s it? Just a weird social interaction?” Sasuke chewed on the inside of his lip.

“I mean, that’s the only thing out of the usual.”

“The usual being?”

“Stressing out over school, living with lunatics, dealing with all these issues.” He tapped his temple, and paused to take another sip of his coffee. “Anyway, how’s the missus?” They both knew he was eager to change the subject, and rather than continue the line of questioning, she mercifully let it go, smiling at the mention of Sakura.

“We’re not married yet, Sasuke, jeez. But she’s good. She’s been going absolutely nuts lately studying for the MCAT, so last night I made her take a break to give her a spa day. I cut and dyed her hair, did her nails, the works. Even made dinner.” Sasuke quirked a brow.

“You _cooked_?”

“I did, and it came out tasty _ and _pretty this time! Look!” She thrusted her phone in his face, making him jerk back in his seat. He pushed her hand back so he could focus on it.

“Damn, that’s… those are some gorgeous dumplings. Sakura’s lucky.” 

Ino grinned, taking her phone back and scrolling.

“I managed to finish just as she was getting home. And I made this ahead of time for dessert.” She showed another picture, this time of a colorful fruit salad.

“Impressive. Who would've guessed you had it in you?" he teased. She batted at his arm.

“I've always been _capable_, it was just a matter of _desire. _It’s amazing what a person is willing to do for love.” She smiled fondly at the picture, and Sasuke could see in her eyes the statement was genuine. _ I wonder what it’s like to be in love like that. _ He blinked. _ Where did _ _ that_ _ come from? Since when do I care about love? _She contemplatively tilted her head to the side.

“What?” Sasuke asked. She placed her cup down carefully, still not breaking eye contact.

“I think you need a night off, too.”

“Huh?”

“A night off. Y’know, like a night where you don’t do work and just chill doing something you like?” Sasuke rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, I’m familiar with the concept. But I can't tonight, I have a lot of work to do. My group-mates are useless so I’m carrying our whole project by myself and it’s due Tuesday, and I’m not even halfway done.” Ino squinted, trying to scope out a lie, but for once he wasn’t just making up excuses. If the resigned exhaustion in his eyes didn't convince her, then the black bags beneath them certainly had to.

“Tell ya what, then: we’re having a movie night next Saturday. There’s gonna be lots of booze and drinking games. It’s mindless, and you can get shitfaced if you want because the couch in the basement is right there, no one else has claimed it. You don’t even have to talk to anyone if you don’t want to. All I ask in return is that you edit a research paper for me before Thursday. Deal?”

Sasuke considered the offer. _Some drinks __and a movie actually sounds great. I don't think I'll get shiftfaced, that's a lot, but maybe it'd be good to let loose a little. And her research papers aren’t ever as bad as she thinks they are, so it’s not like it’s gonna be hard work. If anything, it's a pleasant distraction from everything else… _

“Deal.” Ino’s grin became downright shit-eating.

“Sweet! I’ll let Sakura know, she’ll be _ so _happy to see you again. It’s been a while.” She stood up, straightening her skirt. “I gotta run, but I’ll see you next Saturday. Eight o’clock?”

“Eight o’clock,” Sasuke agreed. She shot him one last smile as she hauled her giant purse over her shoulder and dropped the money for her coffee on the table next to him.

“Amazing, darling. You're a lifesaver, you're gonna have a great time.” He waved her off. She'd linger for another twenty minutes parting ways if he let her.

“Go, you'll be late for class.”

"Okay, I'm going! Bye!"

"Bye."

Sasuke spent another two hours studying at the coffee shop before he finally decided to leave. He caught a bus to the other side of town, and by the time he got home Suigetsu’s car was parked outside the building. Unsurprisingly, the shower was running when he walked in. _ I’ve never met a person who needs to take so many fucking showers. It's incredible, really. He works in an office building, it’s not like he’s doing hard labor or sweating or anything. Part of me wants to ask but... _He shivered. _Yeah, I probably don't need to know the answer to that question. _Sasuke dumped his stuff on his desk chair, fully intending to do more work. His bed caught his eye, though, and he stared at it longingly. _I __haven’t had a proper night’s sleep in days. Surely a little nap would do more good than bad, right? _He closed the door and changed into sweats, actually feeling _excited _to slip under the covers. He pulled them all the way up to his chin, popping his hands out briefly to set an alarm on his phone. _ Just an hour, and then I’ll get back to work. _He yawned, his eyes slipping shut. _Just an hour..._

He awoke in a daze. The room was dark, and his head pounded as he shifted onto his side. He had to force his tongue to unstick from the roof of his mouth. _ What the fuck…? _ It was so cold outside the shell of his blanket, he thought at first he’d left the window open. He reached over the nightstand and tapped the glass pane. It was not only shut, but also locked, he realized, as he tried to pry it open from the bottom. _ There’s no way there’s a draft coming in. We just got it resealed… _ He found his phone under his arm, the screen piercingly bright. _What the hell?! How is it nine already! What happened to my one hour alarm?! _He crawled to the edge of the bed, feeling around in the dark for a sweatshirt and slippers. He slinked out of the room, pulling up the hood and shoving his hands in his pockets. It was even colder in the hallway.

“Nice of you to rejoin the land of the living, Sleeping Beauty." Sasuke nearly jumped out of his skin. Suigetsu was leaning against the wall just outside his bedroom, looking absolutely delighted by the fact that Sasuke's heart had stopped for a second there.

"You scared the _shit _outta me, asshole! The hell are you doing just standing out here?!”

"Karin kicked me out of the living room because I was 'being too distracting'-" He air quoted this. "-or whatever. Can you believe that? Me? _Distracting_?!" _He's even stupider than I thought... _Sasuke clapped a hand on his shoulder, expression inscrutable. Suigetsu actually looked hopeful, like he might say something encouraging. This was not the case.

"Suigetsu, no offense, but you're _literally_ the most distracting person on the planet." He blabbered in incoherent shock, eyes wide and jaw dropped.

"Sasuke! Do you really think that?!"

"This really shouldn't be a surprise. I tell you all the time you're annoying."  
"_Annoying_?!"

“Could you two shut _ up_, I’m on the _ phone_!” Karin snapped from the living room. 

They settled quickly, exchanging a skittish glance. They knew better than to invoke the wrath of Karin, and if that meant a temporary truce, then so be it.

"We’ll finish that conversation later," Suigetsu said, much quieter this time. _Yeah, that’s not happening._

“Whatever. Wanna tell me what's going on?” He shrugged.

“Dunno. Everything went out, like, an hour or two ago. Heat, hot water, electricity, the whole nine yards. We thought maybe it’d fix itself and kick back on but it hasn’t, so Karin’s calling Mr. Shimura.”

“Ugh, as if this fuckin' place didn’t have _ enough _issues," Sasuke grumbled, scuffing at a broken floorboard for emphasis.

“Right? Also, before you start yelling at me, I _ did _buy groceries, but now we can’t cook anything, so I ordered pizza.” Sasuke sighed heavily. 

“At least it’s cold enough that the stuff in the fridge won't go bad.” 

Now that he was thinking about food, his stomach decided to give a mighty growl. Suigetsu stared at him, an amused smile slowly spreading over his face.

“Forget to eat?”

“I didn’t _ forget _ ,” Sasuke corrected, “I just... slept through dinner.” _ That’s not any better. _Suigetsu snorted.

“Aw, baby Sasuke needed a lil nappy wappy, huh?”  
“Ugh, shut _ up _, Suigetsu,” Sasuke ground out, bumping him aside to get to his scarf hanging by the door.

“Ooh, baby’s still gruuuumpyyyy,” he sang jeeringly. Sasuke ignored him, tucking his nose into the warm flannel of his scarf and zipping his jacket over his sweatshirt. Suigetsu’s phone began to ring. “Well, since you’re already by the door and _ I _paid for it this time, you can go get the food.” Before Sasuke could argue, he pressed the speaker button. 

“Hey, it’s the pizza guy. I’m downstairs,” came an indistinct, crackling voice.

“Yeah, he’s coming down now,” he said, and Sasuke shot him a venomous glare.  
“Dick move.”

He pounded down the stairs and swung open the front door. The deliveryman’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline.

“Oh hey, it’s you. Are you okay?” Naruto asked. Sasuke started. _ He remembers me, too? This guy must see a hundred people a day, but he still knows exactly who I am. We had to have met before or something... _

“Yeah, just mad that our heat’s out,” he admitted. “It’s fuckin’ cold.” Naruto smiled sympathetically.

“I feel that man, my building went out last week. Woke up so cold I thought my bones froze.” He thrust out the boxes to Sasuke with a little chuckle at himself. “It’s all paid for, even the tip, and the receipt’s taped to the top again. And here, the gelato.” He placed the bag on top, and again Sasuke saw how raw his hands were, splitting at the knuckles. _ Gloves, gloves in pockets. _

“Thanks. Uh, before you go... here.” He balanced the boxes on one hand and dug into his pocket with the other, producing the extra pair of gloves. 

“Are these for me?” Naruto asked, gingerly taking them with wide eyes.

“Yeah. I… I’ve been carrying an extra pair in case someone needs them. And it seems like you need them.”

“Oh my god, that’s so nice! Are you sure? ‘Cause like, I’m okay without them, I swear.” Sasuke shrugged, feigning nonchalance.

"I've got another pair. It's no trouble, really." Naruto's smile was almost too bright to look at, as if the sun itself shone through his face.

“Oh my god, _ thank _ you! My last pair got completely destroyed and I don’t get paid til Saturday so I haven’t been able to replace them. This is gonna be a lifesaver! It’s supposed to snow tomorrow, y’know? And if it stays this windy it’s gonna be a real bitch. For real, thank you so, _ so _much.” _He's so... happy. How can a person even be that happy? _Sasuke could feel his blush extend to his ears.

“No problem. Have a good night, okay?”

“You, too, Sasuke! Hope you get your heat back soon!”

Naruto waved as he bounded down the steps back to his bicycle, donning the gloves as he went. Sasuke watched him get on the bike, testing the grip on his handlebars, and he smiled up at him from the street, giving him an exuberant thumbs up.

“Thanks again!” Sasuke waved a little as he sped off with the rest of his orders, and he closed the door as he disappeared onto the next block. Sasuke’s walk back up the stairs was much calmer, even closing his apartment door softly behind him.

“Well somebody’s looking better,” Suigetsu teased, taking the boxes. “You start eating this already?”

“No. Why would I do that?”

"I dunno, can’t think of any other reason your mood would have changed so quickly.”

“Who says I’m in a better mood?”  
“You were smiling when you walked in?” Sasuke snorted.

“You’re delusional.” 

In reality, though, he hadn’t realized what face he was making. _ Was I smiling? Maybe I was. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel nice to give Naruto those gloves. He was so grateful. I just hope his hands get better. I know how painful it is to have them split open like that… _Sasuke followed Suigetsu into the living room, where he set down the pizzas on the coffee table. Karin was lighting a bunch of candles all over the room- on the TV stand, the windowsill, the coffee table on the one edge the pizza boxes didn't reach- in an attempt to get a little warmth into the room. Sasuke moved two slices onto a plate, the heat of the crust striking against his cold fingers.

“Eh! Where are your pills?” Karin asked quickly, swatting at him.

“Chill! I’m getting them right now. Just wanted to put some aside before you monsters eat it all.”

“You know I’d save you some.” She pouted. “You always underestimate me.” Sasuke didn’t bother answering, walking into the bathroom and grabbing the lactaid. He shook the bottle as he reentered the living room, making the pills rattle.

“See? Got ‘em right here.”

“Good. Last thing we need is you complaining about your stomach all night on top of everything else.”  
“When have I ever complained about my stomach to you, Suigetsu? Name one time.”  
“Don’t need to, all I know is I don’t wanna hear it.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, popping four pills into his mouth and swallowing them dry as he sat cross-legged on the floor. Suigetsu cringed.

“How do you do that without any water?” Sasuke shrugged, finally taking his first bite of pizza. It tasted exactly the same as it did under the old management: minimally greasy with a crunchy crust. _ One good thing out of tonight, then: I can still stomach Senju’s. _

“Used to it,” he replied at last.

“You’re a weird fuckin’ guy, you know that?”  
“I’ve been informed. Then again, I’m not the guy who ordered gelato when our apartment is a veritable ice box.”

Jūgo walked in then, disrupting the conversation.

“It’s kinda cold in here,” he remarked. They all just blinked up at him.

“Uh… yeah, buddy. The heat’s out and it’s, like, thirteen degrees outside,” Suigetsu pointed out.

“Oh, that would explain it.” Suigetsu, Sasuke, and Karin all shared a vaguely concerned glance as Jūgo joined Sasuke on the floor

“You really are a human furnace, aren’t you?” Suigetsu asked, only half-joking. Jūgo merely shrugged again as he wedged the hamburger pie out from the bottom of the pile. 

“I’m six and a half feet of pure body heat,” he agreed, to which Suigetsu and Karin chuckled. Sasuke, meanwhile, edged just a little bit closer to Jūgo. Sure enough, he was radiating an irresistible warmth. _ Thank god we share a room. Just his presence will raise the temperature by ten degrees, at least. _

Sasuke tuned out the rest of the conversation as his phone pinged. ** _Alyssa Ruggiero edited “Public Admin Project- Power..” _ ** Sasuke breathed a sigh of relief. _ Finally, at least one other person is doing work on this stupid project. _ Sasuke opened the notification, scrolling through the slides for the presentation. _ Would ya look at that, blondie’s actually useful for something. The slides look nice, and… she fixed all the grammar mistakes, thank _ _ fuck__. That just saved me a ton of time. Alex and Jae’s slides were almost incomprehensible… _ Sasuke’s mind drifted back to Naruto as he studied Alyssa's icon. It was taken back when she was a brunette. _I'll never understand why people with beautiful dark hair ruin it by dying it blonde._ _There’s just no life to it, no tones or highlights or _ _ anything, and it looks so dry and damaged. It always looks better natural.__ Naruto’s hair is definitely natural, no doubt about it. It looks really nice, even though it’s all messed up from biking around in the wind. That guy needs a hat or something. Actually, maybe not. I mean, his jacket had a hood. Why wasn’t he wearing it, then? It’s like he wants to get frostbitten or something- _

“SASUKE!”

He jumped, nearly throwing his phone as Karin’s ear-piercing shriek cut through his train of thought.

“Karin, the _ fuck_?!” he cried. She pouted, folding her arms over her chest.

“Well, I wouldn’t have had to scream if you’d been paying attention the first three times.”

“Well, _ sorry_, I was trying to work something out for my group project, it’s a little more important than your nonsense!” She gasped, melodramatically offended as usual.

“Nonsense? _ Nonsense _?! I’m the most intelligent and coherent woman to ever walk the face of this planet!”

“You ranted about cucumbers the other day for twenty minutes,” Suigetsu deadpanned.

“And it was a well-structured argument with a succinct thesis statement and sources to back me up! What the hell have _ your _ rants got except a lot of swearing, huh?” 

“Listen, I dunno why you’re arguing with _ me_. Sasuke’s the one too preoccupied with his crush on the pizzaman to pay attention to you! Yell at him instead, why don’t ya?”

Sasuke spluttered, completely caught off guard.

“Crush?! On the _ pizzaman _?!” he repeated, astonished. Karin’s eyes widened, annoyance immediately overturned by a sickening glee.

“Sasuke’s got a _ crush _ ?! OOH what’s his name, what’s he look like, you got a picture? C’mon Sasuke, _ please _ tell me, I gotta know!”  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” he denied vehemently, pointing an accusatory finger at Suigetsu. “You really are delusional!” He casually threw his hands up, smiling in such a laidback way that if Jūgo wasn’t sitting between them, Sasuke would have already decked him. Instead, Sasuke settled for the most vicious glare he could give, pretending he could still look intimidating even though he was bundled up like a toddler with overprotective parents.

“I calls it as I sees it. I dunno who the delivery guy is, but I know for a _ fact _ you’ve got it bad for him.” Sasuke felt his blood starting to boil. _ I’ve had just about enough of Suigetsu’s shit. He doesn’t even _ _ know _ _ me. How _ _ dare _ _ he act like he can tell what’s going on in my head? That he knows what my emotions are like? _

“I absolutely do _ not_. I don’t even know the guy, he just brings the pizzas! Which, might I remind you, I don’t even particularly _ like_.” Suigetsu rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, only person on earth who hates pizza, Senju’s is the only one you can even look at, lactose intolerance, I know, I know, I _ know _ . Don't try to distract me with that! You’re in love with the pizzaman, just admit it already!”  
“I am _ not _ in love with the fucking_ pizzaman_!” 

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Are! Too!”  
“AM NOT!” he roared, slamming his fists on the table. 

The silence that followed was deafening. His vision was white with rage, but he had enough sense left to force himself to breathe. A small part of him was very, very afraid. _ Do _ _ not _ _ lose it. Not at someone you have to live with until August. _He stood robotically, fists balled so tight he could feel his nails digging into his palms.

“I’m going to my room,” he said, voice shaking with the effort it took to keep it under control. “Do _ not _ bother me.”

With that, Sasuke stormed out, slamming the bedroom door for emphasis. He ripped off his scarf and and jacket, tossing them at his desk chair, hot with anger. He paced around the room, already frustrated that there wasn’t more space to work with. _In love with the fucking pizzaman. Where the fuck did _ _ that _ _ come from? I literally just know his name and that his hands look like shit. That’s it! What kind of basis is that for a word like “love”? Stupid, that’s what it is. The whole thing’s just stupid. _ Sasuke sat heavily on the edge of his bed, fists against his knees, which bounced up and down at a rapid pace without his conscious awareness. _ I’m not in _ _ love _ _ with Naruto. He’s just some guy. He delivers pizzas with a smile, because he has to, because if he isn’t nice he loses his job. That’s it. There’s no emotion to it, there’s no “love” to it. It’s just a transaction. “Love”, what a stupid fucking thing to say. Suigetsu’s an idiot. _Sasuke huffed irritably. _There's no way I can concentrate on anything now that I'm all worked up. I gotta... I gotta go let off some steam. _With another angry huff, Sasuke stood and put his jacket and scarf back on. He grabbed the duffle bag near his closet and tossed some clothes in it. _I haven't paid Kakashi a visit in a while. Guess it's time to go crash his class._


	3. A Small World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took a while to update, but here you go! hope you guys like it :3

The bell above the door jingled as he entered. The dojo smelled of rubber and sweat, the fluorescent lights harsh against white walls, made all the more grating by the plexiglass and mirrors everywhere. Just as he remembered it. _ I’m home _, Sasuke thought, almost parting his lips to make the announcement, half-expecting a warm “welcome home” in response if he did. Instead, he met Yamato’s gaze as he glanced up from his computer at the front desk, eyebrow quirked in surprise. 

“Sasuke?”

“One and only”

“It’s been a while.”

“Mhm.” 

“What brings you here on a school night?”

“Can’t beat up people, can beat up a punching bag.”

“You _ could _ beat up people.”

“Shouldn’t.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“Hn.”

Sasuke brushed past. He didn’t feel much like talking. He passed by the large training room where Kakashi was wrapping up his last class of the night. They made eye contact through the glass, and Kakashi only had time to tilt his head questioningly before his attention was diverted. _ He’ll know where to find me. _ Sasuke disappeared behind the door of the empty changing room. He switched quickly into the bottom portion of his keikogi and a t-shirt, and roughly tugged on a pair of gloves. _ Last thing I need is for my hands to look as fucked up as Naruto’s… _

He slipped into the private training room all the way in the back using the keys Kakashi had gifted him on his sixteenth birthday. Sasuke rubbed his thumb along the edge of one. They had been sitting at Kakashi’s kitchen table, sharing a meal together as they had every Sunday night after training. “_Y’know, Sasuke, you’re not really a kid anymore. You’re graduating high school early, in just a few months, and then you’ll be off to college. You’re entering the adult MMA divisions for the first time soon enough. You’re becoming a man. I wish I could give you a car or something to mark the occasion, but… well…” _ He’d gestured to the apartment around them, in only marginally better condition than Sasuke’s current abode. Sasuke had quirked his lips into a lopsided smile at that. “_What I can give you, though, is this. _ ” He’d slid the set of keys across the table, an exact replica of his own, and Sasuke had stared at them for a long time. "_What’s wrong, Sasuke? Don’t you want them? _ ” He’d nodded, but couldn’t bring himself to speak, so overcome with emotion he didn’t know what to do. “_Then take them. You’ve earned it._” 

The door closed behind him. _ I’ve been away far too long. _

The punching bag didn’t stand a chance against him. The thud of his fists and feet against it was cathartic. The sound of it swinging on its chains quelled his racing thoughts. Form, precision, control, and speed. Each wave of frustration and rage came stronger than the last, washing through him and into the punching bag. This time, he didn’t stop when his vision went white. He didn’t stop when he started sweating through his shirt. He didn’t stop even when the door opened and Kakashi came inside. He kept going until his whole body burned and his lungs felt as if they were filled with pine needles, each breath sharp and tight. 

For a few moments, only his ragged breathing filled the room, his senses returning to him as the last of his energy drained away. Sasuke knelt down on the floor, pressed his palms to his thighs. Sweat ran in rivers down his face. He could not raise his left arm to wipe it away, and deep inside he seethed over it. He wiped his forehead on his right sleeve instead, glancing at Kakashi out of the corner of his eye as he approached. He settled on the floor nearby, cross-legged, with an expression of paternal concern in his mismatched eyes. Sasuke couldn’t bear to look, choosing instead to bore holes into the floor ahead of him.

“What’s upsetting you, Sasuke?”

He flinched at the tenderness in Kakashi’s voice. _ I don’t need you to parent me, Kakashi, I just… wanted to let off some steam… _Instead of answering, Sasuke merely shook his head, wiping at his face again.

“It’s not healthy to bottle everything up like this.”

“I’m not bottling it up. You saw.”

“Hitting that won’t actually fix any of your problems. You know that,” Kakashi chided. Sasuke glowered at the floor. _ I hate when he’s right. Fuck you, Kakashi. _

“You’re not my therapist or my dad. You don’t need to subject yourself to me ranting about the inane bullshit that is my whole fucking life.” Kakashi shrugged casually, leaning back on his hands- pretending the “not my dad” comment didn’t sting, though the way he squinted betrayed him.  
“Listening to your bullshit is better than dealing with my own. Besides, a little teenage angst might liven this place up a bit. It’s been boring without you.” 

It was Sasuke’s turn to pretend now, ignoring the stab of guilt that hit just between his ribs. _ Touché, old man. _

“Fine, I’m just stressed out, okay?” he admitted at last. “School is hard. Harder than I thought it’d be. Group projects are especially fucking dumb. I don’t…” He trailed off, searching for the right way to say it. “Nobody communicates so nothing gets done until the last minute, but I can’t wait until the last minute because I’m too meticulous and anxiety-prone to just. Leave that shit to chance. So I end up shouldering the whole burden of the project until everybody else finally decides to pitch in something. _ If _ they decide to. And honestly, that would be fine, except I have, y’know. The whole rest of my classes and life to fucking deal with, too. It’s overwhelming and it’s so fucking frustrating.”

Kakashi nodded patiently, well aware that Sasuke wasn’t done. 

“On top of that, my apartment doesn’t have any heat or electricity _ or _ hot water right now. Everything’s always broken so it’s not surprising but damn, is it disappointing as hell. Why pay rent and work so hard to keep the place clean and comfortable when the landlord won’t even do the bare minimum to keep it habitable? Fuck that. And I’m not sleeping there in the fucking cold tonight, my shoulder can’t take it.” Sasuke realized then that he’d been cradling his arm to his body, and sighed exasperatedly at himself. _ God damn this shoulder... _ “That’s making the bold assumption, of course, that I’ll even be able to sleep. I’ve been pulling all-nighters way more than I should, but even on the nights when I can go to bed, I can’t fall asleep because I’m too fucking wound up. And…” 

Kakashi raised a brow. Sasuke sighed again, shifting to a more comfortable half-lotus position, holding his bad shoulder in place with his other hand.

“The tenth anniversary is coming up.” Kakashi’s hand was warm against Sasuke’s good shoulder, and he resisted the conflicting urges to move closer or pull away. Instead, he merely stiffened, tentatively allowing Kakashi’s hand to remain there.

“My couch is free and I have extra pills.” Sasuke nodded, grateful he didn’t need to explain further. _ He’s probably the one person on earth I don’t have to explain that to… _

“Thanks…” 

They stayed like that in solemn silence for what felt like many moons, but in reality was just a minute at most. Kakashi removed his hand, and at last Sasuke was able to relax a little. 

“What else?” 

Sasuke pushed his hair out of his face, snorting, and just like that the moment was gone. 

“My roommates are idiots. Every moment I spend with them I come one step closer to murdering them all in their sleep.” Sasuke’s nose wrinkled in disgust. “Especially Suigetsu.”

“What’d he do?”

“He’s just so stupid!” he spat, banging his fist against the ground as a fresh shot of anger burst forth. “He never buys groceries even though _ he’s _ the one with a car and a steady schedule, he leaves water bottles _ everywhere _ and never picks them up even though he _ knows _ it drives me crazy, he whines about everything all the time, he takes like, a _ million _ showers a day- who even does that?!- and now he’s _ insisting _ I’m in love with the fucking _ pizzaman _ and I just- ugh! I don’t understand it!” Sasuke threw himself back on the floor for emphasis, glaring at the ceiling. He could hear Kakashi’s raised brow in the tone of his voice.

“Are you?” he asked. 

“Am I what?”

“In love with the pizzaman.”  
“Is that all you got outta this?” he demanded, rolling onto his side and propping himself up on the good arm.

“It’s just a question, Sasuke.” He made a gross scoffing noise in the back of his throat.

“Of course not, I hardly know the guy!”

“Then what difference does it make?”

Sasuke faltered. _ What difference does it make? What does he mean ‘what difference does it make’? _

“If you are, then that’s fine,” Kakashi continued. “There’s nothing wrong with having a crush, or being in love. It’s not a shameful or weak thing to feel. If you’re not, that’s fine, too. Some people don’t really experience those kinds of feelings, and there’s nothing wrong with that either. Regardless, his opinion shouldn’t matter. It’s like… if someone insisted you have a cat, but you don't. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter that they think you have a cat. It doesn’t change anything about you as a person, it just might lead them to make assumptions that aren’t exactly right. People make inaccurate assumptions about each other all the time. It can get annoying when they interpret every coincidence to fit with their idea of what’s going on or who you are, sure, but it’s not reason to get so mad. They’re just wrong.” Kakashi shifted to sit with one knee hugged to his chest. “Honestly, Sasuke, I think what he said is less important than the fact that it’s bothering you so much. You don’t normally care much what other people think, so why do you care what he thinks now?”

He didn’t know what to say._ He’s got a point. Why does this bother me so much? I guess… it’s embarrassing. I’m a private person. Even if I did have a crush, I wouldn’t tell everyone, so what gives him the right to tell them for me, without even confirming if it’s true first? _ He exhaled sharply. _ As for my actual feelings about Naruto… I don’t know. I don’t _ _ think _ _ I’m in love or anything. He just… seems nice, I guess… _Kakashi groaned a little as he stood up, stretching until his spine gave a few satisfying popping noises.

“Well, you can think on that while you get changed. I’ll clean up. Just… promise you’ll ice your shoulder when we get home, okay?” Sasuke snorted again.

“Do I look like an idiot to you, Kakashi?”

“Do you really want the answer to that question?” Sasuke pouted as he got up himself.

“Guess not…” he grumbled under his breath. Kakashi either didn’t hear or didn’t care, already grabbing the mop from the corner of the room.

“Have you eaten yet?” he asked as Sasuke heaved his duffel bag onto his shoulder.

“Sort of,” he answered, recalling the untouched slice of pizza he’d left behind.

“You want leftovers, or you wanna go out?”

“Leftovers.” Kakashi chuckled at the instantaneous reply.

“Only teenager I know who’d take leftovers over fast food.” Sasuke wrinkled his nose in disgust once more.

“I don’t like sweets or greasy things. Fast food holds no appeal for me. Your cooking’s better anyway.”

“I know, I know. It’s just funny, is all. Now go, change. It’s time to close up shop.”

They were unsurprised to find Yamato still at the desk when they emerged. _ He always stays late, even though he could just leave when the last class lets out... _ Kakashi tossed his car keys to Sasuke with a wink, and he rolled his eyes. 

“Sure, Kakashi, I’ll go warm up the car. Thanks _ so _ much for asking,” he said, passive-aggressively, to which Kakashi merely laughed. He went out to the empty parking lot, unlocking the blue sedan as he approached. _ It’s so cold out, fuck this, _he thought as he slid into the passenger’s seat and reached over to start the car. He blasted the heat as he waited for Kakashi and Yamato to exit, impatiently tapping his foot with his arms wrapped around himself for warmth. He could vaguely hear them talking and laughing as they came closer, until Yamato diverged with a wave toward his own car.

The ride home was quiet. Sasuke rested his head against the window while Kakashi focused on driving, listening to the soft rock music drifting from the radio, the heat still running full blast. A deep exhaustion had started to settle in, and the movement of the car, the sound of the tires against the road, only served to lull him closer to sleep. _ Maybe tonight I’ll sleep correctly, then. My groupmates can go fuck themselves, I’ll lose it if I have to look at that project right now. _ He sighed a little, closing his eyes. _ Maybe I’ll… make a peace offering or something to Suigetsu when I get back tomorrow. I’m not really angry anymore, just kind of annoyed. Speaking of roommates… _

His eyes flew open. _ Oh fuck, I didn’t say where I was going. Karin probably- _ Sasuke pulled his phone out of his bag. Sure enough, several banners with notifications popped up on the lock screen. _ Goddamn it, Karin, twelve text messages?! Are you kidding?! _

_ K: sasuke _

_ K: where r u _

_ K: SASUKE _

_ K: U CANT JUST WALK OUT LIKE THAT AND NOT SAY ANYTHINNNGG _

_ K: i mean yeah u can but like _

_ K: U CANT _

_ K: sasuke _

_ K: ANSWER MEEEEEE _

_ K: suigetsu wasnt tryna piss u off _

_ K: it was a joke _

_ K: ugh ur so immature i mean i know ur liturally 18 but like for real _

_ K: he wants to make up can u please come back _

He huffed as he opened the phone and started typing.

_ S: This doesn’t concern you. Stay out of it. If he wants to make up he can do it himself. _

_ K: r u still mad _

_ S: Why do you care? _ _  
_ _ K: CUZ I HAVE TO LIVE WIHT U GUYS _

_ S: Again, this doesn’t concern you. Drop it. _

_ K: why do u have to hold grudges like this i swear cant u just let it go _

_ S: I’m not holding a grudge. I needed to be away from him to cool down, so I left. _

_ K: so ur not mad anymore _

_ S: Karin, I’m busy. Let it go. _

_ K: where are u rn _

_ S: That’s none of your business. _

_ K: r u coming back _

_ S: Also none of your business. _

_ K: if u pick up and leave and dont pay the rent and we all get evicted its my business _

_ K: so r u fuckign coming back or not _

Sasuke exhaled harshly, louder than he meant to, and he felt Kakashi glance over at him.

_ S: I’ll be back tomorrow. _

_ K: when _

_ S: When I’m there. _

_ K: thats not ana nswer _

_ S: That’s the point. _

_ K: ur such a dick _

_ S: Sure am. _

With that he tossed his phone back in his bag, planting his chin on his palm. _ That’ll shut her up for a while, at least. _Kakashi glanced over again, and this time Sasuke met his side-eye.

“What?” he snapped, defensively. Kakashi just shook his head, eyes wide, as if Sasuke hadn’t caught him staring. 

The rest of the ride was taken in the same silence as before, becoming increasingly comfortable over time, until they finally pulled into Kakashi’s driveway. For a moment they just sat in the car, dreading the cold walk to the door. Kakashi’s tired sigh was all the cue Sasuke needed to get out, bracing himself against the icy wind. _ They’re gonna have to find someplace else to stay tonight if the heat’s still out. Or sleep in the living room with all the candles lit. It’s getting really cold really quickly… _

Sasuke was distracted by the sound of Kakashi wiggling the key in the doorknob until it finally came unlocked, each of them standing to one side of the door on the narrow porch. They could already hear the muffled barking from within the house getting louder by the second. As soon as the door opened, seven dogs came bounding out of the house, bashing their tails against their legs and licking frenziedly at their hands. 

“Alright, boys, out! Go make!” Kakashi greeted, patting each of them and pointing into the fenced-in front yard. They scattered, frolicking in the ice-encrusted grass while Kakashi held the door for an eighth dog. He waddled slowly into the threshold, eyes half-blind and wrinkled face grizzled with age. Kakashi bent and scooped him up, cradling him like a baby. “Hello, Pakkun! Did you miss me?” The creature merely stared, unblinking, like a furry little gargoyle. “I bet you gotta go, huh? C’mon, let’s go.” Kakashi walked into the yard and deposited Pakkun in a quiet spot away from the other dogs, who were now wrestling with one another and yipping excitedly. “You can go shower if you want,” Kakashi called over his shoulder. “I’ll have dinner warmed up by the time you’re done.” Sasuke nodded, leaving the door open so the dogs could run back in.

Kakashi’s house always smelled like two things: soup, and dogs. Clean dogs, yes, but dogs all the same. It was warm, and the soft lights cast a cozy golden hue on everything in the living room. Sasuke dumped his bag unceremoniously on the couch, digging through it for the pajamas he’d packed and the toiletries he always kept in it. He wandered upstairs to the bathroom as a few of the dogs came tumbling back in, their nails clattering against the floors. 

Sasuke set the shower too hot, clucking his tongue at Kakashi’s choice of products when he noticed them standing on the corner of the tub. _ The man uses 2-in-1 shampoo from the dollar store, yet goes out of his way to buy the hippiest essential-oil bullshit soap I’ve ever seen. An enigma, for sure… _ He quickly stopped thinking about it, tilting his head back as the scalding water descended on his skin. The heat worked its way into his muscles, easing the soreness already building within them. He reached up and adjusted the showerhead, shifting it to a more powerful stream and aiming it directly at his left shoulder. The water pelted it harder than he expected, but he left it as it was, beginning to masterfully work shampoo into his hair with only one hand. _ I need to figure out what I want to do about the Naruto thing. Do I even want to do anything about it? I think I do. It doesn't have to be anything wild, we can just be friends. It's just a matter of how… _

He paused in his washing, autopilot disrupted by a sudden realization. _ I literally don’t even know where to begin. Have I ever intentionally tried to make a friend? _ He shook his head. _ That's ridiculous, I had to have done it at some point. Think… _ His lower lip found its way between his teeth. _ Ino and Sakura were my classmates. I was around them all the time, so there was never a need to try that hard. Friendship with them kinda just… happened. Once Sakura stopped being obsessed with me and Ino stopped being jealous about it, that is. _ He sighed. _ Other than those two… _ He wracked his brain for another example, _ any _ example. _ I guess my roommates count? No, I didn’t have to try with them either. I just answered the flyers Jūgo put up around town looking for a fourth roommate. All things considered, I’m lucky none of them turned out to be murderers. When you think of it that way, irritating bastards are something I can deal with. _ He ran some soap down his chest. _ Kakashi doesn't count either. He’s more like a… mentor or maybe, if you stretch it a bit, a father figure to me. He looks after me too much to be a friend. _ He twisted his earrings around. _ This is kinda pathetic. I’m not even friends with Ino or Sakura’s other friends, or Kakashi’s other students. _ He reluctantly turned off the water, sighing heavily this time. _ Everyone I’m “friends” with now was a result of circumstance. So either I learn to make friends, or I invent a circumstance under which I’d be able to talk to him more. _ He sighed. _ This might be harder than I thought… _

___

It was as if he had been completely reset. Between taking his frustrations out at the dojo and talking through his problems with Kakashi- in addition to a good night’s sleep on his couch- Sasuke felt refocused, his mind decluttered and emotions sorted. Mostly. He left a bottle of vodka on the counter for Suigetsu, and though they exchanged no words on the subject, the fact that they spoke at all was proof enough that all was forgiven. It was better than previous fights, where they’d simply stalked about the house like feral cats, hissing and lashing out as they crossed paths. The heat, electricity, and hot water were all restored within a few days. The tensions building between the four of them instantly released once they were all comfortable again. He finished his finals with renewed determination, and the day he handed in his last exam he breathed an incredible sigh of relief. The semester ended on a note of tranquility he hadn’t expected, but deeply appreciated.

Only one thing remained unaddressed. He sat at the kitchen table, turning his phone over in his hands again and again and again as he mentally rehearsed what he would say. _ I should not be experiencing anxiety and perhaps a minor existential crisis over calling in for pizza. What’s the worst case scenario? A different delivery guy comes instead? Actually, that’d probably be the best case scenario… _ He sighed, resting his head on one arm, staring at the black screen. _ Just get pizza. You’re tired, you deserve to not have to cook tonight, and this is the only way you have to potentially get in touch with Naruto. If you don’t do it now, they’ll be closed by the time you actually get over yourself, so just order it … _

He dialed quickly, before he could lose his nerve.

“Thank you for calling Senju’s Pizza! This is Tenten, how can I help you today?”

“Yeah, uh, I was wondering if I could order a pie for delivery?”

“Sure! Any toppings?”

“No, plain’s fine.”  
“No problem! Are you interested in our pie special tonight? Two for one pies!” 

“Sure?” He immediately felt the urge to smack his own head. _ Why would you say yes?! You don’t need that much pizza! _

“Fantastic! Do you want toppings on the second one, too? Toppings are extra, just so you know.” He sighed to himself. _ Well, the idiots will be happy if they have pizza when they get home… _

“Yeah, can you make that one a hamburger?”

“Absolutely! Anything else?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna do another two-for-one. Both with peppers and onions, one with pineapple as well.”

“Okay, so that’s one pie with peppers and onions, one with that and pineapples, too?” 

“Yeah.” His face scrunched at the thought. _ I don’t know how Suigetsu eats that, just the thought of it makes my stomach hurt, but he doesn’t get it often since he usually just shares mine and Karin’s pies so he’ll probably be thrilled… _

“Got it, anything else?”  
“Nope. Can you send that to 23 Hawk Street, 2nd floor? You can call me back at this number.”  
“Of course! It’ll be there in… half an hour, probably.”

“Cool. Can I pay over the phone?”

“Of course!” He relayed his card information to her, and had her add the tip onto it, too. _ This feels weird. I never pay over the phone, always cash… _After what felt like ages, Tenten finally processed the transaction. “Thanks again for calling Senju’s Pizza, have a great night!”

Sasuke let his phone drop onto the table and buried his face in his hands. _ Four fucking pizzas and no guarantee anyone will even _ _ eat_ _ them, why the _ _ hell _ _ did I do this?! _He picked his phone back up and frantically texted the groupchat.

_ S: I hope you guys are coming back here tonight, I bought pizza. _

_ Su: bruh you serious? why? _

_ S: I didn’t want to cook and I was feeling generous. _

_ J: Ill be home by 10 _

_ K: OMG sasuke being NICE what a concept _

_ S: Shut up, Karin, or I won’t do it again. _

_ Su: yeah, karin, be grateful! _

_ K: fuck OFF suigetsu!!!!! _

_ J: Guys please stop fighting _

_ K: anyways ill be home around 10:30 idk, im only working one shift tonight _

_ Su: im out for drinks with coworkers but we havent eaten anything yet and im starved so ill slip _

_ outta here asap _

Sasuke breathed normally for the first time since before he called. _ Thank god the stupid fucks love free shit so much, or I’d be _ _ screwed_ _ right now… _ He got up and paced around the apartment a bit, watching the clocks. _ Now I just gotta kill a half hour til he gets here. I feel bad calling so close to closing time, he’s probably gonna have to work late because of it. Forget it, he’s probably used to it, at least I won’t be an asshole about it. I left a good tip, too. Once he’s here it’ll be easy. I know how to make small talk, it won’t be that hard. Maybe I’ll find out something useful. Last name, maybe. What days he works. If he goes to school around here. _ _ Anything _ _ , at this rate. I can’t keep dropping money on pizza every week or two just to talk to him for a few seconds… _ He ran a hand through his hair, tucking some of it behind his ear. _ I still don’t know why I’m so stuck on him. He’s _ _ so _ _ familiar, it’s _ _ killing _ _ me. He made such a big impression on me. There’s got to be a reason. We had to have met at some point and I’m just trying to figure it out… _

Before he knew it, his phone was buzzing, and he answered it as he all but sprinted down the stairs.

“Hey, I’m coming down,” he said before the delivery guy could even say a word. The guy didn’t answer, just hung up as Sasuke swung open the front door. _ Please be him, please be him, _ _ please_ _ be him-! _ Blue eyes, crinkling as a big smile spread across his face, framed by blonde hair, ears red with cold beneath a baseball cap emblazoned with a pizza slice. _ YES! _

“Hey, Sasuke! You havin’ a party in there or something?”

“Uh, no it’s just me.” Naruto cocked his head to the side.

“Really? I feel like this is way more pizza than usual.”

“Well, you know, the special. And my roommates will be here eventually…” Naruto nodded knowingly, his grin becoming almost mischievous.

“Ah, roped in by the special. You usually get mediums, right?”  
“Yeah…” _ How does he remember that?! HOW?! _

“That’s cool. And hey, it’s really cool you bought for your roommates, too. They must love you. My roommate and I are like that, too. We’re, like, _ best _ buds. But I’m sure you get it, right? You and your roommates must be friends if you’re going out of your way for them like this.”

“Uh… you could say that.”  
“That’s so awesome. I’ve had some real shitty roommates before so when I got my place with Kiba I was _ so _ stoked. Like, screw the whole randomly-selected roommates thing, right?”

“Right…”

Sasuke took the boxes, then, signing the loose receipt on top with the pen Naruto had left beside it.

“So, uh, do you live at the university dorms…?” Sasuke started, trying so hard to be casual.

“Not anymore, thank _ god _ . I moved out after freshman year, I just couldn’t take it.”  
“Oh, so you’re still in school?”  
“Yeah, I’m in my sophomore year now! You go there, too?”  
“Yeah.”  
“OH MY GOD, what do you study?!” he asked excitedly as Sasuke handed him the pen and receipt back.

“I’m a political science and creative writing double-major.”  
“YO, that’s SICK! I study biology but I have a minor in film so I _ totally _ get it! Gotta have something creative to go with your sciences, right?” Sasuke nodded distractedly, shifting the pizzas in his hands.

“Biology, huh?” Sasuke repeated, thinking. “You wouldn’t happen to know Sakura Haruno or Ino Yamanaka, would you?”

Naruto’s eyes lit up. Sasuke wasn’t sure how it was possible for them to look brighter.

“Oh my god, yeah! I miss Sakura _ so _ much, we met in bio our first year and we used to hang out a lot! I still can’t believe she managed to finish her nursing degree two years early, that’s, like, _ unheard of_, y’know? But she’s always been a hard worker, she took all those classes at the community college in high school and then she took as many credits as she could every semester once she started her bachelor’s. Girl’s an _ animal_, man. And Ino’s really cool, I still see her around the science building every once in a while. We’re not that close, though, and since Sakura’s been busy studying for the MCATs I haven’t really seen either of them. How do you know them?”

“The three of us went to school together from middle school onward.”

“Really? WAIT, you’re _ that _Sasuke?!” He quirked a brow.

“Should I be concerned?”

“NO! Not at all, for real! I just didn’t realize you were the same guy! Sakura’s mentioned you before. Usually, like, when Ino can’t make it to a hangout ‘cause she’s with Sasuke. And that’s you! You’re _ that _ Sasuke! Oh my god!” He shook his head, absolutely beaming. “Man, I swear, this world gets smaller and smaller every day, y’know? Honestly, I can’t believe with connections so close it took me bringing pizzas for us to meet. Isn’t that wild?!” 

Sasuke nodded, if only because he didn’t really know how to respond. _ I can’t believe this. We probably have met before and neither of us remembered, or realized we were the same people. I feel so much better now that I _ _ know _ _ … _

“Oh man, I’m so sorry but I gotta go help clean up, I’m closing tonight. It was so nice seeing you again, Sasuke! We should hang out or something someday, I bet we have a _ ton _ more friends in common!” Sasuke felt his heart skip a beat. _ He’s asking to hang out with me? _

“Uh… yeah, sure.”

“Sweet! Here, gimme your phone, I’ll put my contact in.” _ Is this for real?! _

“Okay…” Sasuke handed him the phone. Naruto navigated it like a pro, his fingers tapping faster than Sasuke’s ever could. 

“Awesome, we’re good! Send me a text later so I know it’s you, okay? I can’t wait to hang out! I love when this kind of thing happens, y’know? It’s just so crazy! Okay, I for real gotta go now, but we’ll talk soon! Bye, Sasuke!”

“Bye…”

  
With that, Naruto bounded back to his bike, speeding off toward Senju’s with nary a backward glance. For a moment Sasuke just stood there, blinking in absolute disbelief. _ I can’t believe that actually just happened. What are the chances? _ He closed the door, hauling the pizzas up the stairs. _ It seems dumb that I was so nervous now. The guy was almost bouncing up and down! He was so excited, it was so _ _ easy _ _ , I can’t believe it. The only way this could get more absurd is if he showed up to Sakura and Ino’s movie night. Imagine? He’s right. The world really does get smaller and smaller with each passing day… _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise i haven't forgotten you guys! got really busy with work, school, and the holidays. chapter 4's gonna be a bit longer, but i'm hoping to have it up soon!
> 
> edit: i lied, chapter 4 is gonna be about as long as the last three chapters combined, possibly longer. oops (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) i'm nearing the end of writing it, though, so it should be up no later than a week from now!


	4. Party Tricks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i told you guys it'd be long, but OOF. buckle up kids, 'cause this chapter is the same length as the last three chapters combined (⊙_⊙)
> 
> this chapter is full of drunken shenanigans. as such: alcohol tw. also vomiting tw, medication interactions and drug mentions.

Sasuke was not in a good mood, trudging through the snow with his hands in his pockets. _ I should have just ignored Ino. It’s not my fault they aren’t prepared and need more help setting up than they thought, yet here I am, at her beck and call as usual, their stupid little errand boy. _ He shook his head. _ She and Sakura always invite too many people to stuff like this, and they’re never prepared. Even back in high school, their parties always got out of hand. I dunno why the fuck I thought they’d learn anything by now… _ He carefully made his way down the concrete steps to the basement door, knocking on it. He heard voices and shuffling inside. _ At least I won’t have to play nice for long. I can just drink myself half to death in the corner and maybe, just maybe, get a decent night’s sleep… _

The door opened, and Sakura smiled. 

“Sasuke! It’s been so long! I _ demand _ a hug.” He rolled his eyes as she dove in.

“And whose fault is that? I’ve heard you’re working yourself into a coma.” She gasped, scandalized, as she pulled away.

“Who said that?! Was it Ino? I’m gonna kick her ass!” Sasuke smirked a little, and she laughed, taking his bags and stepping aside to let him in.

“Why are you kicking my ass this time?!” Ino cried from somewhere inside. Sasuke peered down the hallway, spotting her sweeping the furthest corner of the basement. 

“You said Sakura works too hard,” he informed in a clipped tone she either didn’t notice or didn’t care to acknowledge.

“Don’t hate me for being right!” Sakura smirked, a fire in her eyes as she approached Ino.

“Stuff it, Ino-pig!”

“Make me, Forehead Girl!”

They melded easily into a kiss as they embraced, and Sasuke awkwardly averted his gaze. _ You’d think after two years I’d get used to seeing them be affectionate with each other, but I still feel the need to look away. It’s like I’m intruding… _Sakura smiled as she took the broom from Ino, who in turn took the bags and placed them on a nearby table, pulling out the contents.

“Why don’t you hang up your stuff?” she asked, turning to face Sasuke now. 

“I was going to clear off the steps.”

“Is it snowing that hard already?”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm… I mean, if you wanna do it, the shovel and salt are by the front door.”

He simply shuffled out in reply, trudging back up the basement steps, then up the steps to the front door. _ They got the stuff they needed, they can set it out themselves. I’d rather be out here by myself. I like the cold anyway… _ Sure enough, the shovel and salt were resting against the doorframe. He set to work shoveling snow off one stair and covering it with salt before moving to the next. Methodical, repetitive, and mindless. For a few blessed minutes, all that existed was the scraping of plastic against concrete, the crunch of salt beneath his boots, and the cold air against his face. _ Someone else will have to shovel out later. There will be plenty of people here to take turns, so it shouldn’t be a problem. _ He paused to roll his hat back down over his ears, a chill rushing down his back. _ I wonder if Naruto’s out doing deliveries in this weather. Probably not. I’m sure somebody at the shop has a car that could take the deliveries instead. Hopefully he’s not working at all… _

He shoveled not only the front steps and the path connecting it to the basement stairs, but also cleared the entire driveway before turning back to do the basement stairs. He was on the last step when he heard a car pull up, the headlights illuminating the house’s facade over his head. _ Hinata’s usually the first to arrive, but she doesn’t drive. Either she got a ride, or someone else beat her here for once… _ He glanced at his phone. _ Ten minutes to eight. Not _ _ too _ _ early, then. _ He listened to the footsteps draw nearer as he laid down the salt. He gave an extra shake over each step as he walked back up, shovel tucked under his arm, and let the salt trail out over the small walkway between the basement and front steps, just to be safe.

“Yo, Sasuke!” He glanced up at the voice calling his name. _ Certainly not Hinata… _

Shikamaru raised a hand in greeting. Sasuke nodded.

“Been a while. How are you?” he asked. Sasuke shrugged a little, continuing up the steps toward the door. 

“Fine. You?”

“Just great! Hungry as _ fuck _ , though.”  
“I’m sure Ino has snacks,” Chōji assured him as he pressed the lock button on his keys, the car giving a little beep behind them. “Nice to see you again, Sasuke.”

“Likewise.” Shikamaru’s grin widened around his cigarette.

“You finally gonna play chess with me?” he asked teasingly. “I’m high as a kite, you might actually stand a chance.” Sasuke scoffed.

“Absolutely not.”

“‘Cause you know I’ll beat you?”  
“Because I hate chess,” he answered as he set down the bucket and shovel exactly as he’d found them.

“Ugh, you hate _ all _games.”

“Not true.” Shikamaru raised a brow.

“Name one game you like.” Sasuke stared at him for a moment, blinked slowly, expression impassive.

“Animal Crossing,” came his deadpan reply.

Shikamaru snorted, his amusement undeniable.

“You have the worst sense of humor. See you inside,” he called over his shoulder as he started down the stairs. Chōji followed with a quick smile. Sasuke rolled his eyes, bracing himself as the door opened, and sure enough a shriek pierced the air.

“Shika!!! Chō!!! I’m so glad you guys are _ here _ !!!” Ino cried. Sasuke rubbed at his ear, shoving his hands in his pockets as he followed behind them. The men had already extricated themselves from Ino’s group hug and started hanging up their coats. Sasuke waited patiently with his hip cocked against the doorway for them to finish, Ino chattering away all the while. _ She really acts like she doesn’t see them at least once a week every time she sees them… _Once they all moved into the main room, Sasuke shut the door behind him, leaving his shoes by the door and hanging his coat and scarf. He trailed after them into the main room, proceeding directly to the portion of the basement dubbed “the living room”. It was really just a couch and some beanbag chairs in the far right corner, with a TV and a small entertainment center holding an assortment of games and DVD’s. Sasuke sank into the beanbag against the furthest wall. It was his favorite spot in the house; he could see almost the whole room from there, including the stairway up into the rest of the house, and the view of the TV to his left was decent. He rarely paid full attention to it anyway. 

He watched Sakura greet the guys with her own hug, talking animatedly with one another across the room. Chōji had produced his own plastic bag at some point, which Sakura took graciously as he handed it to her, beaming as she peered inside. The boys exchanged a devious grin, making a beeline for the snack table the second she turned her back. Ino beat them there, swatting at their greedy hands with a growl. _ I wonder if I’ll ever have friends like that. Something so… tight-knit. It’s not like I ever fully integrated into Sakura or Ino’s friend groups, their friends are just… acquaintances, for me. If that. Maybe it’ll always be like that. I’ll just hover in orbit around other people’s lives, looking on but never becoming a real part of them, just waiting for a force strong enough to pull me in… _

“Sasuke!”

He blinked, turning to Sakura with a raised brow. She was leaning over the back of the couch.

“What kind of drink do you want?” He shrugged.

“You know what I like.” She rolled her eyes, turning around to concoct something for him. He found himself toying with his phone, flipping it over and over again in his hand. _ I never texted Naruto. I should probably do it now. Waiting until I’m drunk to do things isn’t usually the best idea… _Next thing he knew, a cup was being pushed into his hand.

“What is it?”

“Moscow mule,” Sakura answered, curling into the corner of the couch with her own drink. She tilted her head quizzically at the phone in his hand. “You expecting a call or something?” He pursed his lips, shaking his head. _ Too observant. _

“No, just…” Her brows raised as the silence stretched. He sighed. “I was supposed to text somebody, is all.” _ This is stupid. What am I waiting for? There are worse things to appear as than eager… _

“So text them now! Don’t let _ me _ stop you.”

“Okay…” 

He punched in his passcode.

_ S: Hey. It’s Sasuke. _

That was all he could think to say. He waited until it said “delivered” underneath before he hit the power button, noticing just before the screen went to sleep that Naruto had somehow set his contact picture to a little cartoon drawing of ramen with narutomaki in it. Sasuke couldn’t help but roll his eyes, breath puffing a little harder through his nose than he intended.

“Is something funny?” Sakura asked with a smirk. Sasuke shook his head. She squinted suspiciously- _ she picked that up from Ino _, he thought- but the smirk remained. “Well, something’s going on.” 

He shook his head again, glancing back down at his phone as the screen blinked and it gave a happy little chime. _ Forgot I turned my volume on in the store earlier… _

_ N: Sasuke!!! _٩(^ᴗ^)۶

_ N: I thought you’d forgotten about me!!! _

Sasuke felt the corners of his lips twitch despite himself, changing the setting to vibrate. 

“Something _ is _ going on!” Sakura gasped, pointing an accusatory finger. He blinked impassively. She touched a hand to her chest and draped herself, mocking and melodramatic, over the arm of the couch. “I can’t believe you’d lie to me this way. Something’s going on and you won’t even tell _ me _, your best friend’s girlfriend!” She cracked an eye open, smiling, and Sasuke rolled his eyes, feigning annoyance. She folded her arms, leaning on one fist with her legs stretching out over the rest of the couch behind her. 

“Nothing’s going on.” It was the truth, after all. _ Nothing _was going on. Just a simple text message.

“Fine, fine, whatever you say. Can I know who you’re texting at least?”

Sasuke shifted, suddenly uncomfortable. _ I… I don’t really want her to know. I just want this for myself. Is it so wrong to want to talk to someone new? To _ _ potentially _ _ make a new friend without her or Ino’s help? I mean, they all know each other anyway, but that’s not the point… _

“Does it matter?” She pursed her lip.

“I guess not. Just thought it might be something fun.”

“For you.”

“No, for you!” Sasuke raised a brow, and she laughed. “Okay, maybe fun for me, too.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Sakura perked up when she heard the basement door open, clamoring over the couch to greet whoever had arrived. Sasuke breathed a sigh of relief, face dropping back into the same vague expression of discontent he’d worn all day. He finally took a sip of his drink with a shiver. Sakura always made drinks too strong, but he liked it that way. 

Sasuke settled back into the chair a bit, shifting until the beans settled into a more comfortable arrangement, spotting the newcomers at last: Hinata, and a man Sasuke had never seen before. She waved shyly at him from across the room, and the man gave him a “hey dude” nod, to which Sasuke gave a mere tilt of the chin, and that was it. A few minutes passed before people started to filter into the seats around him. Sakura curled into the same corner of the couch she’d occupied earlier, and this time Ino joined her, wrapping her arm around her shoulders. Chōji plopped into the beanbag across from Sasuke as Shikamaru and Unknown Man moved the coffee table out of the way. Ino beckoned to Hinata to sit on her other side, mostly so she could compliment her sweater, and Hinata blushed. Shikamaru flopped on the floor once the table was moved, blocking the other man’s path. He nudged him with his foot to get by, and Shikamaru stretched languidly out of the way, like a cat. _ What a weird bunch. Surely this isn’t everyone, though… _As if reading his mind, Ino piped up.

“Kiba, have you heard from Shino yet?” 

“He’s stuck in the lab,” the man Sasuke now knew as “Kiba” informed.  
“Ten?”

“Working, but they’re closing early tonight. She and Nardo are gonna pick up Neji and Lee from the dojo once they get out. I’m thinking they’ll be here by 10, the latest. They all said start without them, though.” She shrugged, getting up and stretching. Sasuke felt himself sour. _ Ugh, fuckin’ Lee. He better leave me alone this time, or I might finally take him up on his offer to fight… _

“Then we’ll start without them. Anyone have a suggestion?”

Ino was met only with grumbles and mutters. Not a single concrete idea was offered. 

“Hm, I thought that might be the case,” she said, shaking her head and making tsking noises. “Darling, would you mind getting The Wheel?

“Of course,” Sakura replied, getting up and moving to the back of the room. Sasuke couldn’t see her with the couch in the way as she bent to pick something up.

“The wheel?” Kiba echoed. Ino winked as Sakura brought out a colorful spinner, a miniature version of the kinds on gameshows. She gave Ino a kiss as she handed it to her, which Ino held just a little longer than necessary, and they stared into each other’s eyes for a moment. Something clearly passed between them, because Sakura raised an eyebrow just slightly and smiled, and Ino gave a girlish little giggle, but Sasuke couldn’t tell what, exactly. He wasn’t sure anyone else even noticed, distracted by the wheel. _ I wonder what they’re saying to each other. Are they really having conversations like that? It seems so implausible, yet they both seem on the same page. How do you even get to that point with another person…? _

“Behold!” Ino cried as Sakura returned to her seat, still smiling. “This is The Wheel! I’ve noticed over the years that making decisions at parties SUCKS, so we’re gonna let The Wheel do it for us!” She pointed to the different colored sections. “Each color has a genre written on it to help us choose a movie. Yellow is comedy, red is horror, blue is family, purple is adventure, and green is action! Before we start: any questions?”

“What’s a family movie entail?” Chōji asked.

“Uh, so that’s stuff like Disney or Muppets or whatever. Like yeah, technically they’re kids movies, but it’s shit we’ll still enjoy, y’know?” He nodded.

“Does horror include thrillers, in this case?” Shikamaru asked.

“Yes. More questions?” There was a collective shaking of heads. “Cool! Let’s give it a go!” 

Sasuke watched The Wheel spin, forcing himself to continue looking composed even as each pass of the red section made his heart rate spike unpleasantly._ I can handle horror, but drunk? Around this time of year? Probably not the best idea… _It began to slow, dangerously close to red, but ultimately halted on yellow. He breathed a silent sigh of relief. 

“Alright! Comedy! Let’s see what we got…” Ino began listing off DVD titles, but he had stopped paying attention the moment the genre was decided. _ Not a huge fan of comedies. They’re usually just dumb… _ He double-checked that his phone was set to vibrate, then began scrolling through his inventory of e-books. _ I don’t even know what I want to read, I just know I don’t want to pay a lot of attention to anything in particular right now… _ He started a bit when the whole room gave a resounding roar. “Ayy!!! Elf it is, then!!!” Ino cried, joyously holding the DVD in the air for everyone to see. Sasuke merely rolled his eyes as they cheered, lowering the brightness as Ino shut the lights.

“Wait, why are you turning off the lights? Don’t we need to write the rules?”

“Fuck, you’re right!” she laughed, jumping up and turning them back on. She produced a white board from behind the TV stand, kneeling on the floor with it. “Sweetheart, do you still have the marker?” 

“Yeah,” Sakura answered, slipping an expo marker out of her sweatshirt pocket- well, _ Ino’s _ sweatshirt, technically- and tossing it to her in one smooth motion. Ino winked.

“Thanks, babe.” This time Sakura was the one to giggle a little.

Sasuke opened a poetry anthology he’d been browsing through on the bus a few days prior, then promptly closed it without reading a thing. _ Too much effort, definitely. Where’s that book Karin was raving about? I know I downloaded it. “I’ll read it when I decide I need a break.” That was the exact line of thinking, because she only reads things that are relatively easy. “I’m not in school, if I’m gonna read it’s gonna be for fun!” is what she says. Ugh, where is it…? _ Ino flipped the board around. Sasuke, frustrated, gave up on the search.

“Alright, Elf drinking game rules!” she announced. “One: drink when Buddy eats something gross! Two: drink when you notice a product placement!”

“And you decided PP was the best way to abbreviate that?” Shikamaru drawled. Scattered giggles sounded.

“Ugh, fine!” She scrubbed the acronym away and left a messy CAPITALISM in its wake. The scribbles were so at odds with the rest of the board, written in her usual neatness, that even Sasuke snorted a little. “There, better?” Shikamaru laughed.

“Sure.”

“Good. Now! Rule three: drink when something is comically undersized for Buddy! Rule four: a character sings! And last one: Christmas spirit is mentioned!”

“So basically you’re gonna get us hammered from the get-go?” Chōji teased.  
“If I wanted everyone _ hammered _ I’d be saying ‘take a shot’ instead of ‘take a drink’. But we’re not doing that, so either mix yourself a drink, or grab yourself a beer or glass of wine! Everything is on the table directly behind the couch and _ everything _is fair game.”

Sasuke regarded his half-full cup. _ Do I chug the whole thing now, or wait…? _ He sighed down at the still-open list of books. _ If I’m gonna be bored, then I may as well be bored and drunk… _He easily knocked back the rest of his drink, immediately meeting Sakura’s gaze as he lowered his cup.

“You’ve finished your drink and we haven’t even started yet. You okay?” _ What’s it matter to you? I was told I could come and get shitfaced, so shitfaced I’ll get. _He got up, passing between her and the wall to get to the table.

“Just peachy,” was all he said. Whether she received that as sarcastic or not was no concern of his.

____

  
  


He paid far more attention to the movie than he’d wanted to. It was so fucking stupid. The others seemed to be having a great time- Shikamaru, to his surprise, had the dialogue _ memorized _ \- but Sasuke was just in it for the booze. He took bigger sips than he needed to, and had to get up to refill more than once. By the end, his face was hot and he’d shed his sweatshirt. The lights were turned back on long enough for the wheel to be given another spin. It landed on green: action. _ Depending on the choice, I might actually like this one… _

** _BANG!_ **

** ** Sasuke nearly jumped out of his skin, his drink sloshing dangerously close to his hand as he bolted to stand and face the door. It had swung open so hard it’d hit the wall with a resounding slam, and in the doorway was none other than- _ what?! _

Naruto barged in, his smile sloppily wide and a familiar set of boxes held in his arms.

“Guess who brought FREE FUCKIN’ PIZZA!!!” he howled, to which the entire room cheered.

“Naruto?!” Sasuke cried, unable to hide his surprise. Naruto blinked, seemingly seeing him for the first time. His smile split even wider, blindingly bright; Sasuke nearly squinted.

“Sasuke!” He turned and shoved the boxes into a woman’s arms as she came up behind him, bounding over to greet him. _ What the hell is he doing here?! _

“Hey! At least make sure you didn’t break the door or the wall first!” she admonished.

“Sorry, Tenten!” he called over his shoulder. _ So that’s the girl who picks up the phones at Senju’s. Figures, her voice sounds familiar… _

He didn’t have a chance to take in what she looked like. In fact, all he had time for was watching, in horrified slow-motion, as Naruto’s gait broke over Shikamaru’s foot. All he could see was Naruto’s eyes widen and mouth open as he began to fall forward. He couldn’t move out of the way fast enough, just drunk enough to be hindered. _ Fuck, this is gonna hurt- _

Then, as quickly as it had slowed down, time sped back up. Sasuke’s drink went flying out of his hand as their faces collided, and the next thing he knew he was sprawled on the beanbag, Naruto’s body crashing heavily on top of his, his vision washed away in pain. 

“OW!” They both raised a hand to cup their mouths. Naruto scrambled to get up, but the movement only had both of them sinking further into the beanbag. His hot, alcoholic breath was suffocating, and on Sasuke’s lips was the vague taste of… miso? He wasn’t entirely sure in that moment, too concerned about the state of his face. _ That fucking _ _ hurt _ _ , goddamn! _

“HA! Pain kiss!” Kiba hollered. Sasuke’s mouth was filling with the taste of metal, and anger flared violently within him. _ Kiss?! Hardly! _He shoved a knee between them and forced Naruto off, flinging him to the floor.

“Hey! The hell was that for, ya bastard?!” Naruto rubbed his tailbone for emphasis.

“Potentially breaking my face, idiot!” he replied as he managed to rise from the beanbag, his tongue searching for broken teeth behind his hand. _ I don’t feel any sharp bits, or holes, or anything crunchy… _

“Don’t call me an idiot, asshole! It’s not like I meant to fall! If anybody’s to blame, it’s Shikamaru!” He smacked his side for emphasis.

“Hey, don’t hit!” he whined. “It’s not my fault you can’t watch where you’re going!”

“Whatever,” Sasuke growled, attempting to maneuver around the couch, but Sakura grabbed a hold of his wrist. 

“Hey, let me see,” she said softly, attempting to calm him. 

“I can deal with it myself,” he snapped, ripping his hand away.

“HEY! Don’t be mean to Sakura! She just wants to help!” Naruto yelled, standing now and pointing an accusatory finger- or, more accurately, a whole _ arm _ \- at Sasuke. He whipped around so fast his neck twinged, the fire inside him licking at his ribs, begging to be released. _ This stupid motherfucker-! _

“I don’t need any help!”

“Like hell you do, you’re bleeding everywhere!” 

“I can deal with it _ myself _!”

“Not better than Sakura!”

“How do you know? You don’t know anything about me!”

“I know you’re not a nurse!”

“Neither is she!” He rolled his eyes with a scoff.

“She’s _ basically _ a nurse!”

“And she taught me to do stitches! So why don’t you just back off?!”

“Well why didn’t you just say so?!”  
“Because it’s none of your business!”

“Guys, please! Stop fighting!” Ino demanded. Kiba laughed.

“It’s fine, Ino, Sasuke’s probably just miffed that Naruto stole his first kiss.”

Sasuke’s vision flickered as he rounded on Kiba now, teeth bared.

“You don’t know anything about me, either!” He shrugged nonchalantly, daring to smirk that smug Suigetsu-like smirk.

“Don’t have to. You’re _ clearly _repressed, and butthurt about it.” Sasuke’s vision was growing hazy at the corners as his fists trembled. 

“And just who do you think you are to make such bold assumptions?!”

“Sasuke, enough!”

“Stay out of it, Sakura!”

“Don’t talk to her like that!” Naruto chimed back in.

“Will you shut up?” Sasuke hissed. “This no longer involves you!”

“Fuck you, you’re picking on my friends! That definitely involves me!”

“_ I’m _ picking on your friends?! Really?! If that’s what you’re hearing right now then you’re even stupider than you look!”  
“I’m _ not _ stupid, you absolute fuck-waffle!”

“Prove it! ‘Cause every word you’ve said so far is dumber than the last!” Naruto grinned fearlessly, a new glimmer in his eye.

“I prefer to let my body do the talking. Square up, thot!”

Sasuke would never admit he didn’t know what “thot” meant, but that wasn’t the part he cared about. At “square up”, he immediately shifted into a fighting stance, which Naruto effortlessly mirrored. Sasuke couldn’t help but raise a brow. _ He’s trained. Maybe this will actually be interesting… _The rush had already begun, flooding his body with energy he didn’t know he had. Naruto cracked his neck, smile unwavering.

“NO! Absolutely _ not _! No thank you! If you’re gonna fight, do it outside!” Ino shrieked, jumping between them before either of them could make a move. Naruto easily slipped out of his stance, one hand on his cocked hip.

“Well whattya know? Pretty boy looks like he knows what he’s doing.” 

Sasuke didn’t answer, only straightening when Ino’s eyes threatened to start shooting lasers if he didn’t. _ Too bad. I kinda… _ _ wanted _ _ to fight him… _

“Sasuke! If you and Naruto aren’t going to fight, can I fight you instead?” cried a familiar, excited voice. Sasuke rolled his eyes so hard it hurt.

“For the _ last time _, Lee, you wanna fight someone, go find Gaara!” Lee pouted from where he stood by the door, having barely entered the room when their spat began, but bounced back easily.

“I haven’t seen Gaara in a long time, but once he comes back, I will challenge him to a most youthful battle!” Sasuke merely rolled his eyes again. Now Naruto’s brow was raised.

“Hold up: you and Bushy Brows know each other?” Sasuke scoffed.

“Our senseis are friends, that’s all.”

“Sasuke and I used to do tournaments together!” Lee added. Sasuke sighed.

“Yes. That’s how I met Gaara, too.” Naruto blinked, and Sasuke swore he could see the gears turning behind his eyes. _ More like his only two brain cells rubbing together… _

“Wait a minute. Tournaments. Tournaments…” His eyes went wide with excitement. “I KNEW I KNEW YOU!” he screamed, loudly enough that Ino covered her ears and finally moved away from the two of them. _ I can’t believe I wanted to be his friend. He’s so loud and annoying, holy hell… _“You’re Kakashi’s student, aren’t you?”

“How do you know Kakashi?” Sasuke demanded.

“I’ve been taking his classes since I moved back out here for school! He was a student of my dad’s, once upon a time. I actually thought you were his kid at first, he talks about you _ so much _ !” Sasuke ignored a terrible pang in his chest. _ If only I could be his kid... _ “He says you used to be at the dojo all day, every day!”

“Yeah. I used to.” _ Great. Now I’m fucking depressed. _

Sasuke glanced back forlornly at his cup, the quarter of his drink that had remained now splattered against the wall and puddled on the floor, which Tenten was currently wiping up, apologizing to Sakura on Naruto’s clumsy behalf. _ Yeah, I’d like to be shitfaced now… _

“Well what happened?” Naruto asked as Sasuke made his way around the opposite side of the couch to get himself a new drink. Everyone else was starting to talk again, now that the possibility of further disaster had blown away, and it made him feel better. _ I don’t need everyone staring and listening anyway. _Unfortunately, the noisiness caused Naruto to have to follow him to hear and be heard.

“None of your business, loser.” He plucked a bottle of water from the same cooler he’d found the ice earlier, tapping Tenten on the shoulder and gesturing to the roll of paper towels in her hand. She handed Sasuke a few pieces, which he rolled until he could dip them in the water.

“Don’t call me a loser, you bastard! I’m just asking a question!”

“And I’m not answering.”

He wiped his hand and face clean of his blood, then carefully swabbed his lip with the dampened paper towels. It had already stopped bleeding- _ it’s not even stitch worthy _ \- but it was certainly tender. _ I really ought to disinfect it. Then again, that’s exactly what the alcohol will do… _

“Jeez, you’re such a jerk!” Naruto huffed, pouting. Sasuke snorted a little. _ I wonder if he knows how childish he looks making that face… _

“Welcome to the Uchiha experience.” Sasuke cracked open a bottle of vodka, pouring himself a shot. _ Not my favorite straight, but not the worst either… _

“Hey, what are you-” He knocked it back, grimacing as the wound inside his lip burned. “Are you nuts?! _ That’s _ how you choose to clean it?!” Sasuke poked at the cut with his tongue. It only bled a little bit.

“It’s as good a way as any.” Naruto shook his head.

“You’re a masochist!” Sasuke quirked a brow, biting his tongue. _ As much as I’d love to take the bait, I really don’t think we know each other well enough for that kind of joke yet… _Instead, Sasuke merely shrugged, mixing himself another Moscow mule since he already had the vodka out. “Anyway, uhh…” He glanced at Naruto out of the corner of his eye. His cheeks were dusted pink as he scratched at the back of his head, shuffling his feet uncomfortably. “Sorry I fell into you. I chugged a few Four Loko’s in the car on the way here, since Tenten was driving, and I didn’t see Shikamaru’s legs there, and y’know, it’s hard to gauge how drunk you are when you haven’t drank in a while so… yeah, um… sorry about your mouth.” He finished lamely, unable to continue making eye contact. Sasuke blinked slowly, taking his time responding just to make him squirm a bit. 

“It’s fine,” he said at last. “Just be more careful next time.” Sasuke sipped at his new drink. _ I must be in a strange mood today. I’m usually not so quick to forgive. But… he’s interesting. I don’t want to ruin this just yet. _

Naruto brightened instantly. 

“Can do!” He easily sidled up next to Sasuke as if they hadn’t narrowly avoided a serious altercation just minutes before, making a cocktail Sasuke could only describe as “schoolyard dare”. It started out normal enough: vodka and cranberry juice. Then a splash of pineapple- _ alright, so he likes it sweet _ \- followed by _ apple _ juice, which made Sasuke frown. _ Okay, that doesn’t quite fit. _ He then reached for the strawberry-lime daiquiri mix Sakura had put out to pair with a strawberry liquor she’d found in the cabinet upstairs, pouring a healthy dose into his cup. Sasuke could feel his nose wrinkling. _ Is he trying to make a fruit punch? Is that what he’s trying to do? That would at least make some _ _ sense _ _ … _To his horror, Naruto did not stop there. He added a shot each of rum, tequila, strawberry liquor, and Fireball, then poured in some diet cola. To top it off, he stuck a wedge of lime in it. 

“You’re not actually gonna drink that, are you?” Sasuke blurted out before he could stop himself. Naruto paused in raising the cup to his mouth. He had the _ audacity _to look confused by the question. 

“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I?” Sasuke shook his head, appalled.

“That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen.”

Naruto gaped, clearly offended.

“No it’s not, it’s good! Just try it!”

“You couldn’t pay me enough!”

“C’mon, don’t be a baby! It’s _ good _, watch!” Naruto took a swig of it, and Sasuke reflexively turned his head, his stomach churning on Naruto’s behalf.

“I’d rather not.”

“Man, you have no taste! It’s like a Long Island iced tea, but way better!”

“More like it’s inbred cousin.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”  
“A Long Island iced tea is at least a vaguely dignified drink. What _ you _ made is diabetes and ulcers just waiting to happen. You oughta name it ‘bad decisions juice’.” Naruto blubbered incoherently, flailing his arms.

“Well at least I’m not boring like you! Ginger ale and vodka, that’s an old man drink!” He picked up the bottle of ginger ale for emphasis. “This isn’t even good ginger ale, it’s that crappy organic shit! You really are drinking like an old man!”

“That ‘crappy organic shit’ is what ginger ale is _ supposed _ to taste like,” Sasuke argued. “And if it’s an old man drink, so be it. At least sticking with stuff like this I’ll live to be an old man. Your drink is probably cutting _ years _off your life expectancy.” 

Naruto rolled his eyes.

“_ Please _, it’s not like I’m drinking eight of them, it’s just one! And again, how do you know it’s gross? You won’t try it! I bet if you did, you’d like it!” Sasuke snorted, sipping gratefully at his drink. 

“I hate sweet things, and three-quarters of that is juice. I doubt it.”

“Hate _ sweets _?! You hate sweets?! There’s no way that’s true.”

“It’s true.”

“Prove it!” Sasuke groaned and turned on his heel.

“Sakura!” he called. Her head popped up over the couch.

“Yeah?”

“What’s my least favorite flavor?” 

“Sweet!” He turned back to Naruto, who crossed his arms over his chest with a huff. 

“I still don’t believe you.” Sasuke groaned again, turning back around.

“Ino!” he called, much louder than he liked, so she could hear him.

“Whattya want?!” she snapped from across the room. _ Apparently still irritated… _

“What do I hate to eat?”

“Aside from my cooking? Sweets!” He turned back to Naruto with an expression that read “how about now?”. Naruto sighed exasperatedly.

“Okay, fine, I believe you. I just don’t get it, though! How can you hate sweets?!” He shrugged.

“I just do.”

Hoping to end the conversation, Sasuke edged away, back toward the beanbag he’d been occupying earlier. He caught Neji eying it, and the long-haired man simply turned his head as if he hadn’t been. _ Yeah, that’s right. You are _ _ not _ _ taking my seat. _ Naruto followed him even as he plopped back into the beanbag, settling easily on the floor in front of him, cross-legged. 

“So what else is weird about you?” he asked, slurping loudly at his cup. Sasuke raised a brow around his own. 

“Whattya mean?” Naruto rolled his wrist.

“You hate sweets, you study poli sci and creative writing- which is a pretty weird combo, yknow?- and it seems like every time you order pizza it’s for your _ roommates _ , not for you, which makes me think you don’t actually like that, either. Case in point: you’re the only one other than me who hasn’t gone over to get a slice yet, and the only reason _ I’m _ not getting one is ‘cause I ate a whole pie before I got here.” _ He figured me out very easily on that one… _

“I like Senju’s.” His lame defense made Naruto shake his head, recognizing it for what it was.

“Ugh, you’re so _ weird _! Next you’re gonna tell me you’re a cat person, aren’t you?”

When Sasuke didn’t respond, Naruto banged his fist on the ground.

“You _ are _?!”

“It’s not like I hate dogs or anything,” he muttered.

“But you prefer cats.” Sasuke nodded. 

“And reptiles,” he added. 

“Are you kidding? Amphibians are _ way _ better!” Naruto rocked back and forth, holding his feet. “ _ Man _ , we’re like polar opposites! Okay, okay, wait, this is the deciding factor here. Like the answer to this question will determine if I can _ stand _ being your friend, okay?” Sasuke resisted the urge to chew on his lower lip- _ it’s been through enough today _ \- as nerves balled up in his stomach. _ What could possibly be a deal breaker for him? Clearly it’s not the desire to beat the shit out of each other…. _Naruto seemed to be anticipating an actual response, so rather than keep staring at him, Sasuke cautiously replied.

“Okay…?”

“How do you feel about ramen?” 

He blinked. _ That’s… not the kind of question I thought it’d be… _

“It’s fine?” Naruto leaned forward, clearly expecting more. “Not my favorite but I don’t hate it.”

“Have you had Ichiraku’s ramen?” Sasuke shook his head. Naruto flung himself back with a loud groan.

“Seriously?! You _ gotta _ try it!” he cried, flinging himself forward again so hard he had to catch himself on the beanbag chair before he smacked face-first into Sasuke’s knee. “It’s the best ramen in the _ world _ ! It’ll make you love ramen forever, I promise!” He whipped his phone out of his pocket, planting his elbows on the beanbag next to Sasuke. “When are you free? ‘Cause we’re going and I’m not gonna let myself forget about it! I’ll put a reminder in every app I have! How’s Thursday, is Thursday good?” Sasuke blinked again, feeling his head start to spin. _ Why is he being so insistent about going to a stupid ramen place? It can’t possibly be that good… _

“Isn’t Thursday… Christmas Eve?” Sasuke asked, wracking his brain for a moment to figure out the date. _ Drunkenness does not suit me. I hate when my brain doesn’t work right, why do I always think being drunk is a good idea? _

“Oh shit, you’re right! I gotta go visit Iruka. How about… how about Wednesday, then? That’s the day before, it’s not a holiday.” 

Sasuke nodded. _ Winter classes don’t start until after New Year’s, so it’s not like I have anything better to do… _

“Sweet! I’m scheduling a reminder as we speak, and I’m sending you the address now ‘cause knowing me my phone will die on the way there and you won’t be able to reach me to get it then! I always forget to charge the stupid thing even though I use it _ literally _ 24/7, y’know? Anyway, yeah, cool! Wednesday it is, we’ll do lunch! They have an unlimited ramen lunch special going on right now and it’s literally the best idea the old man’s _ ever _had. I dunno how the place isn’t swamped!”

Sasuke nodded absently, if only because he wasn’t sure how to respond. He was saved, at last, by Ino demanding the room’s attention.

“Listen up, bitches! Nobody’s helping me make a decision so we’re watching Die Hard, deal with it!” 

“Ino, is this just an elaborate plot for you to make us watch Christmas movies together?” Chōji teased.

“We’ve only watched one Christmas movie, Chō, so obviously not.”

“Die Hard is a Christmas movie,” Shikamaru pointed out. Ino snorted.

“Die Hard is _ not _a Christmas movie.”

“It takes place around Christmastime, so yeah. Technically it’s a Christmas movie.”

“That’s dumb.”

“Hey, so I’ve had this argument with like twelve people now and I still can’t get a straight answer: is the Nightmare Before Christmas a Halloween movie or a Christmas movie?” Sakura asked. Ino groaned.

“Baby, _ please _ , not again.”  
“What? I deserve to know the truth, Ino-pig!”

“I’m putting on the movie, discuss later!” Ino said decisively, before anyone else could join in.

“I think it’s a Christmas movie,” Naruto whispered conspiratorially.

“It’s a Halloween movie,” Sasuke denied. He actually didn’t care that much, but watching Naruto wrinkle his nose at his disagreement was amusing.

“Why can’t it be both?” Shikamaru pondered aloud. “Like, why do we have to pick a side? It’s a Christmas movie and a Halloween movie. It’s allowed to be both. Let it _ live, _guys.”

“Everybody shut up and watch the damn movie!” Ino snapped.

“What, no announcing of the rules?” Kiba asked.

“Fuck you guys, y’all can read so fuckin’ read it! I’m done trying to keep _ anyone’s _attention for more than ten seconds.”

With that, Ino planted herself on the floor in front of Sakura, who unfolded her legs to place her feet on either side of her girlfriend. She affectionately began petting Ino’s head, and she closed her eyes, trying to calm down. Sasuke slid his gaze away. _ I should probably at least try to pay attention to this one. It’s a lot of gore, but I’ve seen it before, so it should be okay… _Still, Sasuke found himself looking down at his phone, saving the Ichiraku address. He was about to open Instagram, just to scroll mindlessly for a bit, when the notification banner popped up. 

_ N: I’m literally incapable of sitting still and paying attention... _

He tapped the banner, the messages app opening up and showing the rest of the text.

_ N: I’m literally incapable of sitting still and paying attention to this movie _

_ right now. Don’t get me wrong, I love die hard, but I’ve seen it a thousand _

_ times, yknow. _(ーー;)

Sasuke glanced down at Naruto. He was lying on his side, his torso up on the corner of the beanbag, elbow propping up his head at a ninety degree angle. His legs were still on the floor, but he had tucked them in closer to his body, his feet just a few inches away from Sasuke’s.

_ S: Same. _

_ N: Cool, I’m gonna bother you then! _\\(★ω★)/ 

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

_ S: If you must. _

_ N: Okay so I gotta know, what kinds of movies do you like? _

_ S: Documentaries and mysteries. Sometimes adventure. _

_ N: Like, lord of the rings type adventure? _

_ S: Yeah. _

_ N: Like STAR WARS type adventure?? _

_ S: Yeah. _

_ N: OMG you’re a nerd too!!!! _☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆

_ S: Suppose so. _

_ N: The Star Wars original trilogy are my FAVORITE movies!!! _

_ N: It’s literally what got me into studying film as a minor! _

_ N: Not even just for the stories and stuff, but also like the how it’s made stuff. _

_ N: Like yknow in the prequel trilogy when Anakin is racing and there’s all those _

_ people in the crowds? Those were all like, toothpicks and q-tips and stuff!! And _

_ a lot of Star Wars sets were painted instead of CGI or special effects, which is _

_ CRAZY!!! Like I think that shit is just absolutely WILD!!! _

_ N: Which one is your favorite?? _

_ S: The one with the Ewoks. _

_ N: FUCK YEAH!!! _＼(≧▽≦)／

_ N: I think Return of the Jedi was the best one by far _

_ S: Agreed. _

Sasuke took a big sip as Kiba whooped and cups raised. He hadn’t paid attention to anything yet, and he didn’t really care to start.

_ S: How about you? _

_ N: What, like what kinds of movies do I like? _ _  
_ _ S: Yes, aside from adventures. _

_ N: I actually really like action movies, I’m just so over die hard right now. _

_ N: Comedies, of course. _

_ N: And I know this sounds weird but old timey romances?? That’s some _

_ GOOD SHIT. Like casa blanca and gone with the wind and shit. _

Sasuke couldn’t help but raise a brow at that. _ Not what I would have anticipated… _

_ N: Yknow what you would like? Film noir. _

_ S: Those are the black and white ones? _ _  
_ _ N: Yes! Not my taste tbh but good nonetheless. You like mysteries and you’ve _

_ got a pretty dark aesthetic so I feel like you’d probably like them, or appreciate _

_ them as art even if you don’t end up being a big fan of the content, yknow? _

Sasuke nodded. He wasn’t really familiar with film genres, and most of the movies he’d seen were with Ino or Sakura, occasionally Kakashi. He rarely watched anything alone, or for his own interest.

_ S: I’d try it. _

_ S: Where do I start? _

_ N: How familiar are you with film noir? _

_ S: Not at all. _

_ N: Ooh, cool! So a good place to start just to get a feel for the genre is something _

_ really, like, stereotypical I guess? I think double indemnity is a good one to start _

_ out with. It’s a 1944 film I think? Bad with dates tbh but I think it was 44. _

_ N: If you like that, then branch out to stuff like Kiss Me Deadly. That’s from the 50s. _

_ That’ll give you a taste of what the later stuff was like too. _

Sasuke was glad Naruto had his back to him as a small smile graced his features.

_ S: Okay. Thanks. _

Through the entirety of Die Hard, they texted back and forth. Naruto at one point shifted to sit on the very bottom of the beanbag, sweatshirt unzipped to reveal a Guardians of the Galaxy t-shirt, sprawling as if he owned the place. At that point, they’d been talking about books, and Naruto had asked for recommendations. Sasuke had pointed him to _ The Ables _ and _ Ender’s Game _, based on his choice of movies. They continued, drinking and texting about whatever came to mind, until Sasuke was too drunk to type correctly and Naruto’s little emoticons devolved into just :), autocorrect being the only thing keeping him afloat words-wise. The movie ended after what felt like a small eternity, and Kiba was the first to jump up, swaying a bit.

“Guys, I got an idea!” he slurred.

“Wassup?” Ino asked.

“Not everyone here really knows each other. Why don’t we play some-” He belched, then laughed at himself. “Whoa, alright. Why don’t we play some not-movie drinking games!”

“Like what?”

“Hmmm….” He took a swig of his drink, as if that would help him think better, then decisively said, “Truth or Dare is easy! You gotta drink if you don’t answer the question or do the dare.” Neji snorted.

“What are we, twelve?” Sasuke made eye contact from across the room, where Neji was sitting cross-legged on a chair, and they shared a snicker.

“It’s easy and we’re smashed so it’ll be fun! Anyone who’s not drunk enough to play, finish your drink now!” Neji rolled his eyes, but finished his drink anyway, as did Sakura and Tenten. Sasuke furrowed his brow, nudging Naruto’s shoulder.

“Huh?”

“Isn’t Tenten driving?” he asked. Naruto blinked, uncomprehending at first, then seemed to understand what he meant as he watched her get up to refill her cup.

“Oh yeah, she drove here, but Lee’s gonna drive back. He doesn’t drink ‘cause he tends to get in trouble. And she’s got a Jeep so the snow really isn’t a huge problem, especially since they all live together nearby.”

Sasuke nodded, releasing a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. _ Cool, so I don’t have to steal people’s keys tonight… _Naruto gestured to Kiba, who was cleaning out a bottle in the bathroom sink, the door wide open and lights so fucking bright. 

“Kiba’s sister is gonna come by and get me and him and Hinata if the roads are plowed out by then. If not, they’re gonna stay in the guest room upstairs and I’m gonna chill on a mat down here. We talked it out with Ino and Sakura beforehand.” _ So that’s why Ino didn’t offer me the guest room like she usually does. Interesting that she didn’t tell me I’d be sharing the basement with anyone else. That’s something she’d normally tell me ahead of time… _

Kiba returned triumphantly with the bottle and set it on the floor. Everyone descended from their various perches to sit on the floor, except for Sasuke, who merely settled to the bottom of the beanbag next to Naruto, and Chōji, who did the same on his own chair. The door opened, and a tall man in a coat and sunglasses entered.

“Shino!!! You’re just in time!!!” Kiba hollered, abandoning the bottle to tackle-hug him. Shino raised his arms but didn’t really hug back, just sort of patted Kiba’s back. “We’re gonna play Truth or Dare, we’re gonna spin the bottle to see who goes. Grab a drink and come join us!!! You have a _ lot _of catching up to do!” Shino merely nodded, waving to everyone as he was led bodily to the drinks table. Sasuke nudged Naruto again.

“Who’s that?” he asked.

“Who, Shino? He’s Kiba’s friend.” Sasuke pursed his lips.

“Is it just me or does he have a…”

“Weird vibe? Trash aura? Yeah, it’s ‘cause he’s an absolute fuckin’ weirdo.” Naruto chuckled. “Don’t worry, though, he’s harmless. Actually, you’d probably get along. He’s a _ savage _ when he finally warms up enough to start talking.” Sasuke nodded, not entirely convinced, but elected to ignore it as he wriggled around, forcing the beanbag to settle in a more comfortable shape again.

Soon, everyone was sitting expectantly in a circle. 

“Well? Start it,” Ino instructed, looking at Kiba.

“You want me to start?”

“You’re the one who suggested it.”

“Oh, okay! Uhh, let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves first? ‘Cause again, not everybody really knows each other, right? So, I’m Kiba!” He turned to Hinata. She was red-faced and wide-smiled.

“Hinata.” It was the loudest Sasuke had ever heard her. Meaning, she spoke at an average volume for the first time… possibly ever.

“Ino, obviously,” she said, one knee up and her elbow propped against it, looking just like she did in high school: a mean jock girl. Sasuke couldn’t help but snicker.

“Sakura!” She waved with one hand and punched Sasuke with the other, as if she’d heard the thought. He glared at her, rubbing his arm.

“Sasuke.” When nothing but silence followed, Sasuke elbowed Naruto in the ribs.

“What, is it my turn?” he asked, glancing up from his phone and reaching for the bottle. Sasuke smacked his hand.

“Just say your name, idiot!”

“I’m not an idiot, you bastard!” He turned cheerily to the group at large. “I’m Naruto!”

“We know,” the whole room chorused. He chuckled, sheepishly scratching at his head. 

“Haha, that’s right, everyone here _ does _know me.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. _ He really is an idiot… _

“By the way, Sasuke, how did you two meet?” Sakura asked.

“I deliver his pizzas!” Naruto supplied helpfully. She cocked her head to the side, like a confused puppy dog.

“But you don’t even like pizza.” 

“And you’re lactose intolerant,” Ino added.

“HA! I knew it!” Naruto cried, prodding at Sasuke’s thigh. He swatted at him.

“Don’t touch me, loser!”

“I’m the loser?!” he squawked. “You’re the one so pussy-whipped by his roommates he keeps buying food he doesn’t even like!

Tenten had filled in the space next to Naruto at some point, but Sasuke didn’t notice until she loudly cleared her throat, having initially waited patiently for them to finish arguing before she continued the introductions. Her patience had now run out, though, if the vein standing out on her neck meant anything. She smiled at their silence and Naruto’s ducked head.

“Hi, I’m Tenten!”

“Neji.”  
“I’m Rock Lee, but you can just call me Lee! Or Rock! Whichever!” Sasuke rolled his eyes.

“I wish I had actual nicknames like that,” Naruto lamented, glancing pathetically at Sasuke, clearly looking for sympathy. He ignored the look entirely, but Naruto seemed unperturbed. “All I get is Nart or Nardo, and Nardo isn’t even short for Naruto, it’s short for Bernardo! D’you know how many people think my name is Bernardo ‘cause these chucklefucks keeping introducing me to people like that?” he said, jabbing a thumb toward Kiba, then Ino and Sakura. “I couldn’t even get a cool nickname like Kiba! Yknow what his real name is? _ Cristobal _ . And rather than normal fuckin’ Cris, everybody calls him Kiba! That shit means ‘fang’! That’s badass! And here I am. Nart. Nardo. _ Bleh _.” Sasuke shrugged.

“At least Nardo is a real name. Have you heard what Ino calls me yet?”

“No, what’s she call you?”

“Just wait.” Naruto didn’t push the subject. Shikamaru and Chōji had already given their names, Shino had merely waved as Kiba introduced him, and now the circle was complete.

“Hell yeah, let’s start!” Kiba said

He leaned over and spun the bottle. It landed on Lee.

“Yes! I pick Dare!” he said before Kiba could even speak. He laughed. 

“That’s the fuckin’ spirit! I dare you to eat a spoonful of mustard!”

“I accept! Where is it?” Naruto laughed as Ino scrambled upstairs, only to immediately call for Sakura. She rolled her eyes as she stood, sighing exasperatedly.

“She’s no better than a man!” Her smile, though, showed that statement held no anger at all as she ran up the stairs after her. Soon, they came back with mustard and a spoon. 

“LET’S DO THIS!” Lee cried.

Around the circle they went. It started out tame, but each pass around got weirder dares and more intimate questions. Tenten asked Sakura her favorite sex position, and she turned a deeper shade of red than her headband, glancing at Ino for the okay to speak before promptly chickening out and drinking instead. Shikamaru dared Ino to beat Chōji in a burping contest- spoiler: she couldn’t. Ino dared Shikamaru to lick Chōji’s chest in retaliation for making her burp publicly. Shikamaru cringed the whole time, gagging after, and Ino laughed so hard she started crying. Hinata asked Chōji about his most embarrassing moment. Sakura then dared Neji to cut his hair. He looked her dead in the eye and shotgunned his whole drink. She squealed with laughter.

“Okay, Sauce, your turn!” Ino called. Naruto audibly held back a laugh.

“What?”

“She calls you _ Sauce _?” he asked, laughing. Sasuke sighed heavily.

“Yes, she does.” He spun the bottle, much harder than he’d intended, and it whipped round and round furiously for a moment. In his intoxication, just the anticipation of seeing who the bottle picked had his heart pounding. Finally, it stopped, and Sasuke’s gaze followed its lead to land on Tenten. She bounced excitedly, waiting for him.

“Truth or Dare?”

“Dare!”

“U-um…” He had come up with a dare- _an actual fun one, at that!_\- but the harder he tried to recover it from his memory, the further it slipped away. _ C’mon, brain, work! Make words! English ones! Please! _Naruto glanced up at him, having sunken to lay down some time ago, propped up with both elbows behind him on the beanbag chair.

“Is something wrong, Sasuke?” he asked, eyes big and blue, like little skies… Sasuke shook his head to clear it. _ Focus! _

“Just lost my train of thought.” He looked back to Tenten. “Show me your best party trick.” Her grin stretched from ear to ear, and she rolled her shoulders.

“Okay, I need a little room!” she said as she stood. The remaining girls and Kiba hopped back up onto the couch, Shikamaru and Chōji huddled on their beanbag chair, Neji and Lee stood off to the side, and Naruto clamored up onto Sasuke’s beanbag, their shoulders bumping together. Sasuke flinched- _ bad shoulder, must protect _ \- but Naruto didn’t even seem to notice. “Some of you know this already, some of you don’t, but I’m _ extremely _flexible.”

“How flexible?” Neji asked nonchalantly, egging her on. She flashed him a knowing smirk. 

“This flexible!”

She removed her sweater, revealing a purple sports bra underneath. Kiba, Shikamaru, and Chōji all howled, delighted and surprised, and Ino gave an impressive wolf whistle. _ Between that and the joggers, she looks like she came _ _ prepared _ _ for whatever she’s about to do... _Tenten rolled her eyes, smiling, then centered herself, hands pressed together just over her heart, taking a few deep breaths. Then, from standing, she dipped straight back into an Exorcist-style pose. Sasuke half expected her to try crawling up the stairs like that. 

“Holy shit!” Naruto squawked. 

“You think that’s good? Get a load of this!” She straightened her legs, and somehow, _ impossibly _ , got not only her forearms to press against the floor, but also her head to face her knees. Her body was essentially making a wave shape, completely contorted. It actually made Sasuke a little nauseous. Kiba was absolutely losing it, screaming nonsense, and Naruto clung to Sasuke’s arm with a gasp as she _ turned her head enough to smile at them. _ Sasuke could only stare, not even able to shake Naruto off him.

“Tenten, what the _ fuck _?!” Naruto screamed. 

“THIS IS AMAZING!!!!” Kiba cried. Tenten unfurled and knelt on the ground. 

“I got another for you guys. This one has a big strength and balance aspect too.” 

With that, she placed her hands flat on the ground and leaned forward, lifting her feet off the floor and holding her whole body weight up on her hands. She shifted her torso and legs to the side, her left knee against the outside of her right elbow. She then wrapped her right leg around her neck, such that her foot was right up against her left ear. “This is called ‘bound side crow’. It’s a more advanced variation of crow pose. What I did for you earlier was a classic wheel, and then I went into a forearm wheel.” She untangled her body and rocked back on her heels, standing back up as everyone started clapping, Kiba whooping and hollering.

“New idea!” Ino said, waving her arms emphatically. “Brief detour! _ Everybody _ show off your best party trick!”

When no one objected, Ino got up. 

“Wait right here!” She stumbled around the couch to the drinks table, pouring herself something and grabbing napkins. She sat back down with a full drink and a pile of napkins. “My trick is making fun napkin shapes!”

“Like what?” Lee asked, clearly intrigued. She flashed him a smile, already working her hands nimbly around a napkin. 

“I can do a lot of things. My favorite, though, is this-” She tossed her creation to him, which he caught with ease. She had made the napkin into a rose, complete with a stem. Lee’s eyes lit up.

“That’s incredible! What else?” She was already working on a new one, producing a heart which she held up to show everyone. She then turned to Sakura, placing it in her hands.

“Remember this?” she asked. Sakura nodded, looking a little choked up. “I asked her out with a napkin heart just like it,” she informed the group at large. Everyone aw’d, and Ino planted a kiss on her cheek even as a deep blush settled on Sakura’s face again. 

“While they’re having kissy time, I’m gonna go,” Shikamaru announced suddenly, sitting up straight for the first time all night. “I can completely immobilize anyone here.”

“Bullshit, Twiggy,” Kiba teased.

“And now you’re my first volunteer. Come take a seat, meathead.” Shikamaru shooed Neji out of the chair he was sitting in. Though he glared, he moved to sit with Tenten back in the circle. Shikamaru patted the chair, and Kiba plopped into it, folding his arms complacently over his chest. “Watch,” he said to his audience. He placed his finger in the middle of Kiba’s forehead. “Now stand up without using your hands.”

“Phbt, easy.”

Kiba tensed, and his eyes widened as he realized it wasn’t quite so easy after all. 

“What’s the matter, big guy? Having some trouble?” Shikamaru taunted.

“What the hell?!” Shikamaru removed his finger, then, and Kiba shot up so fast he knocked the chair back onto the floor. If it wasn’t for Shikamaru grabbing his arm and Lee standing near enough to catch him, he definitely would have fallen over too. Once he was stable, Lee rightened the chair, and Shikamaru bowed. Everyone clapped, amused.

“That’s good, but I still think Sakura’s party trick puts yours to shame, Shika,” Ino said. He shrugged.

“I have to agree. My trick is just a trick of the human body, really. Hers is all talent.”

“Oh, Sakura! Please do your trick!” Naruto cried, bouncing excitedly and making the beanbag shift. Sasuke felt himself sinking, and he flicked Naruto’s ear. “Hey, what gives!” he whined.

“Either stop moving or sit on the floor, dobe.”

“_ Dobe _?! What, English wasn’t a good enough language for you to insult me in?!” 

Sasuke snorted, but his heart fluttered. _ He knows Japanese? _

“I’m surprised you knew it was from a different language at all.” 

“Listen, jerkface, if there’s one thing I know, it’s Japanese!”

“Let me guess, you went through a weeaboo phase?” he sneered.

“I did,” he admitted easily, “but that was _ way _ after I first started learning.” He took a breath at Sasuke’s unconvinced eyebrow. “I’m dyslexic and I was having a really hard time passing my foreign language classes, so my godfather- I lived with him at the time- decided to enroll me in Japanese classes on the weekends. My school accepted it for credit, and learning a phonetic language was way easier for me. When I moved I kept up with it ‘cause I was good at it already and I like it!” Naruto poked Sasuke’s chest. “Did _ you _learn it through a weeaboo phase?” Sasuke snorted again.

“I’m Japanese, stupid. It’s not weeaboo if I’m actually Japanese.” 

“I figured you were, with a name like Sasuke, but I’m not one to assume.”

“Your name is Naruto, that’s pretty Japanese. Are you?” Naruto snorted this time.

“Yes, but I wasn’t raised in the culture at all except for the language courses, which I didn’t even start til I was, like, thirteen anyway. I don’t really call myself Japanese ‘cause I was like, raised white, y’know? But I’ve been making a real effort to connect with it. Maybe someday I’ll feel… good enough? To call myself that?” He frowned, clearly unhappy with his word choice but seemingly unable to come up with a better one. He drank and shrugged. “Anyway, my parents didn’t originally name me Naruto, I named myself that.” Sasuke raised a brow.

“Really?”

“Yeah! I _ hated _my deadname!”

Sasuke blinked. _ Oh. Okay. _ Naruto’s eyes widened, an “oh shit” moment written all over his face as he sat up. _ He clearly didn’t mean to say that, but it’s not a problem or anything. I’m just… surprised he’d say something like that so soon… _ Naruto opened his mouth to speak more, but only a strangled little noise came out. _ I have to derail this or normalize it somehow, I can’t have him thinking he’s made a terrible mistake. He hasn’t! Just play it cool, and maybe- _

“So, why Naruto?” he asked casually, leaning back into the beanbag and gazing up at him, one arm folded behind his head. It took Naruto a moment to gather himself, but when it finally clicked, his smile could have outshone the sun.

“It’s interesting! I’ve never heard of anyone else being named Naruto! So it’s, like, a built-in conversation starter, yknow? Also, it means ‘maelstrom’ and my last name basically means ‘whirlpool’ which is dope as _ fuck _! And it’s also the little swirly things in ramen. They’re so cute! Why would I not want to be named after those?!” Sasuke nodded, leaning forward just far enough to finish his drink, shivering a bit at how strong it was. His eyes were starting to feel heavy and unfocused as he laid back down.

“Those are good reasons.” He allowed himself to close his eyes for a moment.

“Hey, Sasuke, you okay?” Naruto asked, poking his temple. Sasuke turned and pretended to bite at the offending finger, eliciting a frightened yelp.

“I’m fine, stupid. Just tired.”

“Sasuke!” Ino barked.

“What?”

“Sit up and do a goddamn party trick!”

Evidently the others had all done theirs while he and Naruto were talking. Now just the two of them were left. Sasuke dutifully sat back up with a little groan. Kiba snorted.

“What could your party trick possibly be? Pompous assholery?” Hinata whispered something to him under her breath, angling herself to face him while placing herself between the two of them. Sasuke simply rolled his eyes, standing with his hand against the wall for support.

“What was your trick again, kennel cough?” Kiba’s face flushed with anger, and Sasuke waved a dismissive hand before he could even answer. “Doesn’t matter, you’re gonna shit yourself once you’ve seen mine.” The room spun a bit, but he did not let that deter him. He grabbed a bottle of Bacardi off the table, turning to the rest of the group. “Get your shoes on, circus freaks! We’re goin’ outside!” Naruto and Lee jumped up with a hoot, while Tenten and Shikamaru groaned.

“Do we have to?” someone whined in all the commotion. Sasuke didn’t know or care who.

“If you wanna see the trick, then yes.” All Sasuke cared about was getting out there. It was stiflingly hot now that he was moving around. He tugged at his collar, about to pull off his sweatshirt when he realized he wasn’t wearing it.

Sakura caught him by the shoulder on his way to the door.

“Hey, you seem really off. You didn’t take your meds today, right?” she asked as she handed him his sweatshirt. _ How did she know…? _He blinked a few times, trying to focus on her face and remember the events of that morning. It felt like years ago already.

“I dunno.” 

“Sasuke.” She sounded so disappointed in him. He pretended not to notice and shrugged.

“I’ll either throw up or I won’t.” She frowned, helping him into his sweatshirt even though he didn’t need her to. _ I don’t need anyone’s help… _

“That’s not what I’m worried about and you know it.” She stopped him from moving with a hand over his heart. “Promise me if you start feeling really bad you’ll say something.”

“Sakura-”

“Just promise me!” Her eyes were genuine and pleading, and he sighed.

“Okay. I promise.” Her smile was soft. He’d missed it.

“Thanks. Now let’s go see your trick.”

The cold air was invigorating. Sasuke bounded up the steps and into the front yard, the snow reaching the middle of his calf now. _ Good thing my boots are tall. _ The wind blew toward the east, so that’s the way he faced as the others emerged, gathering to watch his trick. _ Last thing I need is to have this blow back in my face… _

“Alright, Sasuke, we’re ready!” He gave a thumbs up, then twisted the cap off the Bacardi and pulled a lighter out of his pocket. It was the same rush he’d felt when he thought Naruto was going to fight him all those hours ago, but this time more real. The air was sharp in his lungs and the stars stark again the blackest sky and the rum stung the cut in his lip. _ Here goes nothing! _

The fireball he created then was the best he’d ever done, the wind aiding its size. Screams erupted from the stairs, and he quickly flicked the lighter off as he continued to spit the rest of the rum. The flames dissipated on their own, and he couldn’t help but smile. _ I’m a badass and I didn’t burn my face even a little! _ He turned back to the crowd. Sakura looked like she was going to have a coronary, Shikamaru’s joint hung limp from his lip as his jaw hung slack, Neji's eyebrows had shot up into his hairline, and Ino screamed again.

“I see it now! I see why girls like him! That’s so fuckin’ _ sick _, oh my god!”

“HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!” Kiba howled into the night. Sasuke merely winked, slugging back some rum straight out of the bottle.

“A magician never reveals his tricks. Just enjoy the magic while it lasts, Cujo.”

“Amazing, Sasuke! I expect nothing less from my esteemed rival!” Lee cried, pumping his fist up in the air.

“Do it again, do it again!” Naruto said excitedly, bouncing around uninhibited. Sakura smacked his head so hard it echoed.

“DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM!” 

Naruto pouted, first at her, and then at _him_, those blue eyes so sad, so pleading_…_ _Oh god, I can’t say no!_ Before anyone could stop him, Sasuke took another huge mouthful of rum, flipped on the lighter, and made one more fireball, even bigger, even _brighter_ than the last. The blaze came so close to his face he could feel the heat, and his eyes closed reflexively, and if his cheeks were a little red the next day then so be it. It was worth the look on Naruto’s face as the flames went out once more and the alcohol left his mouth completely and he winked again, this time just for him, before tucking his lighter safely back into his pocket and slugging back more rum. _I feel amazing. Is this euphoria? I’m dizzy and my vision is blurry but I don’t care, life is __good__… _

Next thing he knew, Sasuke was getting tackled by not just Naruto, but Kiba and Lee and Ino and even Chōji. Normally he would reject any physical contact, but in that moment, he couldn’t be bothered. It was as if he was the runty kid in a baseball movie who just hit the winning home-run, and for once- _ just for once _ \- he let himself enjoy it. His left arm wrapped automatically around Naruto’s waist, and he was firm and warm against him, and Naruto’s fingers threaded through Sasuke’s hair and he had to suppress a hum at how _ nice _ it felt, and- _ oh shit, what am I doing?! _ The sudden awareness hit him like a freight train and he disengaged. Detached. Wholly and completely, from everyone.

“Alright, that’s enough, get off!” he snapped, and everyone scrambled to get away from him. Except Naruto. The idiot just stood right in front of him, the puffs of their breath forming into a single cloud between them, and he smiled radiantly, making the coldness and stiffness in Sasuke wobble, melt- _ sway _\- even if just a little bit.

“You definitely got the best trick,” he stated. It was so matter-of-fact. The sky is blue- _ like Naruto’s eyes _ \- and the grass is green- _ like the scarf around his neck _ \- and Sasuke has the best party trick- _ that’s what Naruto said, in that clear-ringing voice _\- and Sasuke felt as if he could float right away.

He wasn’t sure when or how he wandered back inside, nor how Naruto ended up with the Bacardi instead of him, but he was lying in the beanbag, the softness cradling him, looking up at Naruto as he yelled and pointed.

“Fine! I’ll do it! But first-!” Sasuke watched him tilt his head back and drink. One… two… three gulps of rum, his adam’s apple bobbing, his eyes screwed shut, before he slammed the bottle on the coffee table- _ when did they put that back? _ \- and stomped off.  
“Where are you going?!” Ino demanded. _ So bossy. Only gets bossier when she’s drunk. _

“I need a prop for this trick, okay?!” The room spun, but not in the fun, drunk way. It was too fast, too unsteady, to be fun. Sasuke closed his eyes, if only to make it stop for a second… 

A hand smacked his thigh, and he jerked forward, looking around for the source. Ino was staring at him, much too intently, a furrow in her brow and her lips pursed.

“You took your meds this morning, didn’t you?” she accused. Sasuke struggled to keep his eyes open and focused.

“I think I might have.” The words tumbled out of his mouth slurred and heavily accented, barely recognizable, and Ino smacked him again, harder.

“Are you a fucking idiot?!” she cried.

“It’s not like I’m gonna die or nothin’.”

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT, STUPID!”

“HEY!” Naruto bellowed, gaining everyone’s attention in an instant. “You fuckin’ ready yet? I wanna get this shit over with.” _ All he has is a toothbrush… _

The noise all around him was confusing, jumbling his senses, and he wasn’t sure why he stood but he was standing now, and Naruto took a deep breath across the room.

“I have no gag reflex- and before you ask!- _ yes _ , I can prove it.” He took another deep breath, took hold of the toothbrush by the bristles, then shoved the handle down his throat in one fluid movement. Naruto did not gag, just as he claimed he wouldn’t. But Sasuke, dizzy already, gagged at the sight. _ Fuck! _

He managed to stumble his way into the bathroom without attracting attention, everyone too busy screaming or laughing or also gagging over Naruto’s talent, and closed the door behind him. The lights were searingly bright, the ceramic cold against his palms. His face felt far too hot, and he felt his whole body clench as his ears began to ring.

He wasn’t sure how long he hunched over the toilet. He got it over with as quietly as possible. He wiped the tears that pricked the corners of his eyes. He was still dizzy, but as he picked up his head and opened his eyes again, he realized the spinning was much less violent now. He had managed to keep the mess completely contained, so he merely flushed the toilet and sprayed some Lysol he found on the floor beside him. He closed the lid, pressed his hands flat against the top of it, and willed himself to stand. He felt shaky and weak, hot and cold at the same time. _ This is bad. I thought I was okay, then it hit me all at once... _The world suddenly tilted too far to the side, and he just barely caught himself on the counter before he would have hit his head on it. He sank back down to the floor. It pulled on his shoulder, and pain shot down his arm. He clutched at it with his other arm, blinded, writhing against wood and ceramic. _ Fuck, this is definitely a drug interaction. I’m so stupid! Sakura’s gonna worry and get no sleep, and then I’ll feel bad, and Ino’s gonna be all “I told you so” and bring it up constantly for the next three weeks, and- _

A knock on the door startled him. He tried to speak, but his voice came out a rasp. It opened a fraction.

“Sasuke?” _ Fuck, why _ _ Naruto _ _ of all people?! _ He heard the door open wider, then close, footsteps coming toward him. “Hey, are you alright?” Naruto placed his hand against the bad shoulder, and Sasuke flinched, his other shoulder bumping against the toilet. “Shit, I’m sorry! What happened? Did I hurt you?”

“It’s always hurt,” he answered hoarsely, gritting his teeth as he forced himself to straighten on his knees again. He could almost focus on Naruto’s face now, concern written in every feature.

“Should I get Sakura in here?”

“No!” he said quickly, grabbing Naruto’s wrist to keep him from leaving. “No.”

“Why not? She can help!” Sasuke shook his head.

“She can’t fix my shoulder. No one can.” The bitterness was irrepressible. He drew a breath. _ Get it together, asshole. _ “And she can’t fix that I’m having a drug interaction right now, either. She’ll just worry. I…” He licked his lip, and it stung- _ fucking cut! _ \- and he was reminded of how bad his mouth tasted, and he nearly gagged again, but forced himself to calm down. _ Focus. Please focus. _“She doesn’t deserve a sleepless night because of my own stupidity.”

“D-drug interaction?” Naruto repeated. Sasuke sighed.

“I take a few medications. I’m not supposed to drink while I’m on them, because they don’t interact well. I usually just don’t take them if I know I’ll be drinking, but I must have taken them while half-asleep this morning and didn’t remember”

Naruto nodded, adjusting to sit cross-legged on the floor at Sasuke’s side.

“I get it. I used to take a medication that interacted badly with alcohol, too.” Sasuke nodded back. “What happens to you?”  
“At first I feel great. I have fun. But then I get dizziness, nausea, vomiting. Confused, sometimes.” Naruto nodded. 

“Already threw up, I take it?” Sasuke nodded. He felt like a bobblehead. “So why don’t we get you some Gatorade and something to eat, then take it easy for the rest of the night, huh?” Sasuke merely nodded once more, unable to protest even if he’d wanted to. He drew a breath as he braced himself to try standing once more. _ C’mon, Uchiha. You’re stronger than this. _He struggled back up to his feet, swaying as once more the room slid to the side. This time, though, Naruto was there to hold him up, his arm around Sasuke’s waist. “I got you. You gonna puke?” Sasuke shook his head, forcing himself to breathe evenly. The spinning slowed a bit, and the spots that had sparked across his vision began to fade. “Okay, good. Already an improvement, right?” Sasuke laid both his hands on the counter, searching for the mouthwash and disposable cups he knew were hiding somewhere. “I’ll be right back.”

Sasuke did not remember finding the mouthwash and cups, but he felt the mint still lingering on his tongue when he emerged from the bathroom. Naruto was re-entering the basement with an open bottle of Gatorade, which he handed to Sasuke as they both went back into the living room.

“About time you guys came back! What were you doing in there, Nart, suckin’ his dick?” Kiba taunted. Naruto simply smacked him in the back of his head as he passed, Sasuke settling for a hollow glare as he carefully returned to the beanbag. He allowed himself to sink into it, sipping gingerly at the Gatorade.

“Sakura, Ino, we got any bread or crackers or somethin’?” Naruto asked. Ino said something incoherent against Sakura’s neck, clearly hammered and quickly nodding off. _ I feel that. _The room spun lazily now, and in all truth, he was grateful for even that small improvement. His eyes slipped shut…

“Sasuke, wake up!”

He tossed his head forward, smacking straight back into consciousness.

“Hn?” He blinked. A sandwich was being offered to him, and he took it, although confusedly. “Wassat?” he asked, equally confused by his sudden speech impediment.

“Sandwich. I even took the cheese off for you.” He blinked again. _ I know that voice, but why…? _The hand holding it happened to also be attached to Naruto.

“Oh, it’s you.”

“Yeah it’s me, who else?” Sasuke shrugged, taking the sandwich. Naruto plunked down heavily next to him. “How do you feel?”

Sasuke chewed slowly as he thought about it.

“Weird,” he said at last, swallowing. _ This is too big. _ To his fascination, it had already been cut in half. _ Where did this even come from? Nevermind, doesn’t matter. _He handed half back to Naruto, who looked confused himself now.

“Why are you giving me this?”  
“Too much.”

“Ah.”

Sasuke nibbled on his half while Naruto eliminated his in two bites, the two of them eating in silence for a moment. He had automatically tuned out the noise around him, well past his threshold, but screaming erupted as something happened in a game the others were playing at the coffee table and he winced. Naruto noticed, swallowing a mouthful of the Gatorade he’d brought him. _ Fair enough. He did go to all the trouble to get it. And I didn’t even notice him take it out of my hand… _

“D’you wanna go somewhere more quiet?” Naruto asked. Sasuke glanced between him and the others.

“It’s okay.”

“You sure? It’s no trouble.”

“Don’ want you t’ miss out.” _ Didn’t I already throw up? Why is the slurring getting worse instead of better? It is worse, right? Or maybe I’m just noticing it now… _Naruto shook his head.

“I can join in any time. Besides, I could use the break, too.” His eyes held a mischievous glint. “I could also raid the upstairs fridge for the good food.”

_ He’s strong. _ Before he’d even registered what was going on, Naruto had taken hold of his arm and started toting him along to the stairs. He had a short exchange with someone else as they neared the stairs, but Sasuke didn’t hear or understand. It all sounded like mish-moshed gibberish at this point. _ I’m so tired. I just wanna sleep… _He felt the urge to climb the stairs on all fours, but between Naruto and the banister he was able to make it upright, if just barely. To his credit, Sasuke only tripped once, his sock slipping on the edge of a step. Naruto’s arm stayed firm around his waist, and he had clung to the banister for dear life with the other hand anyway. By the time they got to the top, Sasuke was sweating and shaking again.

“You’re doing a great job,” Naruto was saying softly. The timbre of his voice lulled Sasuke’s senses. “When my medications interacted, I panicked. But you’re doing really well. Just let me know if you feel sick, okay? The bathroom’s right here.” Sasuke nodded, weakly pushing him away and tottering in by himself. He threw up, silently. _ Just get it up. _ Again, this time only bile remaining. The chemical taste was awful and pungent, made him dry heave before vomiting once more. He realized he was holding his breath and gasped. _ Gotta breathe. That’s important. _The dizziness was starting to overwhelm him again, sweating even though the floor was so cold. He blinked and he was lying on it, his eyes threatening to roll back into his head, and Naruto was shaking his shoulder- the good one- and calling his name.

“M’okay.”

“You don’t look it.”

Sasuke pushed himself up, just to prove it, and Naruto knelt behind him to help haul him to his feet again. He heard the toilet flush, even though he didn’t touch it. He was leaning against the counter now, heavily, Naruto rummaging beneath the sink.

“What’re you-”

“There!” He pulled a toothbrush out from the depths of the cabinet, and grabbed the toothpaste on the counter. He placed a glob on the brush then ran it under the water.

“Heathen.” 

Naruto blinked, bewildered but also a little amused.

“What’d you just call me?”

“Heathen,” he said again. “You put the toothpaste on first.” Naruto rolled his eyes.

“Literally passing out in front of me and you _ still _manage to be the world’s biggest asshole.” Sasuke shut his eyes, making a noise somewhere between a hum and a chuckle, sitting himself down on top of the closed toilet. Naruto knelt in front of him. “Open your mouth.” Sasuke frowned, attempting to swipe the toothbrush from his hand, but right now, Naruto was way faster. “Nuh-uh. Ino told me what you did to yourself last time. You are not to be trusted.” Sasuke rolled his eyes.

“That was _ years _ ago.”

“You brushed so hard you bled for, like, three days. I’m not letting that happen when I’m right here, perfectly capable of doing it _ without _ hurting you.”

“It was different then,” he protested. “I can do it.”

“Sakura and Ino will literally kill me if something happens to you up here. Just let me do it?”

“Nope.” Sasuke managed to wrestle it out of his hand, popping it in his mouth before Naruto could do anything about it. They glared at each other, but Naruto relented. _ I win. _Sasuke contentedly, if not a bit uncoordinatedly, began brushing his teeth himself. 

“You’re a stubborn little bastard, y’know. Like, are you aware of that? That you’re a stubborn bastard? ‘Cause you are. I would wring your neck if you were in any shape to fight back.”

“Bring it,” Sasuke said, nearly spitting toothpaste all over both of them.

“No way. When we fight, I want it to be as fair as possible.” Sasuke grinned, carefully standing and leaning over to spit into the sink.

“When?”

“Yes. I wanna fight you for real, Sasuke. Someday. Definitely not today.” He smirked as he rinsed his mouth and spit again.

“I wanna fight you, too.”

Sasuke caught Naruto’s smiling reflection in the mirror.

“Just lemme know when and where, bastard. I’ll be there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope you guys liked this chapter! i know it's not as fluffy as the previous chapters, but don't worry! the fluff will return! keep on the lookout for chapter 5, and thanks so much for reading!!!
> 
> naruto says trans rights!


	5. It's NOT a Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise i didn't forget about you guys!! life has been a disaster lately. but im big sad and bored in quarantine so look! another chapter!

Sasuke had never, in his life, given a singular, solitary fuck about what he wore.

_ That’s not entirely true _ , he thought as he rummaged through his meager closet. _ I clearly have an aesthetic. But it’s easy, it’s just… black. _ He sighed frustratedly as he shifted more clothes to the side. _ Why is everything I have either super casual or super formal? Do I really have nothing in between? _ He could feel Jūgo’s curious gaze on his back, and for the moment tried to ignore it. _ I dunno why I’m even stressing out about this. It’s _ _ Naruto__. He doesn’t seem like the type to really care… _

“Sasuke.”

He glanced back irritably.

“What, Jūgo?” The man’s eyebrow quirked at Sasuke’s unwarranted attitude.

“What are you looking for?”

“Something decent to wear.” 

“You don’t have anything?”

“Nothing.” He nodded sagely.

“Why don’t you borrow from Suigetsu?”

Sasuke blinked, not sure whether to be more offended by the idea of wearing Suigetsu’s clothes or by the fact that he hadn’t thought of it himself.

“He goes on dates,” Jūgo continued casually, shoving his nose back in his book. “He’ll have something.”

“It’s not a date, Jūgo.”

“Mmhm,” came his noncommittal response. Sasuke huffed.

“Wassup, fellas? Someone in need of a wardrobe change?” Sasuke glared daggers at Suigetsu’s face as it popped into view from the doorway. _ The curse of small apartments. _He waggled his eyebrows. “I heard pretty boy might finally be going on a date.” Sasuke’s glare became sharper if only to cover the blush creeping onto his face.

“It’s not a date,” he insisted. _ And why do people keep calling me pretty boy? _

Suigetsu snickered as he entered- _ invaded _\- Sasuke and Jūgo’s shared bedroom, bumping Sasuke aside to peruse the closet himself. Sasuke scowled, leaning against his desk with his arms folded across his chest.

“Y’know, Sasuke, mean looks like that are _ not _gonna score you a second date.”

“I’m not even looking for a first.”

“Of course not, you already have one. Though how you got it in the first place is beyond me.” He held up a shirt, then tsked and put it back.

“It’s _ not _a date.”

“I bet you’re going out with the pizza guy, aren’t you?” he continued, as if he couldn’t hear Sasuke at all.

“Who I see is none of your business.” He smacked Suigetsu’s hand away as he reached for a drawer. “And _ why _ I see them is also none of your business.” Suigetsu rolled his eyes.

“Please, Sasuke, relax. You’re allowed to say you’re going on a date. I won’t try to steal him from you or ruin your prudish reputation or whatever.” He paused to twist his neck to the side, the vertebrae giving an audible _ crack _ . “Also, you could have just _ said _your undies were in there, I wouldn’t have touched ‘em.”

“It’s _ not _ a date,” he repeated, choosing not to acknowledge that yes, that’s _ exactly _ why he didn’t want him to open that drawer. Suigetsu rolled his eyes one last time.

“Fine, be that way. What’s in the rest of the drawers?

“Socks, pajamas, miscellaneous.” Suigetsu raised a brow.

“What, like a junk drawer?”

“No, like hats, scarves, belts. Things like that.”  
“Oh, you mean accessories. Got it.” Sasuke cringed a little. “What? _ Accessories _?” He felt his eye twitch, even as he consciously suppressed his reaction. “You don’t like that word,” Suigestu pointed out, amused. “Acc-ess-or-ies.”

“Suigetsu,” Sasuke growled. He laughed.

“Well, that’s fun to know. I’ll be right back.”

Suigetsu walked out. Sasuke sank into his desk chair, glaring at the closet. _ Maybe if I stare at it long enough it’ll produce something different… _Instead, Suigetsu returned with arms full of shirts and pants. He tossed them on the bed.

“I’ve been meaning to donate these. They’re all just a bit too small on me, which means they should fit you perfectly. They’re yours now, do what you want. I gotta pack.”

“Where you goin’?” Jūgo asked, the first sign that he’d even noticed Suigetsu’s presence.

“Visiting my cousin for the holidays. We’re gonna go wreak some havoc in our hometown, just like the old days. Aren’t you going today, too?” Jūgo nodded, brushing stray locks of ginger hair from his eyes. “Where to?”

“Hiking.” When Jūgo seemed clearly uninterested in saying more, Suigetsu just nodded.

“Right. Well, have fun with that. See ya, Sasuke! Have fun on your date!”

“It’s not-!” Suigetsu closed the door before he could finish his sentence. _ Bastard. _Sasuke caught Jūgo staring. “Shouldn’t you be packing, too?”

“Already done.” He gestured toward a large backpack sitting on the floor at the foot of his bed. “Now that you mention it, though, I should be going.” Sasuke nodded.

“Have fun.” 

An unspoken _ stay safe _ followed that in the look they shared, to which Jūgo gave the smallest smile and nodded as he picked up his bag. He paused in the doorway, his hand against the threshold.

“Will you be okay alone?”

“Of course,” Sasuke answered nonchalantly, picking up a sweater and examining it with exaggerated interest, if only to avoid Jūgo’s knowing stare. “You have a phone?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“See you in two weeks?”

“I’ll be here.”  
“Okay. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Sasuke listened to Jūgo leave at the same time a commotion sounded in the other bedroom. _ Enter Karin in three… two… _ She caught the door just before it closed, throwing herself through it, socks sliding. _ One. _

“You’re going on a _ date _?!” she cried,

“Not a date,” he clarified, reading the size on a pair of dark blue jeans. _ Haven’t worn blue jeans in years. They’re my size, and a really dark wash, to be fair. I could try it on… _

“Then why did Suigetsu say-”  
“Suigetsu’s grip on reality is fleeting at best,” Sasuke reminded her absently, feeling the material of a different sweater. His nose wrinkled at how scratchy it was, and he let it drop to the floor.

“Obviously, but like… I’ve never even seen you _ buy _ clothes, why the sudden need for them?”

“The need is not sudden, I just haven’t had the money. This-” he gestured to the clothes here “-is a game-changer.”

“So, what, this was all an elaborate ploy to steal Suigetsu’s extra shit?” Sasuke side-eyed her. “Okay, obviously not, that’s stupid, you would’ve just taken them already if that’s what you wanted.” He nodded approvingly, turning back to the clothes. A black leather jacket had caught his eye, and as he pulled it out from the bottom of the pile he realized the sleeves were printed with a black-and-white checker pattern. _ Well _ _ that’s _ _ nice. _ He sniffed it. _ Real leather! Damn, Suigetsu, how much did you spend on this? _ The tags were still attached, but he had ripped off the price. _ That means the answer is probably too much… _ “Then why? If you’re not going on a date then what’s this for?” Sasuke shrugged as he laid the jacket down on his pillow. _ I could definitely make this work. Black shirt underneath, black ripped jeans… _

“Just time for something new.”

He grasped the back of his shirt and pulled it off in one clean motion, immediately donning a black shirt he’d left on the bed earlier. He was about to pull off his pants, too, but he glanced at Karin. Her gaze hadn’t left him the whole time, but now it was steadfast, as if daring him to tell her to go. _ Too bad I have no problem telling her to get lost. _

“You mind?” She blinked.

“What, you can’t change in front of me?”  
“I can, but I won’t.” 

“You’ve definitely been naked in front of Suigetsu and Jūgo before, why am I any different? Is it ‘cause I’m a woman? That’s misogynist, y’know, and personally I-”

“You’re the only one crazy enough to jump me,” he interrupted, “ballsy enough to take pictures, and stupid enough to post them.” Her eyes flashed.

“And you think if I wanted to do that I wouldn’t have already?”

“Your whims are intense and unpredictable. I’m not taking any chances.” She rolled her eyes.

“God, you’re no fun. Take some risks, live a little!”

“On my own terms. Until then,” he made a shooing gesture, “fuck off.” She rolled her eyes once more.

“Suigetsu’s right. You’re _ such _ a prude. Bye.”  
“Goodbye, Karin.” She stuck her tongue out as she left.

He waited for the door to shut and her footsteps to disappear into the next bedroom before he exchanged his sweatpants for black jeans, not fully ripped but starting to at the knees and near the pockets. He cuffed the bottoms, mostly to hide the fact that they were fraying. Lastly, he donned the black and checkered jacket. Keeping an ear out for Karin and Suigetsu, he slipped into the bathroom, where the full-length mirror resided on the back of the door. _ Yep, that looks fine. _He fiddled with his hair until it looked presentable, then slipped back out without either of them noticing, even though their bedroom door was open and he was clearly within their line of sight. Suigetsu was focused on getting his things together, and Karin was sitting on her bed cross-legged, her back to the door.

“-why you pack so many?”

“I _ told _ you, Karin, it’s _ hot _ there! I’ll definitely sweat through them! I need at least one for each day! What part of that don’t you understand?!” Sasuke shook his head. _ I don’t know what they’re talking about and I don’t want to. _ He checked the time on his phone as he reentered his bedroom, opening the sock drawer. _ I still have a few minutes before I have to go. I’m sure those two will be fine without me since Suigetsu is leaving soon. _“Just pack your own bag and you won’t have time to worry about mine!” 

“Worry?! Like I’ve cared about you a day in my life!”

“Then why do you always stick your nose into everything I do?!”

“‘Cause I like to annoy you!”

“Oh, but you _ hate _ when I annoy you back, right?!”

“Stop fucking fighting!” Sasuke yelled as he emerged from his room once more, toting his backpack over one shoulder.

“Shut up!” they chorused.

He growled, turning around and heading toward their room. He stood as menacingly as he could in the doorway. 

“I am _ not _ repairing another hole in the wall,” he warned.

“We’re not gonna break anything,” Suigetsu sighed, exasperated. 

“You willing to bet on it?” Sasuke, for once, was on the receiving end of an icy glare.

“Run along now, Sasuke, or you’ll be late for your _ date _ .” He spat the word so maliciously that Sasuke almost wished it _ were _ a date; at least then he’d feel justified in knocking Suigetsu’s lights out. 

“Talk to me like that again,” he challenged. “Go ahead. Try me.” Suigetsu maintained eye contact, but Sasuke could already tell he’d back down. _ Our last fight went very poorly for him. I doubt he wants a repeat… _ Suigetsu finally looked away, tsking irritably.

“You’re not even worth it. I got a flight to catch.” Satisfied, Sasuke turned to Karin now. 

“Alright, I’ll stop. I have my own flight to catch anyway,” she said, already relenting to Sasuke’s unspoken demand. She turned her attention back to Suigetsu. “Say, what time are you leaving?” _ Well this conversation is over. _He could still hear them talking as he walked to the front door and tugged on his boots.

“Like, two hours from now?”

“Can I hitch a ride?” Suigetsu sighed.

“Yeah, sure, whatever. Just promise you won’t start shit with me while I’m driving.”

“Only if you promise not to play shitty music.”

“I’ll let you control the radio for the whole ride if that’s what it takes to shut you up.” Sasuke wriggled into his coat and slung his scarf around his neck.

“See ya, morons!” he called as the door shut behind him.

The cross-town bus was much emptier than usual. _ All the schools are out, _ he reasoned, _ and everyone sticking around these parts is at home, preparing for tomorrow. Everyone with plans to travel is already on their way. All that’s left are people like me. No one to see, nothing to do… _ He rested his head against the window as the bus chugged along, heading toward the university, though Sasuke’s stop that day would be past it. _ Transience is the word for it. This feeling of impermanence. It’s… fitting, for this time of year, for me. The anniversary is coming up. I remember being moved during the winters, mostly, which was never fun. I remember the menace adopting me in winter. I remember my shoulder getting destroyed at the tail end of the season, too… _ He rubbed at it. It had started to ache again, which meant more snow was on the horizon. It still hurt a little from shoveling out Sakura and Ino’s house. _ The only good thing is that the feeling passes. The transience gives way to something more concrete once the air gets warm again. Life has more meaning the rest of the year. The winter is just… a cold interlude, with better things before it and better things to come after it… _

It occurred to him that perhaps he should be writing this down.He was a creative writing major for a reason, after all; random, ambling thoughts like that had sparked some of his best works. Writing was one of the few ways he could share himself. He could wrap up his thoughts and feelings in metaphor and genre-specific incidents, in characters that shared neither his name nor his face but certainly his heart. He jotted down a note in his phone. The app was filled with snippets of writing, half-baked ideas, uncontextualized prose. It was rare he actually used something from his notes, but he kept them anyway. Little word-gems only he knew about. It was comforting, in a way.

The bus passed the university. Its gates were closed. Not a soul wandered the campus grounds. _ It’s always so eerie to see it empty like that. As if no one has ever walked there at all… _ The bus passed the coffee shop he frequented with Ino, too, and the Chinese restaurant Karin liked to order delivery from even though their apartment was outside their range because the owner had a massive crush on her. _ I’ll miss this place someday, _ he thought suddenly. He blinked. _ Not sure where that came from. _ The Korean barbeque place Ino liked was also near here; he saw the edge of the sign in his peripheral vision as the bus passed. _ It’s true, though. I’ve built a lot of memories here. It’s the longest I’ve been in one place since my childhood home. And one day I’ll leave. Yes, there’s been a lot of good here, but also some of the hardest times were spent here. It’s no place for me to start a life. I'll need to see other things. I'll need somewhere new. But for now, it’s nice… _

At last the bus rolled up to his stop, and he got off, glancing at the street signs. _ I haven’t been this far in ages. The only thing I remember is… _ He looked to the corner behind him. _ Yep. Art supply store. And Ichiraku’s is… _ He turned around. _ This direction. _ He had hardly taken a step before a loud voice brought him to a halt.

“SASUKE!” He spun back around. Naruto was holding onto the door of the art supply store, a big grin on his face. _ What’s he doing in there? _ “I knew it was you! Come in!” 

Sasuke obeyed, but only to satisfy his own curiosity. _ I wonder what he’s up to. _ Naruto disappeared back inside as Sasuke crossed the street. His boots stomped loudly against the stairs, the very opposite of the soft tinkling bells that sounded as he opened the door. The shop was small and smelled of ink and paper. Dozens of pieces of artwork were taped to the wall behind the cash register, displaying a wide array of styles, skill levels, and materials. Some were clearly done by students, flowers and faces on lined paper ripped straight from their notebooks. Some were scribbled on napkins with ballpoint pens, others painted or charcoaled or drawn on canvas, on sketchpad paper, on cardboard, even. _ Certainly gives the place character. _A man appeared out of a back room to stand behind the counter. 

“My apologies, Naruto,” he said with a smile. “It looks like we won’t have those in until after the holidays.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it! I might have enough left to pull through til then,” he answered, leaning on the counter. He turned his head, and his face broke into a radiant smile. “Sasuke! C’mere!” 

“I’m coming, dobe.”

“Be nice, teme!” Sasuke raised a brow, and Naruto stuck out his tongue. “Two can play at your game!” 

The man behind the counter’s smile didn’t waver for a second, completely unchanging as Sasuke approached. Naruto clapped a hand against his shoulder.

“Sasuke, meet Sai. Sai, Sasuke.” Sasuke nodded, shrugging off Naruto’s hand. Sai just turned that smile to him, eyes slitted. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” A shiver ran down his spine. _ Another one with a garbage aura. _

“Mhm.” He only let half of his attention shift to Naruto. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, just getting some stuff together for a lil project. I thought it might be fun to try claymation!” Sasuke snorted, amused.

“Clumsy guy doing claymation. What could go wrong?”

“Hey, I’m not clumsy! I was just drunk!”

“Hn.” Naruto scowled, ignoring him with a little harrumph.

“Anyway, Sai, what do I owe you for all this junk,” he said, gesturing to the bagged items on the counter.

“More than you can afford.”

Sasuke’s jaw nearly dropped. _ Did he really just say that?! _His hands balled into fists, and he was about to open his mouth when Naruto blew a raspberry.

“Just put this through, will ya?” he said, practically flinging his credit card at him. Sai, still smiling, ran the card and gave Naruto his receipt.

“Is there anything I can help you with, Sasuke?” Sai asked. The politeness, the pleasantness, was so artificial Sasuke had to fight the rising urge to grab his collar from across the counter and shake him silly. Instead, he took a breath, composing himself, and gave Sai his most impassive expression.

“No, thanks.” He glanced at Naruto. “Ready?” He smiled, cramming his purchases into his backpack. 

“Hell yeah! Let’s go!” To Sasuke’s dismay, he turned to Sai. “You wanna come? We’re getting Ichiraku’s!” The man tilted his head.

“Sorry, I have to watch the store.” The smile finally slipped a little, edging toward concern, his eyebrows sloping downward. “But Naruto, who will pay for your date? You’re poor, and he’s a delinquent.”

Sasuke could _ feel _the vein in his forehead bulge.

“I-”

“He’s not a delinquent and this is _ not _ a date!” Naruto screeched. Sasuke clamped his mouth shut. _ It’s probably for the best that he handle this. I’ll just say something everyone will regret. _ “And I’m not _ poor_, I’m just broke! It’s different! Don’t mention it again or I’m gonna leave a flaming pile of dog crap on your porch!” Sai merely smiled.

“Ah, my apologies, Naruto. I must have misread the situation.” He turned, almost mechanically, toward Sasuke. “I thought you were too pretty to be a delinquent, but I wasn’t sure. Sorry about that.” Sasuke scowled, trying to hide his frazzled blush. _ Why do people keep calling me pretty?! _

“SAI!” Naruto cried, mortified. 

“What? I’m allowed to think he’s pretty.”

“But it doesn’t mean you should say it!” Sai shrugged.

“If you’re not going on a date, then can we?” he asked. Sasuke started. _ WHAT?! _

“SAI, WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“Language, Naruto. I wouldn’t want to kick you out of the store.” Naruto's jaw ticked.

“Ugh, you’re impossible! I’m outta here!” Sai ignored him entirely, still focused on Sasuke.

“I do hope to see you again sometime,” he said with a wink. Sasuke ground his teeth, but again, Naruto chimed in before he could say something nasty.

“I dunno why I bring _ anyone _ to see you. Thanks for the shit, but we gotta go,” he grumbled. He grabbed Sasuke’s wrist and led him out of the shop. Sai smiled and waved, completely unperturbed.

“Good luck with your project!”

The cold air stung as they got back outside, but Sasuke was glad for it. He had gotten so worked up he was sweating. _ Then again, I’m wearing three layers, two of which are jackets. Of course I’m sweating. _ He easily took his wrist back from Naruto’s grip, and it was only once they were a block or two away that Naruto began to rant.

“God, he’s such a fuckin’ jerk! Like, I get it, something’s _ obviously _ wrong with him, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to say shit like that to other people! I swear, he knows _ exactly _ what an asshole he’s being, but he gets away with it ‘cause he’s all fucked up in the head and everyone gives him the benefit of the doubt. Hell, I used to, too! But I’ve known that slimy motherfucker long enough to know that _ he _ knows how to talk to people and right from wrong and _ all _ that, but he just _ chooses _ not to be a normal fuckin’ person ‘cause I dunno, it entertains him? Or something?” He huffed as they stopped at a corner, waiting for the light on the crosswalk to change. “Anyway, sorry he was such a dick. Don’t ever call him a dick to his face, by the way, he’ll just make weird jokes about penises for the rest of the day.”

“... Noted.”

They crossed the street, and Ichiraku’s came into sight a few blocks down. Already, Naruto’s step was lighter, his usual joy beginning to manifest once more.

“Y’know, I shouldn’t have gone in there hangry. It’s just _ asking _ for trouble. I forget to eat breakfast all the time, so by this time of day I’m usually getting cranky. But it’s fine, I’m gonna eat a ton of ramen! You’re gonna love this place, Sasuke, you really are.” He nodded along, following Naruto and listening to his endless chatter. “I know you eat meat ‘cause you ate the sandwich I gave you the other night, but you really seem like the veggie type, y’know? So they have this vegetarian udon I think you’d really like, which I personally think is better than the veggie ramen but it’s really a matter of preference. I’ve tried everything on the menu, but I _ always _ get the chashu pork ramen bowl first, no matter what. It’s so good! Sakura always yells at me that I don’t eat healthy enough but what’s so unhealthy about it? It’s meat, egg, noodles, broth, and vegetables. Sounds like a good meal to me! It’s the cup ramen that’s a little unhealthy, but that’s only ‘cause there’s no vegetables in it. I really don’t see what the big deal is, like what’s so bad about grain and protein in water?”  
“Sodium.”  
“Huh?” 

Naruto spun around, walking backward to look at Sasuke while they talked. _ He better not slip on any ice… _  
“Salt,” he clarified. “There’s a lot of salt in ramen.”

“Well, yeah, but you need salt to live!”

“But too much is bad.”

“Yeah, but nobody _ really _ knows how much salt is too much.” Sasuke blinked. _ Is he… serious? He can’t be serious right now… _

“They kinda do.”

“Who does?”  
“Doctors, biologists, chemists probably?” Naruto flipped his wrist dismissively, turning back around to face forward again.

“Eh, whatever. It’s not like I don’t drink water. That balances it out, right?”

“I dunno, you’re the biologist here.”

“For, like, animals and plants, not people!” 

“Then listen to Sakura.”

“Nah. She may be a nurse but she ain’t _ my _nurse.” Naruto flashed him a mischievous grin. Sasuke snorted. 

“Idiot.”

Naruto brightened as he spotted the Ichiraku storefront across the street. 

“Ooh, we’re here!” He barely looked both ways as he bolted across the street to the other side. Sasuke spotted a car hurtling down the street. He felt panic rise, hot and fast, in his throat.

“Usuratonkachi! You’re gonna get killed!” He cried, on reflex. The car beeped for emphasis as they passed one another, a bit too close for comfort.

“Phbt, like a measly car could kill me!” Naruto yelled back from the sidewalk, pounding a fist to his chest. “I’m Naruto Uzumaki and I die on my own terms!” Sasuke sighed, already exhausted, and took his time checking for traffic before he crossed himself. _ This guy isn’t just weird, he’s _ _ crazy _ _ . Clearly he’s got some kind of death wish… _ Naruto gasped loudly as Sasuke came up behind him, hands stuffed in his pockets. The lights were off, and a sign on the door proclaimed the bad news in both English and Japanese, just so there wouldn’t be any chance of misunderstandings:

_ Closed for holiday season. Will reopen Saturday, January 2nd. _

_ Sorry for any inconvenience! _

_ -Ichiraku Management _

Naruto groaned, letting his forehead bop against the door.

“It’s _ closed _!” he cried. Sasuke allowed him a moment to grieve, but no longer.

“So what now?” he asked blandly. Naruto sighed, leaning away from the door to stand under his own power.

“Dunno. Wanna go someplace else?” His eyes flashed with a big grin, wiggling his eyebrows. “If we go to Senju’s, we’ll only be charged half-price.” Sasuke shrugged a little.

“Whatever you want.” Naruto sprung into action, grasping Sasuke’s wrist and tugging him toward the nearest bus stop.

“Alright, let’s go, then! I’m _ starving _ !” Sasuke allowed himself to be pulled around, staring at the back of Naruto’s blonde head, clashing terribly against his orange coat. _ Such a weird guy… _

He knew already the ride would be short, since nobody was around, and he was grateful for it as his hunger grew. _ Can’t believe I went all the way across town just to come back. I should have eaten something before I left. Pills aren’t breakfast… _Rather than take out his irritability on Naruto, he remained silent. They sat together near the back of the bus, and for a few moments Naruto tapped away on his phone while Sasuke stared out the window, not thinking of anything in particular.

“Oh, hey, I forgot to ask: how are you feeling?” Naruto piped up suddenly. Sasuke blinked. “The other night, y’know?”

“Oh, I’m fine. Thanks.”  
“Okay, good. I was worried about you.” Sasuke raised a brow. 

“Why?”

“‘Cause I never heard from you after that! And when I texted Sakura to make sure you were okay she said you’d gone home before she even woke up so she figured you were fine but none of us were sure.”

“You could have just texted me.”

“I did! You didn’t answer, you bastard!” Sasuke’s brow furrowed. _ He did? _

He opened his phone and tapped on the messages. Sure enough, Naruto had texted him the next afternoon. Sasuke wracked his brain for why he hadn’t answered. _ I mean, the brain fog was real that day, and Sunday afternoon was… _

“See! I did text you!”

“Yeah, I see that dobe,” he snapped, putting his phone away and rubbing at a headache that was starting to form in his temple. “I was out and forgot.”

“Out? After such a rough night?”

“Not _ out _ out. Just out.” Naruto gave him a quizzical, almost vulpine expression.

“I don’t get it.” Sasuke sighed, pushing his hair from his face.

“I didn’t go out to party or anything. Just dinner.”

“Oh, like on a date?”

“No!” Naruto jumped a little. _ Everyone thinking I’m going on dates, so _ _ stupid _ _ … _“I was visiting Kakashi.”

“_Oh _ okay, that makes more sense. Nobody in their right mind would go on a date with a grumpy bastard like you anyway,” Naruto teased, very gently nudging his shoulder. Sasuke glared. “Speaking of, you never answered my question. Why did you stop hanging out at the dojo? Did something happen between you and Kakashi?” He started, appalled at the suggestion.

“It’s not like that.” He found himself rubbing absently at his arm. “I got injured. I can’t do most of that stuff anymore.” Naruto frowned, his lip jutting forward just a bit.

“What happened?” Sasuke tensed. _ Making friends means you have to occasionally open up a little. And as weird and annoying as he is, I… want to be friends… So I have to say something… _

“The initial injury was during a match. I was put in a shoulder lock and tore my rotator cuff. I had surgery, it sucked, whatever. But, while I was recovering my adoptive _ father _,” he spat the word as if it were venom, “threw me down the stairs during a fight. Ruined it permanently, even after more surgery. Lost a martial arts scholarship and everything.” Naruto’s eyes widened, and he suddenly averted his gaze to his hands.

“Oh…” 

The silence that followed was heavy. Sasuke forced himself to breathe. _ It’s in the past. It’s over… _

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” His voice came out so soft, Sasuke almost didn’t catch it. Naruto was still staring at his hands, but his expression had turned sorrowful. “It’s really awful when people who are supposed to love and protect you hurt you like that, huh?” Sasuke nodded. Naruto nodded back. They did not meet each other’s eyes. “If it makes you feel any better, my godfather was a shitty parent, too,” he continued. “Not… not nearly as bad as what you went through, but not great. I left just three years after he adopted me to live with Iruka instead. He worked for the foster care organization I was a part of as a kid, and when I was adopted we kept in touch. He convinced Jiraiya we’d both be better off if he surrendered me, and Iruka adopted me instead. And he’s great, he really is. I’m so happy with him. But I wish none of us had to go through that to begin with, y’know?” 

Sasuke didn’t know what to say. _ He’s so… selfless. Sharing this with me when we barely know each other, just to try and make me feel better. I can’t imagine being so open, so vulnerable, without even trying… _Naruto finally looked up, their gazes level.

“Have things gotten better for you since then?” He blinked. _ I wasn’t… expecting that kind of question… _

“Yeah…” he answered, uneasily. To his surprise, Naruto didn’t press for more, folding his arms behind his head and propping his knees up against the seat in front of him.

“That’s good.” Sasuke nodded. Naruto glanced at him from the corner of his eye. “Y’know, I bet we have a lot more in common than either of us realize.” He shrugged.

“Maybe.”

“You’re a big fan of one-word answers, aren’t you?” Naruto smiled cheekily, and Sasuke bumped his elbow against his ribs. “Hey, that tickles!” he laughed. Sasuke raised a brow. _ Ticklish, huh? That’s good to know. _ “Don’t even _ think _ about it, teme! I’ll kick your ass if you tickle me again!” Sasuke merely shrugged, and Naruto jabbed him back. “Bastard. Oh hey, it’s snowing!”

Sasuke glanced out the window. Sure enough, a light snowfall had begun. He cocked his head to the side. _ I knew it would, since I’m aching, but it’s not _ _ supposed _ _ to be snowing today… _Naruto smiled, his joy almost infectious. 

“Y’know, I grew up someplace where it never snows,” he said. “The first time I saw snow, it was with my godfather. I’d been at his place a few months and was finally settling in. I got so excited I couldn’t help but try to run outside- without a coat, even! He made me bundle up first. I played in it for hours. I wouldn’t come inside, even when my teeth started chattering.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “He had to chase me around and catch me just to get me back in. He made hot chocolate, and it was the first time I’d ever had that, too. I remember staring at the snow as it fell that night while I was in bed and just thinking how beautiful it is.” His smile softened. “I still think it’s beautiful. No matter how often I see snow now, it still feels magical to me. It’s why I like winter so much.” Sasuke nodded, staring at the snow with him, and thinking deeply as the words settled in his head.

__

The snowfall had gotten heavier by the time the bus stopped a few blocks from Senju’s. Sasuke and Naruto trudged through it together, Naruto whining about his sneakers getting wet, Sasuke smug since he was wearing boots. The pizzeria was warm, and it smelled like fresh tomato sauce. Tenten was standing behind the counter, and rather than the warm smile he anticipated, she groaned at the sight of them.

“Naruto, it’s your day _ off _! Why are you here?”

“To bother you!” he replied brightly, sauntering up to the counter as if he owned the place and leaning his elbows on it. Tenten glared. “It’s actually because Ichiraku’s is closed, but I don’t mind bothering you, too.” Her eye twitched as she folded her arms over her chest.

“Not like you _ could _ bother me today. The place is fuckin’ dead.”

“Cheer up, Tenten! It’s snowing a lot, so you should be able to go home soon!” He leaned forward. “You could have a romantic snow day with Neji.”

Her face flushed, and her hand smacked the top of his head with surprising force.

“Knock it off!”

“OW!” She cocked her hip to the side, leaning on the edge of the display case while he rubbed his head.

“Seriously, though, your first day off in a month and you’re here again! You need to get a life.” His shoulders slumped.

“So _ mean _ !” he cried. “To think all I wanted was to see you and get some cheap food and now you’re _ abusing _ me!” She rolled her eyes.

“Oh, please! ‘Abuse’, you’re such a little baby.”

“I am a baby! I’m the youngest one working here right now!” He shifted his stance. “Anyway, I really am here for food. We got time to sit down?”

“Yeah, sure, I’m not doing anything and the old man hasn’t called it quits yet.” She glared toward the back as she said that, where the old man himself was talking to the chef. She turned and finally acknowledged Sasuke. She tilted her chin up in greeting. “‘Sup?” He shrugged, glancing at Naruto. She nodded understandingly. “Alright, dingus, whattya want?” she asked, tightening her apron around her waist and adjusting her red visor, emblazoned with the Senju’s logo. Her hair buns poked out from the open top. Naruto damn near salivated looking at all the options in the display cases.

“Hmm… well I’m definitely gonna take a pie home.”

“That goes without saying.” 

Sure enough, she was already scribbling the order and placing the ticket on the rack.

“I’ll take a chicken roll and… hmm…” His eyes narrowed with a sudden, intense focus. Sasuke rolled his eyes, tapping the bottle of lactaid pills in his pocket. _ I already know what I want. I could just order, but it’s kind of… amusing, to watch him pick. He looks so serious… _ “Chicken bacon ranch slice, and a taco slice!” he announced at last, eyes lighting up. Tenten smiled. _ Say what you will, but he sure is entertaining_. “Na, Sasuke,” he said, switching suddenly to Japanese. “Split some fries with me! They’re really really good.” Sasuke shrugged.

“Alright.”

“Tenten! Fries too, please! And a large Pepsi,” he said, oscillating back to English.

“Got it! Sasuke, whattya want?”

“Veggie slice and water.”

“What else?”

“That’s it.”

“That’s it?” she repeated, surprised, as she tossed Naruto’s slices in the oven.

“Yeah.” She shrugged.

“Suit yourself.”

She threw Sasuke’s slice in as well and disappeared into the back. Sasuke watched her place the ticket for the fries up on a rack through the little window in the door, talking to the chef and the owner. Her voice was muffled, so he couldn’t make out the words, but he could see her getting increasingly irritated.

“Sasuke, let’s sit! Tenten will let us know when it’s ready,” Naruto said suddenly, gesturing toward a nearby booth. He shrugged. _ Might as well if we’ll be staying a while… _

“Fine.”

They slid into it together. The seat sagged beneath Sasuke’s weight. _ This thing must be old as hell. Probably left over from when the restaurant first opened however many decades ago. I’m not a big guy, certainly not big enough to make that happen… _Naruto seemed unperturbed, happily bouncing in his seat despite its squeaking protests, watching the snow through the window at Sasuke’s back and waiting none too patiently for his food. 

“Hey, Sasuke! Do you play video games?” _ Endless conversation with this one. Always something to say, something he wants to know… _

“Not really.”

“Not even on your phone?”

“Nah.”

“Oh, come on! There’s gotta be something you like.” Sasuke sighed. _ I’m hungry and annoyed… _

“Fine. Animal Crossing.” Naruto snorted.

“Be serious!”

“Fuck you.”

“For real?” Sasuke didn’t answer, letting his burning cheeks answer for him. “Which one?”

“... Gamecube.” Naruto spluttered.

“Sasuke, for real?! Something more recent, c’mon!” He tapped his fingers on the table, pinching the inside of his lower lip between his teeth.

“Zoo Tycoon?” he answered at last. Naruto’s eyes narrowed.

“Which one?”  
“... DS.”

“Dude, that came out in, like, 2005! Are you seriously telling me that’s all you got?” 

Naruto shook his head, rubbing his face and waving his hands around.

“Okay, pause, hold up. Animal Crossing and Zoo Tycoon, both Nintendo. Tell me you at least play, like, Mario Kart or something?”

“No…”

“Why not?!” he cried, scandalized.

“If I wanted to race I’d go run one!”

“In that case why don’t you go open a fuckin’ zoo!”

“That’s not realistic! That’s why I play the fuckin’ game!”

“And giving some fruit to your neighbor isn’t?” _ Shit, he got me there- _

“S-shut up, idiot!”

“Make me, asshole!” Naruto cried as he stood, hands slamming against the table. Sasuke launched to stand, mimicking his posture, blood thumping. _ This little twit-! _

“Loser!” 

“Bastard!”

“HEY!”

They both turned abruptly to Tenten, livid behind the counter. 

“This is a restaurant, not a fuckin’ dojo! Quit fighting or I’ll kick you out and eat your food myself!” They exchanged one last glare before Naruto sat back down.

“Sorry, Tenten,” he apologized, his eyes still on Sasuke. _ We’re really gonna end up fighting someday… _ Sasuke lowered himself carefully. They found themselves in a heated staring contest, Naruto’s blazing sapphire against Sasuke’s smoldering onyx. _ I’ve never been so entertained and annoyed by one person in my life. Who the fuck are you? Why am I still choosing to interact with you? Normally I would have left, would have fumed the whole way home. Yet here I am, just fuckin’… staring… _ He searched Naruto’s face, took in the scars on his cheeks he never dared mention, the severe slant of angry blonde brows, the tiniest smattering of golden stubble on his chin, lips normally curved in a happy smile distorted into a frown, and of course, those eyes, creased at the corners with malice instead of joy. _ Come to think of it, why is _ _ he _ _ still here? Does he feel the same strange pull? Is he also wondering why we’re both still here? What is this… intensity? Do I like him or do I hate him? _

They disconnected only when Tenten slapped their trays down on the counter.

“Here ya go!” she said with mock cheer. “Do we promise to behave?”

“Yes!” Naruto replied, practically lunging for the chicken bacon ranch slice, all forgotten. Tenten rolled her eyes with a smile, about to say something when the door chimed. She brightened. “Tema, you’re back! I thought that old beater of yours would have stalled out by now.”

“Not yet, but damn close. _Fuck_, it’s cold as a fucking witch’s tit out there,” came a gruff voice. 

“It’s winter.”

“No shit it’s fuckin’ winter. I can’t _ wait _ to move back to the goddamn desert.” Her sandy blonde hair probably matched the desert she came from, pulled into messy pigtails low on her head so they wouldn’t interfere with her thick woolen hat. _ She looks kinda familiar. Are she and Naruto related or something…? _She tilted her chin toward Naruto. “Wassup, dipshit?” She cocked a brow as she leaned against the side of Sasuke’s booth. “Who’s the hot date?”

“I’m not-”

“He’s not my date, _ god_, Temari! You’re so embarrassing!” Naruto cried, pulling at his own hair. _ Oh, don’t do that- _ Temari laughed.

“Oh c’mon, bro, I’m only teasing,” she said, moving past Tenten to flick his nose and leaning against the back of his booth. _ Are they siblings, then, or does she just call him that? _

“OW!” 

“Baby.” She glanced back at Sasuke. “Anyway, that still doesn’t answer the question.”

“Sasuke,” he greeted coldly, attention unwavering.

“What a charmer,” she deadpanned, swatting lightly at Naruto’s head. “Why are you here, anyways? Today’s your first day off in like, ever. You could be hanging out with Gaara and Kank! They miss you, y’know.” _ Gaara. That’s why I recognize her. She and Kankurō are his older siblings. I remember now, though evidently she doesn't remember me. Probably for the best… _

“First of all, if they missed me that bad they’d come over and visit once in a while. Second of all, they _ definitely _ don’t miss me that much ‘cause Kank and I have been in a meme war for two weeks already and I play Halo with Gaara almost every night. And third of all, I’m _ literally _ seeing you all tomorrow, so why does it matter that I’m hanging out with someone else today?”

Temari snorted, flicking the top of Naruto’s head.

“So defensive, my dude. Take a chill pill.” 

“OW-UH!” Naruto cried exaggeratedly.

“_Such_ a fuckin’ baby,” she teased, winking at Sasuke. “As much as I’d like to hang around and get to know your new _ pal_, I gotta get these last deliveries out before my car fuckin’ dies. Want a ride home when I get back, Nart?”

“I gotta pick up Gaara’s present on the way home.”

“Video game?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, we can do that, it’s on the way. I’ll just sit in the car with the engine running. Bessie _ definitely _ won’t make it if I keep turning her off and on.”

“You gotta get a new car.”

“Convince my father to match what I’ve saved for one and that might just happen.”

“No way! Uncle Rasa is scary as hell.” _ Uncle, huh? Guess they’re cousins, then… _She laughed as she made her way behind the counter and gathered her deliveries. Tenten went around to help her.

“Now just imagine being his kid!” she said as they loaded pizzas into a large bag.

“Nuh-uh, don’t wanna! I’ll stick with Iruka.”

“Can’t say I blame ya, I’d stick with Iruka too if I had the choice!”

Hauling her deliveries with her, she managed to free one hand long enough to ruffle Naruto’s hair as she passed.

“See ya in half an hour, squirt.”

“Squirt?!” he squawked. “I’m not that little anymore, Temari!”

“You’ll always be little to meeee!” she sing-songed as the door chimed, announcing her exit. Naruto snorted, muttering something surely distasteful under his breath as he took a huge bite of his pizza. Sasuke popped some lactaid pills into his mouth and took the first bite of his own slice. _ It’s good. Might get it again… _

“Sorry about that,” Naruto said. “I bet that was really confusing. Rasa is Iruka’s cousin. Well, his cousin’s cousin? Something like that. Temari, Kankurō, and Gaara are all Rasa’s kids. Technically we’re not related at all, but we’ve gotten really close over the years so I call them cousins. Iruka doesn’t have any other family, so we hang out with them on holidays and stuff. I’m not sure when you met Gaara, but if it was back during youth tournament days then you know what I mean when I say we didn’t all get along at first.” Sasuke snorted. _ Didn’t along, I can only imagine how much of an understatement that is… _

“Let me guess: Gaara tried to kill you, Temari stopped him but bullied the shit outta you, and Kankurō said or did some freaky shit at random?”

“You even got the order right! How’d you know that?!” Sasuke shrugged, inspecting his fingernails detachedly.

“Gaara left a pretty strong impression. No match for me, though.”

“Wait, you _ fought _ him back then?”

“Yeah.”

“And _ won _?!”

“Yep.”

Naruto leaned back in his seat, chicken roll dripping marinara onto his plate.

“You really are good, then.”

“I was.” Naruto’s expression faultered, concern edging on sadness.

“I can stop bringing it up, if you want. I’m not trying to upset you here.”

“I’m not upset.”

“You look upset.”

“That’s just my face.”

“No, your resting face is just bored and bitchy. You look _ upset _.”

“I’m not upset,” Sasuke insisted, barely halfway through his single slice while Naruto had already devoured one of his and half the chicken roll. _ And Tenten’s coming out with fries in a second. This is a lot of food. How is he eating so much? _

“I’m not saying you are, I’m just saying you _ look _ upset so I thought you _ might _ be.”  
“I’m not fucking upset. Just drop it.” _ Starting to really fucking annoy me… _Naruto frowned.

“Hey, what makes you think you can talk to me that way? Like, for real, I’m wondering. Like, who gave you the right?”

“The fuck kinda question is that, dobe?”

“A good one, now answer!”

“Who gave you the right to always demand to know things, huh?” Sasuke shot back. “You don’t like when I talk to you like that, yet you’re constantly needling me and demanding information and what if I just don’t want to share? What does it matter why I talk the way I do? What it does matter what kind of games I like or what foods I eat or how I grew up? Fuck you. Shut up and eat and leave me the hell alone.”

Naruto’s whole face had gone crimson, even his ears. He looked like he might pop. The imagery almost made him laugh.

“It does matter! I wanna get to know you, you… you obstinate fuck!” Sasuke blinked.

“Do you even know what that word means, usuratonkachi?”

“Shut up!” _ That means no. _ “The point is it does matter! Knowing what you like and don’t like, what pisses you off and what doesn’t, that’s all part of getting to know someone! Maybe to you it’s meaningless smalltalk, but it’s not to me! It’s important! Also, like, your preferences matter! Your opinions matter! Sorry somebody taught you they don’t, but they do! So fuck you, I’ll ask as many questions as I damn well please!” _ Oh. _ _ Oh__. So being annoying and asking a ton of questions and offering up opinions, that’s… that’s him trying to be… friendly? _ “It’s not like I’m holding a gun to your head, either, y’know!” he continued, flailing his arms wildly. “You could just choose not to answer! Ignoring me and giving me one-word answers annoys the fuck outta me, but if you say something like ‘I don’t really wanna talk about it right now’ or ‘that’s not something I’m comfortable discussing’ or even ‘nah, let’s talk about something else’, I’ll stop asking! I’ll wait for you to initiate! It’s fine, I don’t care! I’m just trying to learn about you and you’re treating me like shit!”

The silence that followed made Sasuke’s organs feel as if they were shriveling up. _ I’m an asshole. _ _ Such _ _ an asshole… _

“I’m a hard person to get to know,” he said quietly. Naruto softened visibly.

“Yeah, you fuckin’ are. But that only makes me more determined to find out who you really are. I wanna know what’s underneath your douchebag exterior. I bet it’s a pretty decent person. I’ve seen it a couple times, I think. But I want more than little peeks. I wanna know: what is Sasuke Uchiha like?” _ I don’t understand. Most people would be scared away after our first encounter. Yet here he is, sticking around, being annoying and stupid about it but staying nonetheless. It’s so… strange… _“So here’s the deal: I wanna be friends, you seem like you wanna be friends, maybe. That means you gotta stop shutting me out. And I’ll try not to be so invasive. Sound good?”

Sasuke scanned his face for any hint of deception, the smallest glimpse of manipulation, but he found nothing. Just concern, kindness… _ hope _ , even. _ I don’t understand. But maybe… I don’t have to. He seems so genuine. He seems like he really means what he says. He hasn’t given me a reason to distrust him. He’s been nice, overall… _

“Fine. I’ll try.” He pointed his water bottle at him. His throat had gone dry. “But don’t fuckin’ push me, stupid.” His smile nearly cracked his face in half, sunbeams slanting out from between the little gaps in his teeth, those eyes crinkling the happy way Sasuke had already come to adore.

“I’ll do my best, bastard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter brought my total page count up to 69. to which i say... nice (つ▀¯▀)つ
> 
> really hope you guys liked it <3 it didn't get as fluffy as i'd originally thought it'd be, but that's okay! fluff will happen, eventually....
> 
> hoping to get chapter 6 up sometime in april but who knows tbh. everybody stay well and stay safe!
> 
> update: i've been kinda writing the next two chapters concurrently?? it's weird, but i'll hopefully have them both finished soon so i can post one at the beginning of may and the other at the end of may. thanks for your patience!!


	6. The No-Call Stop-By

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is early may and i've finally finished my undergrad thesis so i have more time to work on this now!! yay!! hope you guys enjoy this chapter! hoping to have the next one up by the end of the month

The door locked behind him. The sound echoed through the empty apartment. Dark and quiet, save for the soft blare of the TV, left on by mistake. Sasuke dropped his bag and unwound his scarf._ So much to do, but is it two weeks’ worth of things to do…?_ He watched his phone power down. _At least now no one will bother me..._ He placed all his winter-wear on the coathanger, wandering to the kitchen. Anxiety was already creeping through his chest, spreading like poison. He fastened an apron around his waist, removed a bucket and gloves from under the sink. From the pocket of the apron he produced a bandana. He re-folded it and tied it around his head, pushing back most of his hair. _No time like the present to get to work._

The first step was always playing music. Without it, he’d surely lose his mind.

He spent the first three days cleaning. He swept and scrubbed floors with DIY cleaners and covered rugs in baking soda. He flipped the tables upside down on dropcloths he’d hidden at the bottom of the linen closet to sand and refinish the legs, rightside up again to do the tops. He tightened screws and replaced lightbulbs, greased hinges and dusted corners. He worked his way from the kitchen to the hallway, to the bedroom to the bathroom, and lastly to the living room, like clockwork.

The fourth day was the last of the cleaning. He dumped anything that had gone bad in the fridge, freezer, and cabinets into the trash, and used the notepad stuck to the front of the fridge to keep track of what needed to be replaced. He scrubbed out the fridge, cleaned the insides of the cabinets. He reorganized the linen closet because his roommates clearly didn’t know what “folding” was. Lastly, he closed the door to Karin and Suigetsu’s room so he wouldn’t have to look at it anymore.

The next two days he cooked. Soup and tomato sauce made from scratch simmered on the stove while chicken and vegetables roasted in the oven below. He even sat down and made dumplings and onigiri by hand. He stored some of each dish in the fridge to eat over the next few days, but a majority of it all ended up frozen, separated into meal-sized portions.

At the end of each day he stood in the shower and washed away the grime he’d accumulated, and once he was clean he stopped the drain and laid in the tub, water just shy of scalding. It made his shoulder throb a little less, gave him a moment of peace to close his eyes. Anxiety thrummed a constant beat in the back of his head, but he was too tired to deal with it, too tired for it to take center stage. He wore his ratty old slippers because no one was around to make fun of them. He tossed himself into bed and opened his laptop. He wrote. Most of it was meaningless garbage: stupid articles for blogs he didn’t care about, paid by the word. Others were essays and research papers for D+ students hoping desperately to pass their classes, who had already been granted extensions and still had nothing to show for it. He set his own prices for those, and was usually merciful enough to charge by the page instead of the word. It wasn’t the most glamorous job in the world- the essays he could get expelled for if anyone broke the no-snitching policy- but he didn’t have to deal with people, didn’t have to aggravate his shoulder, didn’t have to worry about living expenses as much, and by the end of his work sessions had usually generated some ideas for his own, original work. That was what he ended up working late into the night on. He had collections of short stories and poems that he was constantly adding to or editing, but he had started writing a novel the year before. His first novel. During the schoolyear he had slacked, but now he had the time, space, and mental capacity to actually work on it. It was a welcome distraction from the darker thoughts lurking in his head, waiting to pounce.

December 29th rolled around before he knew it. His intention had been to spend the next day or two baking. It wasn’t his forte, so there would likely be multiple attempts at some of the dishes. He was busy glaring at a recipe for a tomato pine nut tart, his hands buried in the dough, when he thought he heard a knock at his front door. He quickly shut off his music and raised his head, listening intently. His heart had already begun to pound. _That definitely wasn’t the neighbor’s door. Nobody should be here right now. Sakura and Ino are busy, roommates are all away, none of us ordered any packages, January rent isn’t due yet…_ He turned back to the recipe on the table, starting to think he’d imagined the sound. _Maybe tomorrow I’ll go out and get some groceries, to replace everything I had to throw out. A little human contact might do me-_ This time, the knocking was loud and sharp, clear as day.

“Shit!” He wiped his hands on his apron and scrambled out of the kitchen. _I swear to God if it’s Mr. Shimura I’ll wring his neck. He was supposed to send somebody to do the maintenance repairs months ago, and I just got done doing them all myself._ He swung the door open. “What do you wa-?”

He stopped, mouth snapping shut.

“Hi, I- um…” It seemed they were both at a loss for words. Naruto laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. He was wearing his pizza hat still, holding a pizza box with a paper bag on top.

“What are you doing here?” Sasuke blurted out before he could even think about it. Naruto shrugged.

“Just wanted to stop by and chat. Can I come in?” Taken aback, Sasuke stepped aside. _What could he possibly want to talk about?_ His limbs felt like lead and he almost couldn’t control what his body was doing as a terrible feeling of dread filled him. _Autopilot,_ some part of his mind that hadn’t completely lost it yet whispered. _On autopilot_. Naruto entered, hesitantly removed his shoes, looking around.

“Kitchen’s this way. Please, put your things down,” Sasuke said, tone flat but polite as he took the box from Naruto. _Thank fuck hospitality was instilled in me early on or I’d be screwed right now…_ Naruto did as he was told, hanging up his coat and scarf and following Sasuke into the kitchen. Naruto lingered in the threshold. Sasuke’s skin crawled, itching everywhere, nerves jumping relentlessly. _What the fuck am I doing?! What the fuck is he doing?!_ He washed his hands, glancing at Naruto from the corner of his eye.

“Would you like a drink? I have water, of course, coffee, tea-”

“Oh, I actually brought something-”

“Oh, sorry-”

“No, no, it’s fine!”

They both gave a weird, awkward chuckle. _This is horrible. I’m so uncomfortable. Why is he here?_ _Why would he just show up without calling when he knows I’m a private person? Or just in general? Who pulls a no-call stop-by?_ From the paper bag, Naruto produced two to-go cups.

“You like tea, right?” he asked, offering one of the cups to him.

“Yes. Thank you.”

“No problem! I made sure it was unsweetened for you.”

“Thanks…” Sasuke took a sip. It was still warm despite Naruto’s bike ride there in the blistering cold.

“I… I brought this for you, too,” he said, opening the pizza box to reveal a fresh veggie pie. He… well, he didn’t so much _smile_ as he showed his teeth uncomfortably, like a dog would smile. “You seemed to really like it last time, and I got it half-off ‘cause I work there, so I figured I’d bring it by. I hope you don’t mind…” He trailed off dumbly, scratching the back of his head and glancing at the abandoned dough. Sasuke wasn’t sure whether Naruto was still flushed from the cold, or blushing fiercely. _At least I’m not the only one feeling like this is strange…_

“Of course not. Thank you.” Hesitation. “Will you eat with me?” Naruto seemed almost relieved that he’d asked, his shoulders lowering as tension left them.

“Yes, I’d love that! Let me just wash up…” He wandered to the sink and washed his hands as Sasuke reached into the cabinet above him for some plates. He set them on the table and searched through the fridge.

“Do you like spicy things?” he asked.

“Yes!” Naruto cried, lighting up across the room as he dried his hands. “Whatcha got, whatcha got?” Sasuke showed him the sriracha bottle, and he squeeled with delight. “Hell yeah! I haven’t had hot sauce on pizza in a while, and sriracha is definitely the best one, especially for a veggie pie!”

Sasuke nodded his agreement, placing it on the table between their plates and flitting briefly into the hallway to grab the lactaid bottle from his jacket pocket. Naruto didn’t even notice he’d left, having picked up the plates and started serving slices onto them. _This seems off. We’ve only hung out twice. He’s stupid, but not socially inept. He knows it’s weird to drop by unannounced like this, even if he does bring an offering of food. What’s he thinking? It’s so… I just can’t read him. I don’t know what he’s doing or why he’s here. Do I even ask? Is that even-?_

“I bet you’re wondering why I came by, huh?” Naruto piped up as they took seats across from one another. Sasuke stiffened._ But he can sure read me, can’t he?_

“Yes.” He took the pills with a sip of black tea- unsweetened, just as Naruto had promised- before reaching for his slice. _Come to think of it… I don’t think I’ve eaten today. Spending days surrounded by food I’ve made with my own hands, yet still forgetting to eat. So typical of me, isn’t it? I feel it happening. I feel… the shroud of darkness…_

“Well,” he began, placing his own cup down. “I’ve been texting you since we met up the other day. I didn’t get a response, even after the holidays had passed, and I started getting worried, so I called Sakura.”

Sasuke’s skin prickled, and his jaw clenched so hard he thought he might break his teeth. He forced it to relax, _breath in, breath out_, closing his eyes just a moment to regain control over himself, over the flare of panic and anger and betrayal that flashed through him like a lightning strike. At least long enough to swallow the bite of food he’d taken while Naruto spoke. _I know exactly where this is going, but not what I’m going to do about it. I’m gonna snap. It’s only a matter of time. Will it be now, or later? For fuck’s sake, I don’t need this…!_

“So let me guess,” Sasuke said, his voice controlled by the tightest of grips on his emotions. “She told you I don’t celebrate, and I don’t leave the house during winter break.”

“... Yes,” Naruto answered warily, swallowing a bite.

“And?”

“And… she said she doesn’t know what you do while you’re holed up in here, but you always come back looking skinny and tired and sometimes kinda sick. So I… just thought I’d bring some food over.” Sasuke scanned Naruto’s face for any sign of deceit, any sign that he knew more than he was letting on. _He’s hiding something. He’s sweating…_ “That’s all she said?”

“Well, she, uh…” He scratched the back of his neck, eyes flitting nervously away and back, licking his lips. _He’s gearing up to lie to me. That sneaky little son of a bit-_ Naruto sighed, all pretense dissolving as he deflated. “She told me not to bother you,” he admitted. “I feel bad interrupting you while you were busy. But I wanted to invite you over for New Year’s. It’s a thing Iruka and I do every year. We invite as many friends and relatives as we can so we can start the New Year surrounded by people we care about and having a good time. And y’know, Sakura said you’re always alone this time of year, and I consider us friends, so… I wanted to invite you,” he finished lamely, blushing and scratching his head. Relief lessened the tension in his chest, but not all the way. _Then she didn’t tell him. Good. She’s one of the few who hasn’t betrayed me. It’d be a shame to cut ties after so long…_ “So… will you come?”

Sasuke dared to glance up. Naruto’s eyes were shining, pleading, and just like that night in front of Ino’s house, Sasuke felt something melt and destabilize inside him. Was it one of his walls? And when it fell, would the bricks just pile up nicely, or would they split his head open on their way down? _Fuck me. I can’t say no outright to that look. Guess I gotta figure a more creative way out of this…_

“Where would it be?” Naruto brightened a little.

“Iruka’s. He’s on the border between Venstead and Minnesack so it’s weird, but it’s less than a half hour driving usually.” Sasuke couldn’t help the snorting noise he made as he picked his slice back up and took a bite. “What?” Naruto demanded.

“He lives ten miles away and you dormed?”

“I don’t have a car!” Naruto cried defensively. _Good. Distraction._

“So you decided to drop ten grand on a dorm instead of buying one?”

“Okay, _fine_, it wasn’t _just_ that. I wanted the experience of going away to school without really going away, okay? If I hadn’t lived in the dorms I never would have met Kiba, I’d never have my sweet fuckin’ apartment, and I never would have made half the friends I did! I don’t regret my choices for a second!” He folded his arms over his chest, pouting. “Like I need to justify myself to you, anyway.”

Sasuke smirked, easing as the conversation turned less serious, as Naruto turned angry instead of concerned, impassioned rather than gentle. He liked it better that way, he decided. Naruto’s softness, Naruto’s thoughtfulness and concern… it was too much, he didn’t know how to handle it, and he wasn’t sure he liked it at all.

“Anyway, asshole, are you gonna come or not? We got room for another person in the car so you won’t have to worry about transportation. There’s gonna be plenty of food, and we’re usually up all night but we can set you up if you need a place to sleep. And you can go whenever you want, I’m not gonna hold ya hostage or anything. There’s usually a few DD’s floatin’ around.” Sasuke chewed on his inner lip, heart racing. _I don’t know if I can do that. The anniversary is so close. I’m already so high-strung. I haven’t celebrated a New Year in ages. And there’s gonna be so many people…_

Sasuke was startled by Naruto’s hand closing gently over his on the table. Naruto smiled at Sasuke’s wide-eyed expression. _I can’t handle this right now. It’s too hot in here. I can’t do it, I’m so anxious, I can’t-_

“It’s okay if the answer’s no,” Naruto assured him. “And I won’t pressure you into telling me why, either. Take a day to think on it, let me know by like… ten on the morning of New Year’s Eve, okay?”

Sasuke nodded, and, satisfied, Naruto released his hand and sat back down. He pretended, poorly, that he wasn’t completely short-circuiting. _What am I doing? Just say no! Just say no, get yourself out of it like you always do! Fuck, fuck, FUCK! Why can’t I say no to this stupid bastard? Why do I… why do I want him to like me so bad? Why am I willing to push myself- possibly past my limits- just to spend a stupid fucking holiday with him? Subjecting myself to one of Sakura and Ino’s parties is one thing, but this… this is different. I barely know him. I might not know anyone there. And I’m so messed up right now, this isn’t a good idea. I shouldn’t…_ “Oh, shit, is it that late already? I’m sorry, Sasuke, I gotta get going. But for real, lemme know okay? And also…” He swallowed a little. “I may not know you that well yet, but I really like you. I think of you as my friend. And I hate the fact that you’re alone. So promise me that if you need anything, you’ll call me, okay? My phone’s always on me, I don’t care what time it is, I’ll answer.”

Sasuke felt his jaw drop as Naruto hurriedly left the room. _He knows something. How the fuck does he know? He said Sakura didn’t tell him anything. Was he lying after all? I’ll kill him, I’ll kill him dead, I swear to god-_

“Wait!” Sasuke called out, adrenaline pumping hard through his veins, making him finally get out of his seat and sprint to the hallway. Naruto had his coat and scarf on already, tugging on one boot, pausing mid-motion to stare at Sasuke in a vague sense of alarm. Suddenly, Sasuke felt very foolish, and very small, and he wondered why the fuck he’d done what he just did. _Too late now. Just say it…_ “Why… what made you say that?” Naruto’s brow furrowed and head cocked to the side as he briefly struggled with his other boot.

“Whattya mean?”

“You know what I mean.” Naruto’s lip caught between his teeth as he stood, and Sasuke could see it in his eyes he was carefully considering what he’d say next.

“I know what it’s like to be alone. I spent a lot of holidays in foster care with people who hated me, or out running the streets, or at some facility in between homes. I hate that anyone has to know what it feels like to be alone. I don’t want anyone to feel that way, ever. So… if I can make you not alone anymore, why wouldn’t I?” Sasuke’s pulse started to drop back down to something resembling normal. _Sincerity_. It was the only thing Sasuke could read in his face, and it was perhaps the only thing keeping him from losing his cool entirely.

“Did she tell you anything? About… why I’m alone?” His voice came out barely a whisper, but intense all the same. Naruto shook his head.

“I swear she didn’t. And as much as I wanna ask, I’m trying really hard not to because I know now that part of earning your trust is letting you open up on your own terms. Right?” Sasuke nodded. Naruto nodded back. “Yeah. So… if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here. In the meantime, I’m gonna do everything I can to make sure you’re alone because you want to be, not because you have to be. Or feel like you have to be.” He bumped a fist to his chest. “I’m tough. You can tell me anything. Guarantee I’ve heard something like it before. So you don’t have to be afraid of scaring me away. Okay?”

Sasuke nodded, dumbly, unsure how else to respond. He was still processing what was happening when Naruto flashed him that brilliant smile once more.

“Cool. See ya later, then! And make sure you freeze the pizza if you’re not gonna eat it right away, it goes bad kinda fast!”

With that, the door slammed shut, and suddenly the way it echoed in his apartment was unnerving instead of calming.


	7. Prying Open the Clam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw: alcohol, drugs, death, blood, mental health issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol so THAT was a lie. sorry it took me literally over a month longer than i thought to get this done. i started working full time at my previously part time job, my fiancé and i are gearing up to move into a new place, and im still fighting with my college to get some money back and my transcripts and diploma sent （ー△ー；）
> 
> anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter! please heed content warnings

Naruto came by to pick him up at 6pm on New Year’s Eve. Sasuke hadn’t given him an answer until the very last minute. He hadn’t slept since he saw Naruto last, agonizing over the decision to go or not instead of dwelling on the things he was _ actually _ anxious about. In a way, it was a welcome distraction, but in another way, it made things much worse and entirely too complicated. He knew he couldn’t be a functional person for this event- he had spent the last several days jumping at shadows in the corners of his eyes, triple-checking the locks on his doors and windows, staring at walls and ceilings while his mind raced. But he felt he owed Naruto his physical presence, at the very least. He hoped that there would be enough people around to keep Naruto entertained that he wouldn’t notice Sasuke was so out of it, but at the same time worried there’d be too many people for him to deal with, that simply existing near that many people for that long would be overwhelming. More than anything, the stabbing guilt he’d feel if he said no to Naruto was what motivated him to finally, at 9:45am on New Year’s Eve, give Naruto an affirmative. Naruto’s sheer volume of happy emoticons told him he was excited, and that gave Sasuke the incentive to pack an overnight bag, take a shower, and get dressed. He had laid on the couch the rest of the day, his phone on his chest, waiting for it to ring when his ride got there. He might have fallen asleep for a few minutes, because when it finally did ring he jolted awake and fell straight to the floor.

“Motherfucker!” he hissed, picking up himself and the phone. “Hello?”

“I’m here, bastard!” came Naruto’s cheerful voice. He rolled his eyes.

“I’ll be right down.”

The air outside was crisp and icy, the kind of cold where if you breathed too deep it stabbed at your lungs. Large icicles hung from rooftops and gutters in the neighborhood. A bright red Jeep Wrangler was waiting on the street. The back passenger’s side window rolled down, and Naruto popped out, waving enthusiastically. 

“Sasuke! Get in!” He rolled his eyes again, carefully picking his way around patches of ice and gripping the car door so he wouldn’t slip on a particularly insidious strip right next to the car. Naruto scooted over to the other side as Sasuke hopped in, immediately stowing the duffle on the floor beneath his feet and buckling himself in. 

“Wassup, bitch?” Kiba said, glancing back toward him as he released the parking brake. Sasuke scowled at him.

“Hey, be nice!” Naruto shouted, kicking at the back of Kiba’s seat.

“Hey, don’t fuck up my car!”

“Please stop,” Hinata said from in front of Sasuke. “Can’t we all just get along?”

“Aw c’mon, Hina, you know we’re not _ actually _ fighting.”

Naruto turned to Sasuke, blessedly removing him from the couple’s conversation in the front.

“Na, Sasuke, you look tired,” he said, in Japanese. Sasuke raised a brow. _ Oh. He wants this to be a private conversation, then. _ “Are you okay?” Sasuke shrugged, and Naruto frowned. “Do you want to talk about it?” He just shrugged again.  
“It’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before. This time of year is just… hard.” Naruto nodded.

“I get it. Holidays can be really tough.” Sasuke nodded back. _ Do I make a conversation out of this? Do I talk with him? Is he ready for me to open up? Am I ready to open up? _ “Listen, I know it’s taking a lot for you to come hang out right now. I really appreciate it.” Sasuke nodded, unsure of what to say. “If at any point you can’t take it, just let me know. Someone will be able to drive you home.” He nodded again. He was already feeling tired. Kiba flicked on the radio, blaring hip-hop. Sasuke grimaced, shrinking into the corner of his seat. Naruto pouted, switching to English. “Kiba, the fuck man? You tryna make our ears bleed or somethin’?”

“Oops, sorry.” He lowered the volume down to a bearable level “I forgot I upgraded the speakers back there. Baby, could you-?”

“Mmhm.” 

Hinata started adjusting various settings, somehow increasing the sound toward the front of the car and lowering it in the back. _ He must have done a lot of custom work to this car. Is he a mechanic or something? No, that’s stupid. Mechanics don’t have to go to college, what would he be in school for if he’s a mechanic? _

“Kiba, this shit’s why your hearing’s fucked,” Naruto pointed out.  
“What?”

“I said, ‘this is why your hearing’s fucked’.”

“What?!”

“I SAID- wait a second… oh, you FUCKER!” 

Kiba howled with laughter as Naruto pummeled the back of his seat.

“Jeez, Nardo, what’s your damage today? Showing off for your boyfriend?” 

“KIBA!” Naruto hit the back of the seat one last time, extra hard. “Why the fuck would you say that?!”

“Ow, quit it!” Kiba cried, reaching back and trying to swat at him. Hinata swatted at Kiba in return.

“The road!”

“Jesus, you people are nightmares!”

Sasuke closed his eyes. Regret. That was the thing he was feeling. _ At least I’m feeling _ _ something _ _ . That’s… an improvement…? I guess…? _He spent the whole rest of the ride ignoring everyone. Kiba and Naruto eventually settled into a jaunty banter, with Hinata interjecting here and there but mostly remaining quiet. He could tell she was fiddling with something in her hands, but couldn’t see what, and in all honesty didn’t really care. When it became clear Naruto was occupied with Kiba and fighting over the radio, Sasuke discreetly slipped a pair of earbuds in and listened to his own music, allowing his mind to wander to the sound of classical piano.

He hadn’t fallen asleep, but certainly had zoned out hard enough that he lost track of time. He had a moment of confusion as they rolled to a stop on an unfamiliar street. _ Shit, we’re here already? _Naruto practically bounced in his seat, unbuckling and hopping out the door before the car had even fully stopped.

“Naruto, be careful!” Hinata called, but he had already slammed the door shut and bounded toward the house. Kiba rolled his eyes with a smile.

“He’s fine, Hina. Let’s just get inside, okay?” He leaned over and gave her a kiss, softly, on her cheek, but she flinched away.

“Kiba!”

“What?” He glanced back at Sasuke. “Oh. Well, whatever.”_ Is he really pretending he forgot I was here? What is he trying to do, assert dominance via PDA? What a stupid fuckin’ goon… _

Sasuke slammed the door unnecessarily hard on his way out, trudging up the driveway and straight into the house. He was immediately assaulted by a cacophony of noises. So many voices, the clinking of glasses, the metallic taps of silverware on plates, the drumbeats of footsteps everywhere. Sasuke already felt overwhelmed, and he hadn’t yet seen another person’s face. He shrank into the corner, shrugging out of his coat and pulling off his boots. _ This is a mistake. I shouldn’t have come. But it’s too late now… _

He watched Naruto jump into the arms of another man, a taller guy with mousy brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. He looked barely in his 30’s, with a long scar that ran from the top of his left cheek, across his nose, and over the top of his right cheek. _ Ah, so that’s his guardian. The man who adopted him. I expected someone older… _His squinty-eyed smile was nearly as bright as Naruto’s. 

“Iruka, I’m home!”

“You sure are!” Sasuke felt a pang in his chest, and he violently shoved down the emotions that rose like floodwaters in his throat. _ You’re not here to sulk. Be happy for him and get over it. _ Iruka and Naruto parted, and the man turned now to Kiba and Hinata, who had hurried to shed their coats and shoes to greet him. “Kiba, Hinata, it’s been a while! I’m so happy to see you!” he said, giving them both big hugs. _ Even Hinata is comfortable with him. That’s a first… _ “And you must be Sasuke, right?” he asked, turning to him. Sasuke nodded, taking the hand Iruka offered. His grip was shockingly firm. “Welcome to our home! Please make yourself comfortable. There are plenty of drinks and an abundance of food!” He nodded as Naruto shoved Iruka toward the kitchen.  
“Alright, I’ll take it from here, old man!” Naruto swung back around with a smile. “C’mon, Sasuke, lemme show you the house!” 

He followed Naruto from room to room. The adults were gathered in the kitchen, talking and drinking. The children were in the living room, watching TV and playing games, toys scattered all over the carpet. They passed a bathroom beneath the staircase on their way to the back door, which led to a small porch and patio. Up the stairs was Iruka’s bedroom and connected bathroom. Another bathroom was sandwiched between the guest room and Naruto’s room, which he opened last. Sasuke blinked. _ Oh my god, it’s all orange. _ Naruto’s smile was egregiously wide. _ It should be a crime to be this happy to show off a room so goddamn hideous. _

“This is my room! Iruka let me paint it whatever color I wanted, so I chose orange! It’s my favorite! C’mere, look, this is my frog collection!” 

Sasuke followed him toward a set of bookshelves, eyes saucer-wide, trying to take in… whatever the fuck he was looking at. A giant clown doll sat in one corner and he swore its eyes were following him. There was a poster for Maruchan ramen on the wall facing his bed. His bed itself was shaped like a racecar, like a toddler bed, but adult sized. A calendar still left on the August page hung near the window, a bikini-clad woman with… unnatural proportions winking at him. _ This whole room is a nightmare to look at… _ The bookcase was in the furthest corner of the room- Sasuke angled himself so he could still see the untrustworthy clown in the opposite corner, unwilling to fully put his back to it- and sure enough, it was full of frogs. Figurines, plushies, books, hats, a miniature umbrella… all frogs. _ If this is how his room looks here, do I even _ _ want _ _ to know what his apartment is like…? _Naruto picked up a frog coin purse that had to be nearly as old as he was.

“This one’s my favorite! I call it Gama-chan. I used to use it as my wallet for years and years and years, but I put a hole in it and left it here for Iruka to repair. He seems happier sitting on the shelf, so I let him retire,” Naruto explained. He continued babbling about the frogs for some time, and while Sasuke wanted desperately to pay attention, he was noticing now how _ hot _ it was in this room, starting to sweat. His fingers tingled, his vision swam, and his face was blazing. _ Am I passing out…? _“Hey, you okay?”

“It’s really hot…” 

“Oh, yeah, my bad! I keep my room like a sauna. I got used to it from when I kept frogs as pets growing up, and I’m always cold anyway. Let’s go get you some water, okay?”

Sasuke managed to follow him back down the stairs without busting his ass- certainly the accomplishment of the night- and he leaned against the kitchen counter as Naruto grabbed him a glass and filled it. Sasuke did not fail to notice the little frogs on the cup, but drank without comment. 

“Naruto, why don’t you introduce your new friend to everyone,” Iruka called from his seat at the kitchen table. Several sets of eyes turned their way, and Sasuke wished with all his might he could be literally anywhere else.

“Okay! Sasuke, this is Kurenai, Genma, Izumo, Kotetsu-”

Sasuke blinked, losing track of the names already. He gave a blanket wave hello when Naruto mentioned his name again, and the adults all smiled and waved back, uttering various generic greetings. None of them actually seemed too thrilled about his presence, but Naruto turned happily back to him, either oblivious or indifferent to their opinions.

“Have you eaten anything? We have pizza downstairs, and you can meet everyone else on the way!” Before he could give a proper answer, Naruto was tugging him toward the living room where the kids were playing and watching TV. “Hey! This is Sasuke!” Naruto said. 

“Hey!” the kids chorused.

“Sasuke, this is Konohamaru, Mirai-” Again, Sasuke just saw a swarm of faces he wouldn’t remember. He hadn’t even finished his water yet. Next thing he knew, Naruto was dragging him down the basement stairs. He recognized most of the faces there, at least, but there was a trio of people he didn’t fully recognize at first. “Sasuke, Sasuke, you haven’t seen Gaara in forever! Gaara, do you remember Sasuke?” The redhead turned a set of cold blue-green eyes on him, and he remembered clearly who he was, even though he’d changed a lot in the last several years.

“Sasuke Uchiha. It _ has _ been a while. I heard you’re not fighting anymore. A shame what happened.” His brow ticked. “If you need somebody to take care of-”

“Not necessary. Thanks,” Sasuke interrupted, bristling, hoping he wouldn’t say the name. _ I don’t need this right now. _

“Ehehehe, some things just don’t really change, huh?” Naruto said, but his words barely reached him, still locked in tense eye contact with Gaara. It was only broken when Naruto pulled him bodily to face someone else. “And this is Kankurō, I’m sure you’ve met him before, too.”

“It’s okay if you don’t remember me. Most people don’t,” he deadpanned, shaking Sasuke’s hand. Sasuke squinted. _ The guy’s sorta familiar, but… _ He snapped his fingers.

“Facepaint.”

“Huh?” Naruto and Kankurō said, in stereo.

“You used to wear facepaint. I didn’t recognize you without it.” Kankurō blinked, then grin widely. 

“Well, shit! You _ do _ remember me! That’s a fuckin’ first!” The man laughed. “Yeah, I switched to makeup instead. Works way better for me, wouldn’t you agree?”

In all honesty, Sasuke hadn’t noticed until he pointed it out. Now that he was paying attention, he realized Kankurō was, in fact, wearing makeup. _ Man, he’s so precise. His eyeliner is flawless… _He nodded.

“It suits you,” he agreed. Kankurō smiled even wider.

“Thank you! I even gave my dickwad brother eyebrows!”

“Shut up, Stank!” came Gaara’s voice from behind them. Kankurō blew a raspberry at him.

“When do you graduate from cosmetology school, Kank?” Naruto asked.

“This spring! I’m so excited!” 

“Wow, already?! That’s wild! I bet that’s gonna open the doors to a lot of…”

Sasuke’s attention waned when he noticed the food table. His stomach didn’t growl; instead, he felt a stabbing pain. _ How long has it been since I last ate? Have I not been eating? _

“Hey, I’m gonna-”

“Yeah go for it!” Naruto said before Sasuke could even finish his sentence. He didn’t care. His sole focus became getting _ something _ to eat. The pizza was tempting, but when he realized he’d forgotten his lactaid pills he picked up a sandwich and pulled off the cheese instead. He settled himself on the stairs, partially in the dark, to devour it in peace. He felt like an animal, ravenous and wild-eyed, and it took conscious effort to chew properly so he wouldn’t choke. He was just glad for the dark staircase to conceal him. _ Sakura would worry and smother me, and Ino would yell at me for not taking care of myself, and Naruto would probably be disappointed, and I just… don’t need that right now. I don’t need pity or getting screamed at, and I certainly don’t need coddling. I just wanna exist in a functional way. And… I suppose it’d be nice if someone understood… _

Sasuke crept back down to grab more food and a can of seltzer, satiated enough that he could be among the general population again. He didn’t actively participate in anything, just drifted from one part of the room to the next, silent as a shadow. When it came right down to it, there was no point in him being there at all, he soon realized. What he _should_ have done was just go back home. Either walk to a bus stop or have someone drive him. But he didn’t. No matter where he went or which direction he looked, he kept finding Naruto, like a beacon of light reaching out to his dark-drenched corners. He smiled a little every time Naruto’s laugh rang out, and when their gazes met Naruto’s eyes squinted nearly shut with how happy he was. _I owe it to Naruto to at least be present, even if only physically. He went to all the trouble of checking on me, bringing me food, and picking me up to be here. Even if I don’t… well, __can’t__… enjoy it, I can at least be here. So, as long as everyone keeps leaving me alone, I guess it’ll be fine… _

He followed Naruto upstairs. The children stayed away from him, clearly fearful, shuffling closer to one another. That stung a little, but he understood. He was wearing all black, his eyes were tired, his mouth in a perpetual frown. He wasn’t exactly the most welcoming presence in the house, and with so many to choose from, it only made sense he’d be last on the list. He couldn’t have cared less about the curious glances and dirty looks shot his way by the adults. He’d just deepen his scowl and they’d look away like the cowards they were. _ Good _ , he thought. _ I don’t really want to be with anyone right now. _ Naruto, though, was his polar opposite. He was checking in on the kids in the living room, taking a break from the party downstairs to play with LEGOs and give movie recommendations. They were enamored with him, clamoring for his attention, and he found a way to give each of them a moment of his time and make them feel special. _ He may be an idiot, but… he’s a good person. Maybe I should take him to Kakashi’s and let the dogs sniff him out. Kids and pets are always able to tell… _ He blinked. _ Wait. I actually want to bring him around to Kakashi’s with me? I’ve never brought anyone to Kakashi’s before. What the fuck is _ _ that _ _ about? I- _

He started at a tug on his sleeve. He looked down into a pair of big, dark amber eyes. A little girl, preschool age, was holding onto his sweatshirt.

“Who are you?” she asked.

“Sasuke. Who are you?” The question was genuine; even if they’d met earlier that day, he wouldn’t have remembered.

“Mirai.” He stooped down to her level. 

“That’s a very pretty name.” She smiled brightly.

“Thank you! It means ‘future’ in Japanese!” 

“Do you speak Japanese?” he asked. She nodded.

“Mommy’s teaching me!” She pointed into the kitchen, where a tall woman in a maroon dress was leaning against the counter with a drink in her hand, smiling and talking with Iruka._ Oh good, I remember the host’s name and face. That’s a good sign _. “That’s my mommy,” she said. He nodded. 

“She seems very nice.” 

“Are you a daddy?” she asked. He couldn’t help but laugh. 

“No, no. I’m not a daddy.” She cocked her head to the side.

“Then are you here with your mommy and daddy?” He shook his head.

“No, I…” He swallowed. “I don’t have a mommy and daddy.” She nodded.

“I don’t have a daddy, either. He died. Did your mommy and daddy die, too?”

To say he wasn’t prepared for an encounter like this was.... well, an understatement, to say the least. He nodded, carefully watching the child’s reactions.

“Yeah. They died a long time ago.” Mirai nodded back. For a moment they shared a strange silence. Then Mirai gasped, and Sasuke, embarrassingly enough, jumped a little. The girl did not notice or care.

“I know! Maybe my mommy can be your mommy, too!”

“Huh?”

“Come on, Sasuke! Come with me, come with me!” she said, taking his hand and tugging far harder than he’d anticipated. He got up and let her lead him along, trying to dissuade her the whole time.

“Mirai, this is very sweet, but I don’t think it works that way. You can keep your mom to yourself. I’m fine, really, I don’t need-”

His protests were lost to the child, who marched him straight into the kitchen. He wanted desperately to run away as many heads- _ including Naruto’s, why did he have to choose _ _ now _ _ to go rummaging through the fridge, goddamn it! _\- turned toward the scene between him and Mirai.

“Mommy, this is Sasuke. He’s my brother now,” she announced with all the unbridled confidence one would expect from someone who probably just learned how to put their jacket on by themselves. The woman- _ fuck, what is her name?! _\- raised an amused brow before stooping down and scooping her child up into her arms.

“Oh, really? Does Sasuke know that?” He didn’t so much smile as bare his teeth sheepishly- _ am I already picking up expressions from Naruto? _\- hoping she would rescue him from this strange situation.

“Yes, I told him.” The woman nodded.

“I see. But did you _ ask _ him?” Mirai blinked, and clearly that meant “no”, and the woman, bless her, she chuckled fondly. “We’ve been over this, Mirai. You can’t force people to be a part of our family. At the very least, you have to ask. And you have to be okay with it if they say no. Got it?” She nodded. The woman turned to Sasuke now.

“Do you want to be her brother?” she asked, then mouthed the words “say no” with a wink. He dipped his head graciously.

“No thank you, miss.” She winked again, shifting the girl in her arms.

“Sorry, honey. No brother today. Let’s talk about adopting one when Mommy’s ready, okay?” 

Mirai nodded as if this made all the sense in the world, and reached out her arm toward him. He came closer, and she squeezed his cheek cheerily.

“That’s okay. I still like you, Sasuke.” He smiled, ruffling her hair and making her giggle.

“I like you, too.”

“Hey!” Naruto draped an arm over Sasuke’s shoulders, holding a drink in his other hand. His breath reeked of booze. _ He’s drunk… _“You tryna steal my friend, kid?” he teased. Mirai giggled.

“No!”  
“Are you sure? It seems like you might be.” The child laughed again.

“No way! Anyone who hangs out with you is _ stinky _!” Naruto gasped as if affronted, and Sasuke himself felt his jaw drop.

“I thought you liked me!” Sasuke cried. She stuck out her tongue, and Sasuke grabbed his chest as if pained. Mirai laughed and laughed, and Naruto laughed with her, and Sasuke would be lying if he said he didn’t chuckle just a little bit, even as another pang hit his chest beneath his palm. _ This is what I miss. This is what I wish I could get back. I wish… I could be a brother again… _

“I’m Kurenai, by the way,” the woman said, snapping him back to reality. “You seemed a bit overwhelmed when I met you earlier.” He shrugged a little, pretending he wasn’t embarrassed even as a blush crept into his face.

“I’ve met a lot of people today.”

“Eh, but you’re starting to get into the swing of things!” Naruto praised, leaning against him. Beneath the pungent scent of whiskey was something warm and spicy. Cologne, maybe? It was nice, and Sasuke didn’t try to shrug him off, mostly because he might lose his balance and go tumbling to the floor without Sasuke to support him. _ Besides, I’m here for him, not for me. If he wants to be all over me, then I guess I should let him... _“Na, Sasuke, let’s go back downstairs. Sakura just texted me saying they were just about to start a surprise beer pong tournament!” Sasuke tried to suppress his anxiety, but the frown on his face was uncontrollable.

“I’m not sure-”  
“Oh, come on! You’re the only one aside from Shino who’s still sober and Hinata already stole him for the other team! Lee’s gonna play ref ‘cause he gets too intense. So you gotta play!” Naruto tugged at Sasuke’s arm, and he gave in, waving good-bye to a laughing Kurenai. Mira waved back. 

The basement was hot and musty where earlier it had still been a bit cool. Everyone had abandoned their sweaters and jackets on a beat-up armchair. A ping pong table that definitely wasn’t there before took up the middle of the room, with all the young adults grouped behind the two sides already. 

“Look who’s finally joinin’ the party!” Naruto hollered, holding up his drink. To Sasuke’s surprise, the whole group cheered. Sakura pounded his back with surprising force as he joined their side, almost knocking the wind out of him. She was ridiculously drunk, red-faced and sweaty in just a black sports bra, her flannel tied around her hips. 

“Fuck yeah, we’re gonna crush ‘em now!” She glared at Ino across the table. Ino had tied her hair up into a tight bun and tied the bottom of her own flannel into a crop top. 

“Yeah, right! Shino can do geometry and shit, he’s gonna kick your asses!”

“You couldn’t win if your life depended on it, Ino-pig!” 

Sasuke couldn’t help but roll his eyes as they fought from either side of the table. _ This is why they can’t be hammered together. When just one’s plastered it’s all lovey-dovey, more sober one takes care of super drunk one, but when _ _ both _ _ are destroyed like this… they just try to destroy each other. _

“Naruto’s House Rules!” Lee announced, the most enthusiastic (and sober) referee Sasuke had ever seen. “Pick a partner on the other side of the table: that person is your competition for the night. You can play solo or two to a side. Each turn consists of two shots. House Team gets first shot, then Opposition. House Team gets second shot, then Opposition takes their shot. If a ball is sunk, the cup must be removed from the table _ immediately _, or else the other team gets an extra shot, called a free throw. If a ball is sunk on a free throw, the entire opposing team must do a round of tequila shots! Got it?” Everyone cheered. “Yes! LET’S GO!”

“Alright, bitches, partner up! I got Kiba!” Naruto shouted. They pointed at each other for emphasis, clearly having worked this out beforehand.

“I’m gonna end you, Forehead Girl!” Ino screamed, pointing at Sakura. 

“Gaara!” Kankurō called, pointing to the redhead. Sasuke blinked. _ Isn’t he still a high schooler? He’s a bit young to be hanging out with us, isn’t- _

“Oh, so you’ve chosen death?” he replied, pointing back at his older brother. _ Right, he’s insane. Age doesn’t matter when you’re batshit… _

“Shikamaru, rematch?” Temari said from behind him, pointing.

“You’re on!” 

Neji and Hinata didn’t point so much as make sustained eye contact from across the table, the incredibly tense opposite of Tenten and Chōji, who laughed as they pointed at one another. _ I always forget how friendly they’ve gotten toward each other over the years. Guess that’s what happens when you’re the only two with high enough alcohol tolerances to go drink for drink with each other… _

“Alright! Team leaders, let’s go!” Lee called. Naruto and Kiba squared off on either side of the table, each smirking arrogantly. 

“I’m gonna kick your ass so hard your grandkids’ll feel it!” Kiba taunted, sticking out his tongue.

“And I’m gonna kick yours so hard your _ dog _’ll feel it!” Naruto returned. Sasuke rolled his eyes again. _ I bet these two are constantly yelling across their apartment at each other. How do they live like that? I’d kill them both, I swear… _

“Oh yeah? Well, _ I’m _ gonna make you wish you were never born!”

“I’m gonna fuck your mom!”

“I’m gonna fuck yours!”  
“My mom’s dead, idiot!”  
“Like that’ll stop me!”  
“Guys, PLEASE, just throw the ball!” Tenten begged, disturbed and honestly looking like she might cry. 

They each missed spectacularly, on _ both _ of their shots. 

Sasuke and Shino went next. Sasuke easily sank the ball into the furthest cup, just to show off. Shino raised a brow from behind his sunglasses as he handed the cup off to a far-too-eager Kiba to drink, and sank the same cup on Sasuke’s end of the table in return. Sasuke took his next shot while downing his drink, cringing as the taste hit him. The ball hit the rim of a cup and went flying.

“What the FUCK is that?!” he cried, coughing. Naruto leaned over to investigate.

“Ooh, it’s Party Limeade! It’s frozen limeade with mint and sugar and tequila!”

“I thought this was beer pong?!”

“No, it’s Suprise Beer Pong! Some of the cups are beer, but some of them aren’t, and you never know what you’re gonna get!” A ping pong ball pegged him square in the temple. “Shino!” He shrugged, clearly not sorry at all and clearly not upset for wasting his throw to embarrass Naruto. Sasuke sneered, shoving the cup into Naruto’s hand.

“Well it’s way too sweet, you drink it!”

“With pleasure, dickwad!” And he did, all in one big gulp. He screwed his eyes shut in pain. “Ah, brain freeze!” Sasuke snorted, but the slightest smile played on his lips. _ Idiot. _

Sakura and Ino went next, so worked up from their arguing that they both threw way too hard and missed. Temari and Shikamaru, meanwhile, took their sweet time calculating angles before shooting their shots. Both sank. They met each other in the middle and linked arms to down their drinks together in what Sasuke could only guess was a strange ritual of some sort. Temari’s cup was apple juice and Fireball, which she nearly snorted out her nose because she hadn’t expected it, and Shikamaru laughed, having had the good fortune to get an actual cup of beer. They both sank their second shots, too, and met in the middle again to drink with arms interlinked. This time Shikamaru was the one to get a surprise, clearly Party Limeade given the way he clutched his head, leaving Temari laughing this time. Since they’d tied the game and all the cups were gone, Lee put out just one cup on either side of the table.

“We’ll play one cup death match until someone sinks it! One throw each, GO!”

Temari and Shikamaru were too busy laughing to throw properly and missed. Gaara and Kankurō went next. Neither of them sank anything, too preoccupied with sibling rivalry. Hinata and Neji were even worse; they were so engulfed in their extra-creepy eye contact they completely missed the table, let alone the cups. Their seriousness actually dampened the mood a bit for everyone. _ I dunno what happened between them in the past, but I’ve never seen cousins who were… _ _ this _ _ intense before… _Thankfully, Tenten and Chōji were able to rejuvenate the cheery atmosphere as they played. Tenten sank it and secured Round One for Opposition, but Chōji was a good sport and came over to congratulate her while Lee set up new cups. 

The competition looped back to Naruto versus Kiba. 

“Alright, back to normal rules! Two alternating throws each! Let’s go!” 

“I’m through trash talking. It’s time for you to see what I’m really made of!” Naruto cried. He turned his back and nonchalantly tossed a ball. Missed, of course. 

“Phhbt, so lame!” Kiba called. He mirrored Naruto’s moves exactly, even profoundly missing the same way. 

“Tch, see! You’re not any better than me!” Naruto wound up and pitched it like a softball player. It hit a cup, shockingly, but didn’t sink. 

“Ha! You throw like a girl!”

“Say it again and I’ll kick your ass!” Kiba pitched it like a baseball. He somehow got it wedged between two cups, not sinking either of them. Sakura picked it out and set the cups back into position while Naruto blew raspberries at him. “Who throws like a girl now, douchebag!” 

“Don’t make me come over there, Nart!”

“I fuckin’ dare you to!”

“ENOUGH!” Neji snapped, shoving Naruto aside and allowing Sasuke to slip into place for his turn. They began to argue behind him, and Sasuke tried to shut it out. Neji’s form in his periphery was nothing more than a dark shape with long hair. _ He’s almost the same height and build as- _ He shook his head. _ No no no no no. Not here, not now. Just hold out long enough to finish this stupid game. Please, I’m begging- _

“You good, kid?” Temari asked, clapping a hand over his shoulder. He stiffened, shrugging her off. 

“Just fine.”

He missed both his shots. Shino sank both of his. Sasuke didn’t even care that Fireball and apple juice tastes like ass, or that he managed to get another stupid Party Limeade, so sweet it made his jaw hurt. He didn’t even realize he’d withdrawn to the back of the group, leaning against a pillar and watching everyone and everything like a hawk. Before he had been tethered to everything around him by the desire to please Naruto and by the thrill of competition. But now, that cord had been cut, and it was only the energy of everyone concentrated in one area that kept him vaguely orbiting nearby. He didn’t want to play anymore. He didn’t want anything. He would have been content if he could merge into the cement at his back and cease to exist altogether. He stopped paying attention to the game, only tracking the movements of everyone else to ensure they stayed where he could see them, that no one else entered or exited, that nothing was amiss. Sakura coaxed him to the front when his turn came around again, two cups left on his side of the table and one cup left on Shino’s. He sank it and walked away, letting the next team start Round Three, not even able to care about the victory. Everyone’s excited voices were just a dull roar in his ears. He went back to leaning against the pillar, no longer even tracking, just staring into nothing. 

Round Three ended soon enough. Or maybe it lasted a long time, he wasn’t sure. Surprise Beer Pong disbanded once the Home Team took their second victory, with promises of a rematch next time. Lee and Neji started a game of ping pong as the others dispersed, turning up music and dancing, drinking. Shikamaru, Chōji, Kankurō, Temari, Hinata, and Kiba opened the one window in the basement and smoked under it. Shikamaru and Hinata shared a pack of cigarettes while the others passed around a blunt. Temari even broke out cigars. Ino and Sakura disappeared into the bathroom together, probably to raw each other if their reconciliatory post-beer pong makeout was anything to go by. The rest turned on the TV and took turns playing video games. It felt as if the whole world were moving on without him. He was just stuck in place, an observer trapped in his own time. He tried desperately to keep the dark thoughts out of his head, to keep unwanted memories from resurfacing. _ I don’t want to think about it. I don’t. I didn’t even want to enjoy this party, I just wanted to get through it, and this is _ _ not _ _ getting through it… _

He flinched when everyone started screaming at once. He had completely missed the countdown to the New Year. Ino and Sakura had at some point returned from the bathroom. They kissed passionately against a wall. Temari and Shikamaru shared a half-hidden kiss on the stairs, where they’d been talking in the dark for a bit. Kiba turned, searching. Sasuke flinched again when a figure with long, dark hair entered his peripheral vision. Hinata this time, who had tied her hair in a low ponytail to keep it away from her face, just like her cousin’s, now on her way into Kiba’s arms. They shared a kiss. _ He kept his hair in the same style. Neji and Hinata remind me of him. I hate it. I don’t want to remember. I remember so well- _

“You don’t have someone to kiss either, huh?”

He actually felt his heart leap into his throat. Kankurō had managed to sneak up on him while he was lost in thought. _ I’m not feeling great. _

“Nope,” he answered distractedly. 

“You ever been kissed?” he asked. _ Who the fuck even are you? One of Naruto’s random cousins? Just go away, _ his mind spat viciously. He tried to remain impassive, offering a simple “nope” again. _ I have to calm down. People are allowed to talk to me. This is getting ridiculous. _“Me either.” Sasuke nodded awkwardly. _ What the hell am I supposed to do with this? Someone, please save me... _

“Would you want to-?”

“Nope.”

“Alright.”

He watched the other man disappear into the throng of others. 

“Harsh.” _ Oh for the love of god- _

“I’m allowed to be uninterested.” Gaara shrugged.

“It’s to be expected. My brother is… not smooth.” Sasuke nodded a cautious agreement. “How do you know Naruto?” His gaze cut to Gaara. He had always been small, making him seem younger than he was, but he had the grizzled expression of a war veteran. The look in his eyes, in particular, was something Sasuke recognized but couldn’t quite articulate. It was the same look his eyes often had. _ Such a strange little man… _

“He delivers my pizzas.”

“That’s all?”

“That’s all.”

Gaara nodded.

“You know if you hurt him I’ll have to kill you, right?”

“You give all his new friends this pep talk?”

“Only the ones he gets attached to too quickly.” _ What does that mean? _ His expression was inscrutable. Sasuke decided to bluff his way through it, snorting.

“Whatever.”

“Enjoy the rest of the evening. And maybe let the next one down easy. My brother will bounce back, but not everyone does from that kind of rejection.”

With that, Gaara left, and Sasuke found himself alone again. _ There’s something majorly wrong with that kid. If his brother didn’t want to be rejected, then he shouldn’t have approached me. And what was all that stuff with Naruto about? Is he really getting attached to me “too quickly”? What does that even mean? I assumed he was always like this. He seems to like making friends, he has lots of them… _

Eventually he stopped thinking about it, going back to watching everyone. Most had returned to what they’d been doing before the New Year countdown. Temari returned to say goodbye to everyone, saying her brothers and dad were pestering her to go. Sasuke didn’t miss how she slipped a note into Shikamaru’s hand as she shook it, winking and making him blush. Chōji immediately wrapped an arm around his shoulders as soon as she turned her back. Sasuke didn’t know what he said, but whatever it was made Shikamaru blush even redder, and he swatted at him. The big guy just laughed it off. Sakura and Ino had broken off their lovefest and were sitting on the floor together, watching the others play video games. Lee became the cheerleader for the gamers. Stoner’s corner regrouped, minus Temari, passing another blunt around. After a while Ino got up and joined them, but not before placing a pillow under Sakura, shifting her onto her side, and throwing a blanket over her. She’d clearly fallen asleep on Ino’s shoulder, and anyone who knew Sakura was familiar with the phrase “let sleeping Sakuras lie”. _ I’m glad she found someone who loves and takes care of her. I… never could have been that person for her. I might not be able to be that person for anyone. I’m too messed up… _

After an hour or two the video games were turned off and the TV set to a random channel. More than a few lights were dimmed or shut entirely. People were starting to pass out or doze off. Sasuke felt himself succumbing to his exhaustion, legs burning from standing in one place for so long, but he couldn’t get himself to move somewhere else. Anxiety had paralyzed him, plaguing him even as his body and mind screamed for rest. _ Everyone is just chilling out. I don’t have to be so vigilant. Why can’t I stop? _Long hair in his periphery. He jumped away from it, fear uprooting him. Neji gave him a dirty look.

“What’s your problem?”

“I don’t have a problem.” His pale eyes searched Sasuke with a level of scrutiny that made his skin crawl.

“Ask Shikamaru for a smoke and calm down,” he said at last, a hand on his hip. Sasuke frowned.  
“I don’t smoke.”  
“Maybe you should start.”

His heart continued to race as Neji walked away, settling himself between Tenten and Lee. The few who were still awake had taken to sitting on the floor and talking amongst themselves. Sasuke seethed with jealousy. _ I hate this. I’m gonna be the only one awake an hour from now and even once everyone’s asleep I’m gonna be too paranoid to relax. I’ve spent the last few days thinking I’m seeing him out of the corners of my eyes and this is just fucking me up. I should be happy I’m not just seeing things, that it’s actual people that aren’t him, but it’s just making me feel even worse. I can’t stand it, I can’t handle it, I should go back home, I should just go home and- _

“Hey, are you okay?”

Sasuke backed up against the pillar way harder than he’d intended to, caught completely off guard. Naruto was studying him, shockingly non-judgmental about it.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine.” He squinted, clearly unconvinced. 

“Are you lying, Sasuke? I thought you weren’t a liar.” _ Even drunk, he’s able to see right through me. _Sasuke sighed. 

“I’m just a little… tense.” Naruto pursed his lips, leaning against the pillar with Sasuke, thinking, it seemed. _ Like this guy ever _ _ really _ _ thinks… _

“I wanna show you something. Come with me.” 

Sasuke knew better, at this point, than to fight Naruto, so he just followed him up the basement stairs, behind the living room where the kids had mostly fallen asleep watching movies, up the next set of stairs, and into his bedroom. Naruto made a beeline straight for his window, climbing onto the sill and holding it open for Sasuke. 

“Make sure you close that.” He nodded, taking the window from Naruto and watching him test the weight of a piece of lattice nearby, heedless of the frozen vines. He began to scale it, disappearing onto the roof above. Sasuke followed hesitantly, joining Naruto on the roof. He was tucked against the chimney, gesturing for Sasuke to sit on the other side. It was warm, almost warm enough to not need a jacket. “I used to come up here all the time when I was younger,” he said. Sasuke couldn’t see him from around the bricks. “Sometimes Iruka would come up to talk to me. He always sat where you’re sitting now.” Sasuke nodded, even though he couldn’t see. “I dunno, there’s something about having a barrier between you that makes it so much easier to talk, yknow? I guess that’s why Catholics like their confessional booths so much.”

“Are you Catholic?” Sasuke asked. 

“No, I’ve just watched Daredevil.”

“... oh.” Sasuke didn’t know what that was or what it meant, but he let it go.

“Anyway… this was always where I went when I was feeling angsty. Some of the hardest conversations I’ve ever had were up here.”

A silence stretched between them. Sasuke stared up at the sky. The moon was bright, not quite full yet, and the clouds seemed to go out of their way to avoid it. It was a still night, cold and quiet, the kind of night Sasuke liked to go for walks in when he was younger.

“Are you looking at the moon, too?” Naruto asked.

“Yeah.”

“I stare at the sky a lot, too. I think space is so beautiful. Isn’t it amazing that the stars we’re seeing are millions of lightyears away? Looking at them is the closest thing we have to timetravel. If I didn’t get so overwhelmed by it all, I think I would have studied astronomy instead.” Sasuke simply nodded. _ I’ve never thought about it that way before. He’s right, though. It is like timetraveling… _“I thought… maybe it’d help you clear your head to be up here for a while.”

“Yeah…”

He felt less overwhelmed now. The air was cold but the bricks near him were warm. He had Naruto’s company, but not the pressure of his expressions, his potential judgment. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been weird lately,” he blurted out. 

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not, really. I....” _ I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’m initiating this conversation with him. I’m having a talk that I’ve avoided for years and years with anyone else. I’ve been like a clam, holding in sea water and sand and waiting for so long for the right time to open. So many have tried to pry me open before, but he’s… different. He knew how to wait for me to be ready. But will he find a pearl inside? Will he find something he actually wants to see? Will he find anything of value in me? Or am I just an empty shell? Will I go back to waiting for the right person, the right time? Will I go back to being closed off and stuck at the bottom of my own misery? _ “I’ve been having a really hard time. Holidays are… rough for me.” _ You’re prying open the clam, Naruto. Are you ready for what you’ll find? _ “This is the first time I’ve even _ tried _ to celebrate them in ten years.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“You couldn’t have. I don’t… usually talk about it.”

“You don’t have to now.”

“No, I… I want to. I-If… if you’re ready to listen.”

“I’m always ready, Sasuke.”

A chill breeze cut through his sweatshirt, and he curled up into a little ball, chin resting on his knees. _ It’s now or never… _

“The anniversary of my parents’ death is on the 4th.” Naruto didn’t respond. Sasuke felt a jab of anxiety, but he took a breath and steeled himself, pushing onward. “They were murdered.” Sasuke shut his eyes, waiting for the gasp, the stream of apologies, the attempts to coddle. But they never came. He slowly opened his eyes.

“... I’m sorry.” It was all Naruto said. Sasuke swallowed.

“It’s a gruesome story,” he warned.

“I’m tough,” Naruto reassured.

“It’s made people leave before.”

The silence that followed scared Sasuke more than anything. Fear made his hands go cold and his face go hot and his whole body tense and he felt as if his heart might fall apart at any moment. Naruto’s voice was the only thing that mattered then. It would either save or condemn him, and he hated that he had already placed so much value in this decision that wasn’t even his, that he had left what very little of his trust remained in the hands of a stranger. _ I never learn my lesson. I never, never learn…. _

“Well, those people were wrong.” His heart stopped altogether. _ Not falling apart. Not falling apart at all… _“They should have stuck around and supported you. It’s people with the messiest lives who need the most help putting them back together again, y’know?”

Sasuke nodded again.

“Yeah…” 

“Take your time. Whenever you’re ready.” Another unseen nod. Another silence. _ Maybe getting this off your chest will make you feel better. Maybe this time you won’t be abandoned. Please, Naruto, I’m leaving everything to you. I don’t… I don’t know if I can take anymore… _

“I came home from afterschool karate classes just as I always did. I was only eight.” He scrunched his eyes shut. “I opened the door and I walked in, and I… I knew immediately something was wrong. I don’t know how or why, I just… knew. Normally I’d announce I was home, but that time I stayed silent. I went to the kitchen, I peeked in. Dinner was made, the table was set, and the radio was on, but Mom and Dad weren’t there. Nor was my brother. I crept in and stole a knife out of the drawer I wasn’t supposed to touch, just in case. I just… I _ knew _ something was wrong, but I didn’t know _ what _… And I-I heard… voices…”

He clenched his jaw, forced a breath in and out. A flashbulb memory. He could see the sunlight coming through the glass part of the front door, the geometric shapes refracted on the floor, the way the shadows at the edges of the walls hugged the hallway, seeming more sinister than ever before. Never had he felt so unsafe in his own house, so vulnerable, so _ alone _. Alone against the frightening unknown, for the first time in his young life, the first taste of so many years… 

“Take your time,” Naruto soothed again. Two more breaths. In and out. In and out. _ Get it together. _

“I followed them to the living room. My parents were kneeling on the rug. My brother stood over them. He had this… huge knife. A machete, maybe, I dunno.” He shook his head, pulled his legs even closer to his chest. “It just all happened so fast. Before I knew it the blade was swinging down, and there was blood...” He could see it. The rivulets of deep red against mahogany floors, the way it seeped into the ivory wool like wine beneath their bodies, the metallic tang against the back of his throat as he screamed… 

He lunged at him. It didn’t matter that he was small, didn’t matter that he was years behind in combat experience. Nothing mattered except the fact that _ he killed our parents! _ His older brother, the one he’d loved and admired and always looked up to, who up until then had always taken care of him and doted on him, who had done well in school and obeyed their parents and done everything right. _ He killed our parents! _

Itachi’s hand was a vice on Sasuke’s wrist. One small twist and it would be broken. They both knew that. Sasuke thrashed viciously, tried desperately to get just one stab at him. _ You have to pay for what you did! Murderer! _ He headbutted Itachi. He let go. Sasuke dove for the knife, swung around and lunged again. Intent to kill. The long blade, already slick with their parents’ blood, sank easily into Sasuke’s arm as Itachi lashed out indiscriminately. He cried out. Itachi grabbed Sasuke’s knife, flung it across the room, pushed Sasuke away in the opposite direction. Pain and adrenaline had blurred the edges of his vision black. Itachi grinned, lowering his weapon. He could feel blood seeping from between his fingers as he clutched the wound. _ It hurts. It hurts so bad…! _

“Brother, please! I don’t understand! Why did you do this?!” Tears streamed down his face, hot and unbidden. His heart pounded out of control. _ I might die right here, right now. That’s how it feels. He may as well… kill me, too… _

“Because I resented them and all they stood for. They were spineless and dull and I always hated them for it.” His vision flickered. All he could focus on were Itachi’s eyes. They were no different than the eyes of their parents: cold and lifeless. _ He’s so… scary… _ “And you. You’re weak. You’re not even worth killing.” He stepped closer. Sasuke stepped back. He felt his shoulders touch the wall. “Become what our parents could never be. Become strong. Live for something. Even if it’s only to hate me.” _ What does he mean? I don’t… understand… _ He was feeling dizzy. The wall was the only thing holding him up. “Run, Sasuke. Run and cling to your pitiful life. When you have the same eyes as me… then, you will face me…” _ Brother… I don’t… understand… _

The same scene anew. Watching his own small hand open the front door. That same sense of impending doom. Same view of the empty kitchen. Same image of that same blade in that same hand hacking at the same bodies. The same exchange. Over and over and over. It wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t make it stop. _ Please, someone, help me! _

A voice broke through.

“Sasuke, come back. It’s okay.” _ Please, help me. Where are you? _ “You’re safe, I’m here. It’s okay.” _ Who are you? How do I know it’s safe? _ “Come back, Sasuke. Come back. It’s okay. You’re with me and you’re safe.” _ Safe… I haven’t been safe in so long... _“You’re home, Sasuke. You’re safe. Please, come back.”

He was still crushed into a tiny little ball, arms around his legs. Tears streaked down his face, hidden against his own thighs. Another pair of arms had wrapped completely around him, enveloping him in warmth and the scent of faded cologne; a cheek pressed to the top of his head, breath in his hair, gentle fingers against his bicep.

“You’re okay, Sasuke. I’m here,” Naruto hushed, rubbing his arm. “It’s okay now.” 

“Nnn…” He tried to speak, but his jaw was stuck in place and he felt woozy, disoriented. _ I don’t… where am I…? _

“I’m so sorry that happened to you, Sasuke,” Naruto whispered, his embrace tightening. “I’m sorry you’ve had to go through so much. I’m sorry you’ve been alone. I promise… I promise you won’t be alone anymore…” Sasuke shook his head, forehead rubbing uncomfortably against his knees, choking back a sob bubbling up between his locked jaw. “Take your time. I know it’s hard. I’m not going anywhere. I promise, Sasuke, I’ll stay.” 

_ “I’ll stay.” _ Fresh tears, hot with emotion, not just from his eyes but from Naruto’s too, seeping into his hair. _ No one’s ever said that to me. No one’s ever shared my pain like this. No one’s ever been so trustworthy. No one’s ever been so gentle… _

“You need to breathe, Sasuke. Stop holding your breath like that.” _ I’m not trying to… I didn’t know… _Sure enough, though, he could feel the shallow, ragged breaths as he tried to hold back those free-flowing tears, as he fought for control without conscious intent. He forced himself to suck in a breath, a deep one, even though it stuttered, and released it again. He sobbed, accidentally held his breath again trying to reign it in.

Naruto shifted around, holding Sasuke with his ear pressed to his chest, his embrace never breaking, only adjusting. 

“Just listen to my heartbeat, okay?” Naruto instructed softly. “You’ll feel better soon. I promise. The worst of it is over.” He nodded, clinging desperately to Naruto’s shirt, as if afraid he’d disappear. _ I’m just so used to being abandoned or ignored. I’m not used to “stay”. I’m not used to “I’m here”. I’m not… I don’t… _He buried his face in Naruto’s shirt, suddenly ashamed but unable to pull away.

“I’m sorry,” he found himself saying. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”

“Stop,” Naruto said, disrupting the mantra. “Stop, please. You have nothing to be sorry for. You’re hurting and you need someone. I’m here. Just let me be here, okay? Don’t apologize. Please don’t…” Sasuke nodded, focusing on making their breaths match and the steady beat of Naruto’s heart. He was warm and soft and smelled good and Sasuke felt… safe. _ How strange it is to feel safe… _ Naruto shifted again as Sasuke’s grip on the back of his shirt relaxed, but neither were quite ready to let go yet. Sasuke was tired. Immeasurably tired. A bone-deep exhaustion that pulled at his eyes and made his head feel like it was full of smoke. _ Emotions are so much work… _ “Thank you for telling me, Sasuke. I know how hard that must have been. I hope it made you feel a little better, at least.” He nodded, finally releasing his embrace but not cutting contact entirely, still leaning against Naruto’s side, looking out at the neighborhood instead of his face. Naruto slipped an arm around both of Sasuke’s shoulders. “I never knew my parents, so I can’t imagine what it must feel like to lose them. Let alone like that. And I’ve never had a brother either, so I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be… _ betrayed _ like that. But…. I’ve been through a lot, and I’ve been through most of it alone. I know what that’s like. And I… I think you should be really proud of yourself.” _ What? _

Sasuke finally turned to look at Naruto. He was looking up at the moon, its glow washing his hair an ethereal platinum color.

“You’ve carried all this in your heart for so long but it hasn’t stopped you from becoming a good person.” Sasuke snorted.

“I’m not a good person.” Naruto finally faced him. His expression was serious, blue eyes like glass.

“Bad people don’t entertain small children at parties. Bad people don’t just show up to parties they’d rather not be at for someone else to begin with. Bad people don’t get scared when someone crosses a street without looking both ways. Bad people don’t worry about their pain spilling over and hurting others. Bad people don’t give a single fuck about other people.” He placed his hand over Sasuke’s heart. “You’re rough around the edges. You’re snarky and aloof and sometimes you’re too quiet, but… you’re not bad, Sasuke. I… I’d find it hard to believe you ever were.”

His vision blurred as tears threatened to overflow again. _ It’s bad enough I cried the first time. I don’t wanna cry again… _Naruto reached out, wiped the droplets away the moment they fell.

“Bad people don’t get emotional when someone finally validates them, either.” To his own surprise, Sasuke laughed. It was watery and breathy and altogether not very joyful, but a laugh nonetheless.

“I don’t need you to validate me.”

“I know.” Naruto smiled now. “But isn’t it nice to hear?” He nodded, having trouble finding someplace else to look. Naruto’s smile, Naruto’s eyes, they just kept reeling him back in…

Ultimately, it was Naruto who looked elsewhere. He laid down on the roof, tucked his arms behind his head, and stared up into the night sky.

“It took me a long time to figure that out about myself. For a long time, I thought I was alone because I deserved to be. I thought I was a bad person for acting out, for fighting, for failing in school. But I was just a kid. I was hurting and I didn’t have guidance. Jiraiya, he… he tried to help me, but he was still battling his own problems. Iruka always tried to help, but he couldn’t be there all the time. Once he adopted me, though, he became a constant beam of hope in my life. He taught me that I was worthy of love and acceptance no matter how many times other people left me, no matter what I did in my past. He taught me that it was me _ now _ that matters. He taught me how to be for others what he was for me.” He turned to look at Sasuke now. “I’ll be your hope, Sasuke. I’ll take you through healing just like Iruka took me through it. And one day you’ll understand.”

For a moment, he was too stunned to respond. He had heard what Naruto said, could see in his face the sincerity, but his mind was refusing to comprehend it. _ He wants to help me heal? Is that even possible? I’m so… broken. How could he possibly help me put myself back together…? _

“I can be really awful.”

“We’ll work through it together.”

“I might hurt you.”  
“I can take it.”

“I’m broken.”

“Nothing’s ever too broken to be fixed. You may not be able to go back to who you once were, but you can always become something better than what you are now.”

“I’ll be crushed if you give up on me.” His voice broke. Naruto sat up, taking Sasuke’s hands in his own.

“Sasuke, I will _ never _ give up on you. I promise, I never will. I always stand by my word. And I’ll always stand by you.” 

Sasuke shook his head. _ This doesn’t make any sense. We barely know each other and he’s pledging so much to me. It’s not right, it can’t be… _He forced himself to make eye contact.

“Why? Why would you go so far for me?” He didn’t mean to whisper. The wind nearly carried his voice away. But Naruto heard, and Naruto smiled, and Naruto clasped his hands together over Sasuke’s.

“Because you’re my friend.”

And it was that simple. At least for Naruto it was. Sasuke was… torn. He longed to confide in him, he ached for someone he could be close with, but at the same time he pulled away, took his hands back and balled them in his sleeves, took his gaze back and redirected it to the shingles between them. _ I don’t know how I can possibly trust this. It has to be a trap. No one is just… like this. We’ve hung out three times. We don’t even know each other. That’s not how any of this works and I’d be a fool to think it is… _

“I know, it seems stupid, but it’s true. You’re my friend. I feel… _ bonded _ with you already. It hurts me to see you hurt.” Sasuke finally met his gaze again. Naruto was smiling, but it wasn’t the squinty-eyed happiness he’d gotten used to. It was bittersweet and wistful, and it made him seem suddenly much older than he was. “I’ll prove myself to you as many times as it takes. I’m here for you and I’m not leaving, and nothing you say or do can make me.”

Naruto wiped away Sasuke’s tears for the third time.


	8. Kiss Me Deadly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw for... LOTS of mentions of death and homicide, blood mention, continuing mental health issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did somebody ask for 18pgs of emotional rollercoasters? no? too bad, that's what i wrote. please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times.

Sasuke awoke curled up in a beanbag chair in Naruto’s room, Naruto himself sleeping in his bed across the room. The sun was just rising, the sky a gradient of wispy pastels. He sat up. His chest ached. He rubbed at it absently, staring at Naruto’s back as he lay on his side. He pushed away the memories of the night before. He ignored the shame that burned like fire in his stomach, in his face. _ I can’t believe I did that. There’s no way he doesn’t think less of me now. I… I don’t see how he could possibly see me the same way after that. _ Naruto turned over, knocking a solid green body pillow off the bed and onto the floor. _ Maybe… maybe it’s best I keep some distance. At least for now. Throwing all of my shit at him at once isn’t good for either of us. And if he’s even half as serious as he seemed last night about sticking by me, then he’s going to want to be there for the anniversary. _ He shook his head. _ I… I’m not ready for that. I may not be for a long, long time. _ He rose quietly and crept toward the door in the half-light. Naruto snored. Loudly. _ It’ll just be for a few days. Until all this is over and I can talk about it without losing my mind entirely. _ He slipped out the door without disturbing him in the slightest. 

The first thing he noticed downstairs was that the children were all gone. He assumed their parents had swept them away in the night when they decided it was time to leave. A disheveled-looking man was lying on the couch instead. Sasuke knew he’d met him, but couldn’t remember his name. Not that it mattered. He dug through the bags and coats in the hallway, glancing up at the man periodically to make sure he didn’t wake him. At last he found his duffel bag tucked under a table. He easily popped the caps off his meds one-handed and swallowed them all with a single swig of water from a bottle he’d been smart enough to pack. He wriggled into his coat.

Sneaking out in the early hours of the morning had always been Sasuke’s specialty. As a child, it was to play soccer in the yard before school, waiting for his brother to wake up and join him. After his life went to shit, it was to take long walks around the neighborhood, brooding, avoiding wherever “home” was at that time for as long as possible. He was always the first customer of the day at the local coffee shops. Now, as an adult, it was almost exclusively to avoid social situations. For instance: leaving a party before anyone else wakes up so he doesn’t have to talk to people first thing in the morning. He never slept well at other people’s houses, he would literally rather die than use someone else’s shower, and the very idea of eating breakfast was nothing short of appalling. The fact that he’d fallen asleep at all in Naruto’s room should have been a sign that it was okay to stay, but… _ I can’t bear it if he can’t look at me the same anymore. If his eyes hold pity or fear or disgust, I’lll…. _ He shook his head to himself as he stood, heaving his duffel bag over his shoulder. _ I feel bad leaving like this after the kindness Naruto showed me, but… I need to get out of here. I have… feelings to process. I can’t do it here, with him. It’s too much. Especially if his eyes change. I don’t know how to deal with any of this. I need some space. Just for a few days. Once the anniversary passes I’ll be okay, I just- _

“Good morning, Sasuke.”

He jumped. Iruka leaned in the kitchen doorway, a mug steaming in his hand. _ How did I not notice him?! _

“Sorry to startle you. Would you like a cup of tea?” He hesitated. The man seemed benign enough. He wore flannel pants and an oversized tee shirt. His hair was down, his smile soft and genuine even with his eyes underscored by deep black bags. _ I have to go, I have to go, I have to go- _He dipped his head almost reverently.

“No thank you, sir.” Iruka waved a dismissive hand.

“Please, none of that ‘yes sir, no sir’ stuff.” Sasuke swallowed, nodded, hoped Iruka didn’t notice the sweat beading on his forehead.

“O-okay.”

“Anyway, is everything alright? It’s 5:30 in the morning.” Sasuke nodded quickly.

“Yes. I have a meeting at six. For work.” 

“On New Year’s Day?” 

“Yes. I don’t usually celebrate, and neither does my client. We set this up before I was invited here.” _ I have no idea if my client celebrates, but the due date for the piece _ _ is _ _ today, so it’s not a total lie… _

“Ah, I see. Well, if you have a moment to let me finish my tea I can drive you-”

“No, that’s fine. There’s a bus coming soon. I just have to leave now to get to the stop on time.” He bowed a little. “Thank you for your hospitality.”

Sasuke let himself out before Iruka could say anything else.

He had lied about the buses- he hadn’t even checked the schedule, hadn’t even checked if they were _ running- _ so he ended up walking halfway home before he finally caught up to one. He was dressed warmly, at least, and he didn’t actually have a meeting, so it didn’t matter how long it took. _ It’s not like anyone is at home waiting for me. _ He spent the whole ride wishing he could go to the dojo, or Kakashi’s, but knowing he couldn’t. _ I don’t know the security code. He always sets it on holidays. And he’s probably not even home. He’s probably at the graveyard. He has his own problems… _So Sasuke just stayed on the bus, waiting for it to get to the end of the line a few blocks from his apartment. He was alone save for a little old lady with a cart at the front. The bus driver looked hungover. 

It was sunny but bitterly cold. A dog barked at him from behind a wooden fence, but otherwise it was silent. Just the sound of ice and snow crunching and squelching beneath his feet. Supposedly another storm was on its way, the kind of blizzard that could have them trapped in their houses a few days. He mentally took stock of his canned goods and snacks, plus the food in his refrigerator and freezer, deciding he had more than enough to get by. He didn’t feel much like a pre-storm grocery run anyway. 

His apartment was silent as death, save for the brief jingling of his keys. He shed his coat like a second skin. _ All I want is a shower and coffee. That’s it. That’s all I want. _ His phone began to ring, cutting through his train of thought like a knife. _ Fuck me, I forgot to turn it off. _He answered it without even looking at the contact.

“Hello?”

“YOU STUPID BASTARD! WHY THE HELL DID YOU LEAVE? FUCK IT, I’M COMING OVER THERE!” Sasuke held the phone away from him, wincing at Naruto’s loud voice. _ Even more irritating in the morning… _

“What the hell are you talking about, dobe?”

“You LEFT! You left and you didn’t even say goodbye! I almost tore the whole house apart looking for you, I woke everybody up! What the hell’s the MATTER with you?!”

“You said yourself you weren’t holding me hostage, what happened to that?!” Sasuke accused.

“Obviously, but I didn’t think you’d just up and leave like that! Especially after what we went through last night!”

Sasuke didn’t know how to respond to that. _ I thought he might be a little upset, but I didn’t think- _

“Anyway, I gotta make everybody breakfast so they don’t murder me but once I do, I’m comin’ over there! I’m gonna stay til I’m not worried about you anymore and you’re gonna have to deal with it!” Sasuke’s heart nearly stopped. _ No way. That… No. No no no no no-! _

“You can’t do that!” he blurted out.

“Why the fuck not?! What are you gonna do, kick me out with your bum shoulder?” The mocking tone was meant to be hurtful, and boy was it ever. Sasuke’s grip on his phone tightened. The case might have made a cracking noise in protest.

“Fuck you,” he hissed. 

“S-Sasuke wait, I’m so sorry, I-I”

He hung up. The rush of anger nearly choked him. It took all his willpower not to send his phone flying down the hallway, shattering into a million pieces. Instead, he turned off the ringer and slammed it down on the tiny hallway table. He bolted all three locks on his door out of spite alone. 

He did not enjoy a moment of his shower or coffee. His jaw was clenched and hands shaking the whole time. He wrote the piece that was due in a blind fury, barely proofreading it. And then he just stewed. He sat in his kitchen nearly boiling over with pent-up emotions he couldn’t do anything about. The dojo and Kakashi were not options. Nobody was home for him to take his anger out on. There wasn’t even a plant for him to scream at. 

“How is that every time I try to spare someone their feelings, I become the bad guy? Huh? Why is that?” he said, to nothing in particular. “Why am I so bad at opening up to people? Why do I always push them away? I am fuckin’ defective or something? Am I such a damaged person that I just can’t be emotionally intimate with anyone? Am I self-sabotaging or was I just born inept? What the _ fuck _ gives?” 

There was, of course, no answer. He sighed heavily, folding his arms on the table and resting his head on them._ If Mom was here, she’d say I’m not broken. To have patience and things would work out the way they were meant to. Mom always believed in fate. If Dad were here, he’d say I’m being a wimp. Toughen up and face my fears. Quit being a little crybaby about it. If Brother… _ He swallowed a lump in his throat. _ The brother I knew would tell me it’s okay to feel frustrated and angry, but it’s not okay to take it out on other people. That making friends is difficult, and part of it is learning how to communicate my thoughts and feelings appropriately. He’d say to give Naruto another chance, talk it out so we can both understand each other, and move on from there. _ He sighed again. _ Itachi’s advice was always better than our parents’. _

Reluctantly, he called Naruto back. The phone rang and rang. It felt as if he’d swallowed a stone, and each unanswered ring made it sink deeper and deeper into the pit of his stomach.

“_ Hey, you’re talking to NARUTO’S PHONE! Leave a message with the beepy robot and I’ll get back to you soon probably. Or I’ll forget. In which case, call me again, dingus!” _ Sasuke hung up as the beep went off, placing his phone back down on the table. _ I fucked up. I fucked up big time. I didn’t… Fuck. _

A sudden pounding on his door had him launching out of his chair and grabbing a kitchen knife before he’d even thought about what he was doing. He found himself staggering to a halt in the doorway, malfunctioning. _ I… why did I pick up a knife? Why am I not answering the door? What the hell am I doing? _ The knocking continued, louder, even more insistent. He shoved the knife in his sweatshirt pocket to hide it, one hand still gripping it, and looked through the peephole. _ Naruto? _ Panic and relief mingled. It made him sick. He unbolted all the locks and the door swung open. Naruto barged his way in, already talking.

“Okay, so I know what I said was totally outta line and I’m sorry, I really am. I’m so sorry. That was NOT something I should have said. Completely insensitive and rude and definitely not what you need right now. But also- FUCK you have coffee? Can I have some coffee?- wait, I had a train of thought going here, one second…” 

Sasuke could only blink confusedly, closing the door and rebolting the locks, watching Naruto pace up and down the hallway, still wearing shoes and _ definitely _ dirtying up the rug, but he was just too baffled to really care at the moment. _ What the fuck is happening right now? _

“Oh, right, so what I won’t apologize for is being mad that you left. What the hell man? What is up with that? I was so worried about you!” His expression proved it. Sasuke didn’t know what to say, shaking his head uselessly. “Seriously? Nothing? You have nothing to say to me right now. You had a full breakdown last night, I can tell you’re the kinda guy who doesn’t do that often or around just anybody, and then I wake up this morning and you’re just… _ gone _. Do you even know what kinds of things crossed my mind?” Sasuke closed his eyes.

“It wasn’t anything personal. I always leave before everyone wakes up.” 

“_ Why _? Why are you like this?”

“I don’t know, okay! It’s just what I do!”

“You couldn’t have left a note?!” Naruto cried, throwing off his scarf. “Sent a text? Nothing?”  
“I didn’t think of it,” he admitted, his head lowering with each word out of Naruto’s mouth.

“Yeah, no shit! Well, guess what, now there’s gonna be consequences: I’m not leaving til I’m certain you’re okay.”  
“I’m fine.”

“Good! Then I guess I won’t be here long.” Sasuke reacted just quickly enough to catch Naruto’s coat as he flung it in his direction, hanging it up in the proper place with a glare. “Now can I _ please _ get some coffee, I’m dying.”

Sasuke went back into the kitchen while Naruto sat on the floor to unlace his boots, slipping the knife into a drawer without him ever noticing it. _ You’re lucky I always make too much, and that it’s still warm… _

“How do you take it?” 

“HUH?”  
“I said, how do-”

“WHAT?” 

“I SAID-!” He gasped as he turned back around. Naruto was suddenly right in front of him. _ How the hell did you sneak up on me like that?! _

“Bruh, why you yelling?” 

Sasuke closed his eyes, forcing himself to breathe.

“I said, ‘how do you take it’?”

“Oh! Milk and two sugars,” he replied, already rummaging through the fridge for milk. Sasuke added the sugars and left the spoon in the mug, returning to his original seat at the table. Naruto came over and sat opposite him as he stirred his drink. Sasuke shot an annoyed look at him, flicking his gaze toward the milk he’d left out on the counter, but Naruto didn’t seem to notice, greedily drinking his coffee. _ Weird how we were in these exact same spots just a few days ago. It feels so long ago. So much has happened… _He got up and put the milk away with another pointed look toward Naruto. “Oops, sorry. I do that a lot.”

“Kiba must love that.” 

Naruto shrugged as Sasuke sat back down.

“Eh, he doesn’t really eat at home, so he doesn’t notice. I usually catch myself before it’s been out _ too _ long, but sometimes… sometimes I get food poisoning.” Sasuke rolled his eyes, though a smirk tugged at the corners of his lips. “Anyway… from now on, could you just let me know what’s going on? Just so I don’t worry.”

“Sure.” He smiled.

“Thanks.”

They shared a companionable silence, aside from Naruto’s occasional slurping noise. Sasuke tried not to be irritated by it. _ I still don’t get it. Why did he worry so much about me? Did I scare him that badly? Is he not dealing with what happened last night as well as I thought he was? Why does he care so deeply already? Maybe Gaara was right. Maybe he _ _ is _ _ getting attached too quickly. All the more reason for me to keep him at arm’s length. I don’t want to hurt him- _

“Hey, you’re thinkin’ weird things. Talk to me, bastard,” Naruto demanded.

“It’s nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

Sasuke sighed. He did a lot of sighing lately.

“I’m still trying to figure out why you care so much. Why you worry about me and try so hard for me. You barely know me.” Naruto’s face twisted with frustration, and he choked on whatever he was about to say. Instead, he closed his eyes and released a steady stream of breath, setting his mug down.

“Then tell me about yourself. Let me get to know you. That way you don’t feel weird about me caring. Not that it should be weird to care about and worry for another person but, whatever. Clearly you’re not used to having someone think you matter just because you exist. So in the meantime, do us both a favor and make it less weird for you.” Sasuke just blinked at him.

“I don’t know where to start.” Naruto rolled his eyes.

“Okay, uhh, let’s start simple. What’s your favorite color? Mine’s orange. But I also like green a lot.” Sasuke shrugged.

“Blue.”

“I would have thought it was black.” Sasuke shrugged.

“I like black. It’s just not my favorite.”

“Then why do you wear it all the time?”

“It always matches. I don’t have to think about it. And you can’t ruin your laundry if it’s all the same color and you don’t even own bleach.”

“So wait, you’re saying you don’t even wear white socks? White underwear?” Sasuke felt his face heat up.

“Pass.” Naruto spluttered.

“Pass? You can’t pass, this isn’t a game.”

“Too bad. I said ‘pass’.”

“If I let you pass this one you’re just gonna pass all the other ones too!”

“I won’t.”  
“You won’t?”

“I won’t.” Naruto smiled deviously, shoved his pinky at him from across the table.

“Promise, then.” Sasuke rolled his eyes.

“Ugh, fine. I promise.” They linked pinkies.

Over the next several hours, Sasuke and Naruto learned a whole lot about each other. Mostly that Sasuke swung wildly between “extremely opinionated” and “no preference whatsoever”, no in between. For example, it was hard to pick a favorite animal. He liked cats, and snakes, and birds. Most animals were pretty alright. But hot dogs were absolutely _ not _ a sandwich and that was evidently a hill he was willing to die on. Naruto begged to differ. “Keep begging, then,” Sasuke had replied, which sent Naruto into hysterics. So it goes.

At some point the conversation turned toward movies, and Naruto remembered the recommendation he’d given Sasuke that first time they hung out at Ino and Sakura’s.

“Did you ever watch it?” Sasuke shook his head. “Wanna watch it now? I brought my laptop, I have it downloaded.” Sasuke shrugged. “You got an HDMI cable hooked up to the TV?”

“Uh, I think my roommates left one up there.” Naruto pulled his laptop out of his backpack and plopped down on the floor by the TV, sorting through the wires. “Oh, wait, is this gonna be triggering for you? It’s a murder mystery. We can watch something else if that’s no good.”

Sasuke shifted uneasily. _ I guess it’s obvious that something like that might set me off. Nobody ever thinks to ask if that’s okay… _

“If it’s not too gorey it’s fine.”

“Oh no no no. Not at all. You gotta remember, this was made back in 1944. Things were _way_ different back then. They couldn’t show the kind of gore a lot of horror movies do now. Plus, this isn’t horror. It’s just a murder mystery. More like detective stuff than anything else.” Sasuke nodded.

“I can do that.”

“Sick! Just let me know if it’s upsetting you, we can always turn it off, y’know?” Sasuke nodded, but Naruto wasn’t paying attention, trying to make the HDMI cable plug into his laptop. “The shape only goes in one way, why is this always such an _issue_,” he mumbled. Sasuke gave a soft snort in lieu of laughter. “I can hear you, asshole. You wanna do it?”

“Mm, nah. I’m happy right here.” He settled further back into the corner of the couch for emphasis. Naruto didn’t say anything, but he could see him roll his eyes.

He finally got the laptop plugged in and pressed play. He shoved Sasuke as he took the opposite corner of the couch. Sasuke kicked him a little, tucking his foot between the cushions before Naruto could slap it. The blond stuck his tongue out at him, to which Sasuke smirked. 

Naruto fidgeted the whole time, occasionally dropping trivia or just randomly responding to the scene on screen. Sasuke absorbed the whole thing silently, nodding along to Naruto’s commentary. He didn’t hate it. In fact, he… kind of liked it. When Naruto suggested they watch Kiss Me Deadly next, he didn’t even object. Instead, he got up and retrieved a blanket from the linen closet, draping it over Naruto (who refused to admit he was shivering) and sitting on the middle cushion so he could share some of Sasuke’s body heat. Kiss Me Deadly was a different breed of movie. It was intense, almost savage, and the allegories alone were so beautifully crafted they had Sasuke wanting to write his own murder mysteries. He liked it a lot. Naruto gave a lot less commentary this time, instead studying Sasuke’s reactions as he warmed up under the covers. Sasuke pretended not to notice Naruto’s gradual encroachment on his personal space as he continued trying to stay warm.

“Is it just me or is it actually ice cold in here?” Naruto asked as the ending credits rolled. Sasuke rubbed his eyes, pulling himself out of his thoughts, out of the storyline he’d just watched unfold. He’d wriggled his way under the blanket at some point, too. Now that he was paying attention, he realized his nose and ears were much colder than they should have been. 

“Hmph.”

He untangled himself from the blanket and wandered out into the hallway. The thermostat read an even 65 degrees, the same temperature he and his roommates always kept it. He walked back into the living room and carefully touched the heater. It was cold.

“You’re fuckin’ kidding me.”

“What’s wrong Sasuke?” Naruto asked as he went back to the thermostat in the hallway, clicking the button to turn the heat on and tapping at the digital display. Nothing changed, and the heater did not kick on, and _ fuck me, are you fuckin’ SERIOUS?! _

“It’s broken.”

“You’re joking.”

“Fucking wish.” He shook his head, already dialing Mr. Shimura. “I’m gonna give this piece of shit old man a piece of my mind, I swear to-” 

“Hello. You have reached the voicemail box of-”

“Motherfucking-!” He cleared his throat as the beep sounded. “Hello, this is Sasuke Uchiha, tenant at 23 Hawk Street, second floor,” he said in his most pleasant, most complacent, most _ professional _ tone. “I hate to disturb your holiday, but I thought you should know the heat is not working again. Please bear in mind the fine for violating city law by not providing essential services is $1,000, and that the City Office of Housing and Repairs takes calls 24/7 regarding these outages. I will not hesitate to contact city officials should this matter remain unresolved. Thanks, and have a warm and happy New Year.”

He nearly launched his phone at a wall for the second time today, teeth gritted with anger. 

“Bruh, that was insane. How do you speak so calmly on the phone?”  
“Years of practice.” He forced a deep breath, slumping into the reclining chair and folding his arms irritably over his chest, his leg bouncing. “I learned a long time ago that screaming and yelling on the phone should only be reserved for when you really need it. Otherwise, be as patient and polite as possible. It’s a ‘don’t burn the bridge before you get to it’ type thing.” Naruto nodded.

“Well, it’s fuckin’ impressive.” Naruto took out his own phone, checking the time. “And it’s been long enough now that Kiba and Hinata have definitely had a nap and probably finished banging, so if you want I can give them a call and see if Kiba will pick us up. Our building got new oil a couple weeks ago and they just checked all our wiring so we won’t be going out anytime soon.”

Just like that, Sasuke became shifty and hesitant again.

“I’m not sure-”  
“Oh, come on. You really wanna sit here freezing your ass off when there’s a warm, comfortable place to go halfway across town?”

“_ No _, but…”

“But what? Talk to me,” Naruto pleaded. Sasuke scratched at a blazing cheek.

“It’s just, the heat might be out a few days. And the anniversary is coming up, I have things I have to prepare…”

“What do you usually do? Maybe we could do it at my place instead.” Sasuke shifted uncomfortably, tucking his legs into lotus position.

“I use a Buddhist-style altar.”

“Butsudan?”

“Yeah. I… I don’t have anywhere to keep it, so I made one that I can take apart. I have to put that back together, and put up the pictures, and the incense, plus the offerings…”

“I see. How far in advance do you make the food and still consider it fresh?”

“I actually… don’t use fresh,” he admitted. “My parents always thought it was wasteful. They only made offerings of dinner leftovers. So I make foods that we ate as a family a week or two in advance and eat that until the anniversary. The day of, I take a mini portion out, as if it’s dinner leftovers.” He swallowed a little. “I know it’s not traditional, but it’s how they would have wanted it.” Naruto nodded.

“Listen, I’m not one to judge. You gotta do it the way that works for you and your family. You don’t have to justify anything to me.” He played with the hem of his pants. “I have incense and candles at my place if you wanna borrow them. I can clear off a little table in my room for you to set up the altar. And you can put the offerings in my freezer, nobody will touch it.” He looked back up at Sasuke. “I’m not trying to force it. I just don’t want you to freeze to death, y’know?”

He nodded, staring at his own interlaced fingers. _ He’s right. If it takes a few days to restore the heat, then I’ll be doomed. There’s no way to stay warm enough here alone. This isn't about my feelings anymore, it's survival… _   
“Sure. I’ll come over.”

“Really?” Naruto asked, sitting straight up, trying not to look as obviously excited as he did.

“Yeah. Just let me pack before we leave.”

“Yes, of course! I’ll call Kiba now and let him know.” Sasuke nodded again, exiting the living room and walking into the bedroom. He sat down on the bed and stared at the opposite wall. _ I haven’t stayed at anyone’s house like this except Kakashi’s since… my last foster home. Do I even remember how to be in someone else’s space? _ He shook his head to clear it. _ Focus. Just pack your shit and go. It’s freezing in here. _

Most of what he needed was already in the duffel bag. All he had to do was add extra clothes and the components of the butsudan. He glanced through the open door. Naruto’s voice drifted in softly from the living room.

“... on you and Hinata, but it’s freezing, y’know? I can’t believe…” Sasuke crawled beneath the bed, just barely able to reach the box all the way in the back. It’d been easier to get into this space when he was younger and smaller. He was able to yank it out by the string, though. He glanced over his shoulder again. Naruto had moved to the chair, sitting sideways in it like Suigetsu often did. He only knew because the one thing visible in the doorway was his feet. Sasuke rolled his eyes, untying the box and sifting through the contents. He’d been smart enough to leave incense and candles in the box last time, as well as the usual framed photos. Assured he had everything he needed, he closed the box, tied it back together, and put it in the middle of his duffel. He used the clothes to cushion it in lieu of bubblewrap or styrofoam, making sure it was surrounded evenly on all sides. The butsudan itself was shitty. It was made by defiant thirteen-year-old hands, intent on keeping this one thing alive when everything else about his life before had died. It was unorthodox and poorly constructed and entirely utilitarian, but it was all he had, and he would do his all to protect it. _ No one can take my heritage and my family away from me. No one and nothing. Not even- _

He pushed away the memories of that particular house, heaving the bag over his shoulder and taking one last glance around the room to make sure he hadn’t left anything behind. _ There’s no need to bring more trauma into this. I’m dealing with enough right now as it is… _He shut the door behind him with a note of finality.

__

Naruto’s apartment was a bit more than halfway across town. Imagining him biking to Senju’s every day made Sasuke feel a little bad for him, actually. A car would make his life so much easier. By the time they rolled into the parking lot, the wind was starting to pick up, the sky turning a foreboding grey. Naruto’s mood, though, was unaffected. He led the way excitedly through a back entrance, immediately entering a basement apartment. It smelled of incense and dog. Clean dog, just like at Kakashi’s house. 

No sooner had the thought crossed his mind than a giant white dog came bounding around the corner. 

“Akamaru!” Kiba cried, nearly knocking Sasuke and Naruto over as he pushed his way in front of them and spread his arms wide. The dog jumped up into his arms, licking his face. Kiba laughed, heaving the dog up and carrying him around the room. “Did you miss me, boy? Were you good for Hana?” The dog yipped like a puppy, licking his face again. “Aw, that’s my boy, of _ course _ you were. You are the goodest, smartest boy _ ever _ .” Sasuke snorted a little. _ I could tell he liked dogs, but _ _ wow _ _ has he got a soft spot for this one. _ Kiba glared at him. “He _ is _! Wanna show Sasuke some tricks?” 

The dog barked excitedly as Kiba entered the kitchen. The counters and cabinets made a U-shape. The space between was wide enough that Naruto was able to get past Kiba to open the freezer and put Sasuke’s offerings away. One side had floating cabinets above a stretch of counter, with stools facing the living area, which was just big enough for a couch, a TV, and a small kitchen table and chairs. There was a door on either side of the living room, presumably leading to bedrooms. They had passed the bathroom and a closet on the way in. _ The place is… nice, _ he thought. _ I’m pleasantly surprised… _The living room was painted a burnt orange. Abstract art pieces hung on the walls, as well as photographs in uniform black frames. Sasuke was distracted by Kiba shaking a box of treats. Akamaru spun around in excited circles.

“Okay, boy, sit!” The dog sat, tongue hanging out. “Speak!” He barked. “Lay down!” The dog laid down. “Roll over!” He rolled over. “Alright, here’s the big finish.” Kiba held his hand like a gun. “Reach for the stars!” Akamaru sat up on his hind legs. “Bang!” He flopped over on his side, still except for the wagging of his tail. “Good boy, Akamaru, good boy!” Kiba praised, handing the dog a bone-shaped treat. He ate it out of his hand with an unexpected amount of gentleness given his general gusto, his teeth never touching Kiba’s skin. Sasuke gave one semi-sarcastic, congratulatory clap as Kiba looked to him, clearly hoping he’d be more impressed. 

“Where can I put this?” he asked Naruto, lifting his duffel bag for clarity. He smiled, gesturing toward the bedroom door furthest from them. 

“Oh, come on, you’re not even gonna tell Akamaru he’s a good boy?” Kiba cried. Sasuke rolled his eyes, stopping to pat Akamaru’s head on his way to Naruto’s room.

“You’re a very good boy. You did well given the owner you’re stuck with.”

“Hey! Take that back you bastard!”

Sasuke ignored him, walking through the door Naruto held open for him. Naruto closed it behind them. 

“Feel free to put your bag down wherever you want. This is the table I was thinking you could use. Would this work for you?” He motioned to a small white table, currently overrun with art supplies. It was low to the ground, wide and long enough for the entire butsudan set-up and then some, and the room was carpeted so he could sit on the floor for quite a while before he got uncomfortable. _ It’s perfect, actually. _

"Yeah."

“Awesome. You can set it up whenever you want, I’m just gonna put this all away.” He was picking up things and placing them in a box as he spoke, arranging some things more carefully than others.

“Is all this for the claymation you’re doing?”

“Yeah, how’d you guess!” Sasuke blinked.

“The clay figures might have tipped me off,” he deadpanned. Naruto blinked back, then laughed boisterously.

“That makes sense! But look here, I’m making them teeny tiny little clothes too!” he said, holding up a half-finished felt vest. 

“Cool,” Sasuke said. He didn’t want to sound so disinterested, but he was thinking about the butsudan, and the offerings, and the fact that the anniversary was coming quickly, and worried thoughts circled in the back of his mind about doing it here, about doing it possibly in front of another person, and it was… a lot. It took up a lot of the brainspace he’d rather be using to engage with Naruto. _ It’s like wanting to be distracted just makes me think about it even more… _

Naruto’s face softened. He motioned for Sasuke to sit on the floor with him at the now-clear table. He brought his duffle bag with him, removing the box his butsudan was tucked away in.

“I know you’re really worried about the anniversary. I’m sorry that now you might have to do it in an unfamiliar place. That’s gotta be throwing you off. Have you ever observed it with someone else before?” Sasuke swallowed.

“Not willingly.” Naruto glanced at him, then nodded. Sasuke busied himself with looking around the room. Naruto still had posters, but not of busty women. He had film posters instead. Rather than a bookcase full of frogs, he had just one shelf, right above their current seats. Two large flags hung above the head of his bed. Sasuke recognized them as the transgender and pansexual pride flags. _ I see. Good for him that he’s open about it. I could never see myself hanging up pride flags like that. It’s so… brazen… _

“I’m sorry. I won’t pry.” Sasuke nodded, staring at a rolled-up yoga mat in the corner. There was a shelf over there, too, with crystals and a salt lamp on it. There were symbols painted on the wall he didn’t understand. 

“Thanks.”

“Can I ask you about one thing, though?”

Sasuke preemptively bristled. _ We’ve spent all day talking and asking each other questions. What more could he possibly want to talk about? He knows my favorite books, favorite movies, favorite color, favorite animals, what my first job was… what the hell else could he possibly want to know about me today? _

“Were you forced by a foster family to share the anniversary with them?”

Sasuke’s teeth ground together audibly.

“There was one house they made me share it with them. They… liked Japanese culture a bit… too much for non-Japanese people.” Naruto nodded.

“It felt like they were fetishizing it, right?”

“Yeah.” Sasuke tucked one knee up to his chest. “It felt like a violation.”

“It was. They intruded on something private. And I’d bet my left ass cheek they bothered you the whole time, asking you questions and stuff, right?”

“Worse. They tried to correct me on how I was doing things.” Naruto’s eyes widened.

“You’re shitting me.”

“Nope.”

He shook his head. 

“Wow. And here I was thinking the home I was in where they constantly asked me questions was bad.” Sasuke snorted.

“You have no idea.” 

“Did they tell you your butsudan wasn’t right?” Sasuke gripped his knee a little too hard.

“No. I still had a real one then. One that stayed up all the time.”

“What happened to it?”

“Got destroyed.”

Naruto shook his head.

“Lemme guess: a different home where that kind of thing wasn’t allowed?”

“They were convinced it was a ‘tool of Satan’. Whatever the fuck that means.” Sasuke rolled his eyes. “So I got the shit kicked outta me and they destroyed it.” He touched the pieces tenderly as he laid them each out on the table. He placed the pictures, face-down for now, on the furthest edge from Naruto. _I’m just glad the pictures weren’t out. They probably would have burned them... _

“Foster parents should have to do cultural competency trainings.”

“And extensive psych evals.”

“And anti-abuse seminars.”

“And be in mental health awareness groups.”

“Isn’t it terrible that I can think of, like, five more things?” Sasuke shrugged, concentrating on affixing the pieces together. 

“Foster care is a shitty system. Needs lots of work.”

For a little while they sat in silence. Sasuke was only half-present, part of him drifting through a current of memories. Moving houses with all his belongings in a garbage bag. The taste of coffee, still bitter to a twelve-year-old’s tongue. The tightness of shoes long outgrown but too poor to replace. The violet sky as he took the pre-dawn bus to school. The sound of yelling, of objects thrown and shattered, of anger and dysfunction. The agony of never belonging, the jolt of danger, every hair standing on end. The unmistakable metallic tang of blood in his mouth, his nose, invading everything-

“You okay?”

Sasuke jerked away from Naruto’s touch. The butsudan was finished. Now he was just staring at it, hands and jaw both clenched so hard they hurt. He forced his jaw to loosen and his fists to unfurl.

“Yeah.”

“Do you wanna put the pictures up?” 

Sasuke hesitated, picking up one of the frames. He ran his thumb along the edges. 

“Think on it. I’m gonna get us some food. I’m _ starving _!” Naruto said, getting up and vacating the room with a smile. Sasuke listened as he walked into the kitchen, talking with Kiba while Akamaru pranced about, nails clicking on the tiles. Sasuke laid the photographs out in front of the butsudan one by one, staring at the faces. His mother, his father… and his brother. The brother he knew, not the one he became. Back when they were young, and his smile was gentle, and his eyes were soft. The brother that had been taken from him just as tragically as his parents. He brought both knees to his chest now, wrapping his arms around them.

“I haven’t shared you with anyone in a long time. Please know that neither of us mean any disrespect to you. He’s stupid, and I’m… lost. I don’t know what to do. I don’t… I don’t know what’s best.” He found himself holding back tears. “So if anything goes wrong… please forgive me. I’m trying so hard…” 

He heard Naruto approaching, and took a deep, steadying breath. He switched to sitting cross-legged, trying to look casual, hoping Naruto wouldn’t notice that he was sweating bullets. He was actually afraid to take off his sweatshirt in case he had sweat stains. _ If only the moron didn’t keep his room so hot, maybe I wouldn’t be sweating as hard as I am… _

“Alright, hope you brought your pills, bastard, ‘cause pizza’s just about all we got,” Naruto announced, dropping a plate in front of Sasuke as he sat down beside him. It smelled weird.

“What kind of pizza is this?”  
“Barbeque chicken. Just try it, it’s good!” Sasuke rummaged through his duffle bag for the pills and popped a few, easily swallowing them dry. “Uh, I was gonna offer you water, but…”

“It’s fine. I do this all the time.”  
“It’s funny, Kankurō can do that too. You guys are a lot alike in some ways.” Sasuke wrinkled his nose, more at Naruto’s statement than the food. It wasn’t bad, but wasn’t great either. 

“Don’t compare me to that weirdo.”  
“Oh, man, I meant to ask you- what did he say to you last night? Just after the ball dropped?” Naruto snickered to himself. “Ball drop. It always sounds so funny.” Sasuke rolled his eyes. _ Immature. _

“Nothing important.”

“Come on, tell me! I won’t tell him you told me.”

Naruto’s grin was a little more mischievous than Sasuke would have liked. _ If he confronts me about it some other time I’ll just deny it. Naruto can’t prove this conversation ever happened... _

“He asked me to kiss him. I declined.” Naruto laughed so loud it made Sasuke’s ears ring.  
“Is he kidding?! Oh, I’m gonna _ torture _him about this!”

“You just said you wouldn’t tell him!” Sasuke cried, shoving at him. Naruto let it bowl him over, laughing hysterically on the floor.

“He’s so friggin’ _stupid_! I mean I know I’m dumb, but _shit_, Kank! He never learns!” He caught his breath as he sat back up, setting down his slice. “Oh man, he’s been like this ever since we were kids. Always trying to get with people that are, like, model-status hot or completely polar opposite in personality or just plain _douchebags_ and never ever _ever_ seeing the people pining for him right in front of him! Y’know Tenten had a crush on him for like, _three_ _years_ before she gave up on him?” 

“Really?” Sasuke didn’t even need to feign interest. He was surprised as hell.

“Yeah! And Kank never even gave her a _ chance _. I’m sure if I asked him what he thought of her he wouldn’t even be able to come up with something, that’s how completely ignored she is. She deserves way better if you ask me.”

“Definitely.”

“And don’t even get me started on Kiba. Kiba had a _ massive _ crush on him when we all first started hanging out. MASSIVE! And Kankurō didn’t even notice until one night we were all wasted and Kiba came onto him. And the stupid fucker rejected him! Hell man, if things had turned out just a little different I might’ve gone out with Kiba myself!”

Sasuke raised a brow.

“You would have?”

“Yeah, why not! We get along really well and just, like, click in a way I’ve never clicked with someone before, y’know? But it’s, like, not a romantic or sexual thing, y’know? It’s hard to explain.” Sasuke nodded.

“Best friends.”

“Eh, I dunno. I mean we’re definitely best friends, don’t get me wrong! But also, like… it’s more than that?” Naruto thought about it, tapping his chin. “I mean, I’m not gonna fuck him or anything if that’s what you’re trying to get at. And I wouldn’t ever even _ dream _ of taking him from Hinata. It’s one of those things where, like, if we’re both single and the timing is right we might try it but, like… it’s not at all a necessity, and would probably just end up being a fun little fling before we decided we liked things better the way they were. The only reason we didn’t shoot our shots before, when the timing kinda was right, was because there was that worry in the beginning that things would be too weird so we just never really pursued it, y’know?” He smiled. “It’s just one of those things. And I mean, if he’d been messing around with me he might never have gotten with Hinata. And he really likes Hinata. Like, _ really _ likes her.” He grinned mischievously again. “Wanna know a secret?”

“Not rea-”

“He’s gonna ask her father for his blessing soon.”

Sasuke’s eyebrows shot straight into his hairline.

“Like… for marriage?” he squeaked. Naruto nodded.

“I’m gonna be the best man,” he said, chest puffed up with pride. Sasuke shook his head.

“I wouldn’t have pegged him as the type…” Naruto shrugged.

“When you know, you know. At least, that’s what he says. I know they tease each other a lot, but they’re really good together. They’ve known each other since they were kids. Sometimes it’s almost like they share a brain, y’know? He’ll go to ask her for something and she’ll already have it in her hand. Or she’ll walk into a room and forget why and he immediately knows what she needs. They finish each other’s sentences _ all the time _ . It’s actually kinda creepy.” Sasuke nodded. He was familiar with the concept. _ Sakura and Ino are the same way. Like they live in sync with each other, all the time. Once upon a time, my parents were that way, too… _ “Anyway, I see you’ve got the pictures up.” Sasuke frowned at the topic change. _ I much prefer useless babble about other people’s love lives… _“This is your mom and dad, right?” Naruto asked, pointing to each. Sasuke nodded. “I totally see it. You look more like your mom than you dad. But you’ve got the same stern expression as him.”

“No I don’t.”

“Oh no, you totally do. Like this is _ exactly _ what your resting bitch face looks like.”   
“I don’t have a resting bitch face.”

“You absolutely do. Like, you can’t even argue with me about this, you _ know _ I’m right.”

Sasuke folded his arms over his chest. He would not admit to pouting but… he totally was. 

“And this. Is this your brother?” Sasuke deflated, looking away.

“Yeah.”  
“Is he dead?”

“I don’t know. I don’t even know where he is.”

“They never caught him?” Naruto asked, incredulous. Sasuke shook his head.

“He said one day I’d face him. When I had the same eyes as him. So… there’s always a chance he’ll come out and find me.” Sasuke swallowed a little.

“What will you do if he does?”

“Kill him.”

The silence between them was heavy. He may as well just drop a rack of weights on his chest. It was starting to feel difficult to breathe. It was too hot.

“You can’t… be serious,” Naruto whispered. Sasuke turned his head almost mechanically.

“Dead serious.”

For the first time, Sasuke saw genuine fear in Naruto’s eyes. 

“Are you afraid of me now, Naruto?” he asked. His voice came out calm like the tide just before a tsunami. 

“No. I’m afraid _ for _ you.” Sasuke shook his head. “I can’t bear the thought of you having to do that. Sasuke, you loved him so much. You mourn him even though he’s not really dead because… the brother you loved died that day, too. And you think killing him won’t just make things worse? You think that won’t just traumatize you more?”

“Well then what am I supposed to do, Naruto?” he demanded, turning fully toward him, up on his knees, towering over him while he still sat on the ground. “You think he’s just gonna let me kill him? It’ll be a fight. It’ll be a fight for my life and I won’t let him take it. He’s taken _ everything _ from me. I’d kill myself before I ever let him kill me.” Naruto shook his head. Sasuke turned away, pacing. “He took my family, my childhood, my peace, my sanity, and you want me to what? Just roll over and let him take everything else, too? You want me to just let him kill me, or you, or Kakashi, or whoever?”

“Sasuke-”

“And don’t you dare say ‘just call the police’, the police are fucking _ useless _ . Their incompetence is the only reason he’s still out running around to begin with. He _ should _ be rotting in a prison cell. He should never see the light of day again. He should have to feel the same pain I feel every fucking day.” Sasuke touched the scar on his arm. The same arm that eventually got ruined. He wished he could blame that on him, too. But there were other villains in his story. “If he ever comes back, and he might, I’ll face him. I won’t be a coward. And I’ll avenge it all. My family, my life. Everything. And finally, maybe I’ll be able to get that sense of peace back. Maybe I’ll finally feel safe again…”

He’d stalked his way all around the room. Now he stood on the side of the bed, facing Naruto. He was still sitting on the floor, almost as if gravity were too difficult to shrug off.

“Killing him won’t bring you peace,” he said. His voice was strong and firm and putridly self-assured. “It won’t bring your parents back, it won’t give you a childhood, it won’t put you back together again. It’ll make you just like him.”

“I will _ never _ be like him!’ he snarled. “Don’t ever say that to me!”

“What’s the difference, Sasuke?!”

“What’s the difference?! What’s the _ difference _ ?! The _ difference _ is that I’d be wiping out a homicidal maniac who, by the way, _ still wants me fucking dead _ ! The _ difference _ is that killing him is an act of self-defense! He killed our parents without cause, without provocation, without remorse. He killed them because he is heartless and cruel. He’s a monster and I’d be doing everybody a favor by taking him out once and for all!” He sucked in a breath. “None of us ever got justice. There was no closure. Killing him would be the end. I’d never have to worry again that he might show up and finish the job. I’d never have to worry again that he might do the same thing to someone else.” 

Sasuke sat down on the bed. He felt shaky and nauseous. He was still sweating, but his skin had gone ice cold. 

“Sasuke, are you okay?” Naruto asked, rising halfway, his hand reaching out toward him. 

“Stay the fuck away from me!” he growled. Naruto sat back down, his hand slowly going limp at his side. Sasuke stared at his own hands. They were so, so cold. He barely had any feeling in them. He flexed them. His vision blurred in and out, in and out. 

“I’m coming over there.”

“Didn’t I just tell you to stay the fuck away from me?!”

“‘I recognize the council has made a decision, but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it.’”

“That doesn’t even make sense!”

“It’s a movie quote, asshole! Haven’t you ever seen the Avengers?”

The quote had successfully distracted him long enough for Naruto to climb up onto the bed and enfold him in a tight hug. 

“Let go of me!” Sasuke hissed. 

“You’re literally on the verge of hyperventilating and coming down from a major adrenaline rush. Just trust me, this will help.”

“I thought you were fucking dumb.”

“Yes but I am also deeply disordered so just shut the fuck up and let me hold you.”

Sasuke struggled a little, but in all honesty, there wasn’t much fight left in him. He felt exhausted. He’d gotten so worked up he basically wasted all his energy at once. All he wanted to do was sleep for the rest of his life. He couldn’t stop shaking. _ Stupid, stupid, stupid! I hate this! _Naruto wrestled Sasuke the rest of the way onto the bed in one swift movement, leaving them both lying down. Naruto immediately shifted to wrap his arms and legs completely around Sasuke. If he were in his right mind, he’d break out of the holds instantly and probably beat the shit out of him, but given he was too busy fighting his own body for control, he just resigned himself to this stupid, sweaty fate.

“This will also help.”

“What, manhandling me? Manhandling me will help?” 

“Would you rather I treat you like a dainty little princess?”

“Not if you wanna keep all your teeth.”  
“Bold of you to assume these are all my real teeth to begin with.” Sasuke didn’t even know what to say to that.

“What the _ fuck _ does that mean.”

“It means I did full-contact tournament fighting and also hated brushing my teeth. Most of these fuckers are implants.”

“How the hell did you afford implants?”

“My godfather had incredible health insurance.”

Sasuke found himself starting to relax, and the more he relaxed, the looser Naruto’s grip became. He let himself catch his breath. He wasn’t sweating nearly as much now, at least, and the shaking was getting less intense.

“Deeply disordered,” Sasuke said to the ceiling.

“Hm?”

“Deeply disordered. What did you mean by that?”

“What do you think it means, asshole? It means I went through the foster system, too. I’ve got my own issues. So when someone else is having a breakdown or a meltdown or whatever in front of me, I know how it feels and I know what to do.” Sasuke finally turned his head to meet Naruto’s eyes. Cerulean, clear and bright, reaching out to dark obsidian, almost calling to him with a voice of their own. “I’m deeply disordered, and that makes me the best person to help someone as fucked up as you.”

They were mirrors of each other, lying on their sides. The air was still and the room itself seemed to disappear until Naruto was all that remained. In that moment, all that mattered was Naruto. _ I'm in Naruto's world. I'm blessed to exist. _The words came from somewhere deep in his subconscious. He reached out. Naruto’s cheek was warm in his palm. Naruto’s hand reached up and touched his in return.

“Sasuke?” he breathed. _ What is it about him that makes me feel this way? Why am I so drawn to him? Why _ _ him _ _ ? _ His thumb traced his cheekbone. _ Why are you so special to me? Even though you don’t fully understand, there are some things you just… _ _ know _ _ … _ His skin was more delicate than he would have thought, roughened by windburn and cold. If his touch stung, then Naruto gave no sign of it. _ Why are you choosing to be with me? Why are you…? _

He closed his eyes. He wanted to cry, but he was too tired. As if last night’s episode had left him dry. Naruto’s hand gently redirected his, resting it on the covers.

“Why don’t you finish your dinner?” he suggested. Naruto’s gentleness made something inside him ache. It felt like screaming underwater. 

“I’m not hungry.”

“Then rest. It’s been… a weird day.” _Weird doesn’t even begin to cover it… _He listened to Naruto get up, felt the bed dip and his scent waft over him. He opened his eyes just to stare at his back. He was warmth and sun, and made of a resilience that Sasuke would envy if he wasn’t so awestruck by it. He let his eyes drift shut again. _I don’t understand any of this. But if Naruto’s choice is to stand by me, then… I suppose I have to let him… _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can't believe i've already written 8 chapters and still have so much more i wanna write (⊃д⊂) please keep being patient with updates and thank you so much for reading! ily all so so much!


	9. The Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw's for mental health stuff, graphic nightmares, memorials of deaths

The snow piled higher and higher over the next two days. The winds blew bitter and cold. Frostbite would set in at just ten minutes outside. Kiba and Akamaru’s walks were short, to say the least. Sasuke wrote while Naruto fiddled with materials for his claymation. Naruto had alarms for everything, including breaks and meals. To Sasuke’s frustration, Naruto forced him to also take breaks and eat meals. It was a lot of pizza. Too many pies’ worth, if anyone bothered to ask Sasuke. But he was a guest, and Naruto was being… unreasonably accommodating as it was. The first night, Sasuke had fallen asleep in Naruto’s bed, and rather than move him or sleep somewhere else, he’d just crawled in next to him and gone to sleep, too. When Sasuke woke up, he damn near jumped out of bed, putting as much distance between them as possible. Naruto insisted that Sasuke kept sleeping there, though. He said he shared beds with friends all the time, that it was no big deal. Sasuke wouldn’t admit it, but he was relieved. He actually enjoyed sharing a bed. It brought back bittersweet memories of his childhood, of running to his brother’s room when a thunderstorm rolled past. He’d pull the covers all the way up over his head, curling into Itachi’s side. Itachi would pat his head and tell him it’s okay, and Sasuke would cling to his chest when a loud boom went off. Eventually he’d fall asleep, knowing he was safe as long as his brother was there. Those were always the nights Sasuke, the notoriously terrible sleeper, slept best growing up. Apparently his body did not forget; as long as Naruto was next to him, Sasuke had no difficulty falling asleep now.

Naruto had evidently taken offense to the fact that Sasuke was unfamiliar with Marvel’s Avengers, and took it upon himself to sit him down in the living room and watch a few movies together every night. “Only the good ones,” Naruto had insisted. Sasuke didn’t know how many movies were a part of the Avengers universe, but he was suspecting Naruto was just showing him all of them under the guise of selection. It was a  _ lot _ of movies. So many, in fact, that even Sasuke had come across one or two he enjoyed. Or at least would be willing to sit through again.

It wasn’t all fun and games. Sasuke became noticeably more anxious as the anniversary came even closer. He jumped when Akamaru barked, or Kiba and Naruto spoke too loudly or too sharply. He checked the locks on their door out of habit. When he wasn’t spacing out, he was hypervigilant, as if the shadows would come alive and strangle him at a moment’s notice. The paranoia that Itachi would return ran deep. Every unanticipated sound, every slightly disturbed object, every little draft had him tense and ready to fight or flee. Naruto’s alarms were the only thing keeping Sasuke from accidentally starving himself. He threw up a few times. Though he fell asleep quickly now, he was hard-pressed to stay asleep. More than once, he woke up with a yowl, waking Naruto, too. That made Sasuke feel worst of all. Naruto’s patience with him was clearly beginning to wane, though he tried to hide it. Sasuke understood. He was tired, and Sasuke’s behavior was clearly stressing him out. Naruto was too concerned for his own good, winding himself up into a coil of anxiety over Sasuke’s anxiety. Under any other circumstance, he might be able to put up a front and keep Naruto calm. This was the only time he couldn’t, and he hated it.

They stayed up late the night leading into the anniversary. Naruto decided to set up his Gamecube “for nostalgia’s sake”. Sasuke didn’t mind that he sucked at Smash Bros. He was just glad for a distraction. He didn’t have to talk- Naruto and Kiba did more than enough (shit-) talking on their own- and he could concentrate on something other than the darkness pooling inside him. Still, his thoughts drifted. His attention faltered. He walked his character right off the board for a fourth time.

“Sasuke, are you even paying attention?” Kiba crowed, landing a deadly hit on Naruto. 

“AW, GODDAMN IT!” he screeched. Sasuke didn’t answer Kiba. The match ended, and he got up, stretching. “Are you going somewhere?”   
“I’ll be right back,” Sasuke assured. 

He went into Naruto’s room, digging out a fresh set of pajamas from his duffle bag. He felt weird. Not quite a headache, not quite nausea. Just a general malaise that pervaded every inch of his body. He wished he could molt like a snake and be rid of this old him.  _ It’s the anniversary. Twelve hours from now, it will be the time I came home and saw. It will mark a decade since my life completely changed. It feels like a decade should mean something aside from suffering ten years. If Itachi were to come back, would he choose the tenth anniversary? He always liked “round” numbers, whatever that means.  _ A chill ran up his spine.  _ Don’t think about that. He’s not coming. Even if he did manage to find me, he’d go to my apartment. And newsflash: I’m not currently there. As far as he knows, I’d have zero direct connection to Naruto. Or Kiba, for that matter. He’d have to hack into my phone and read my messages to know. I have no social media presence, none with my rael name on it. Naruto’s never taken a picture of us together. There would be no way. In fact, I’m probably safer here than almost anywhere- _

The door creaked open. He was sitting on the edge of Naruto’s bed, hands steepled between his knees.  _ When did I… sit down? How long have I been in here?  _ Naruto slipped in, shutting the door such that the  _ click _ was audible. Sasuke trembled.  _ Did I piss him off? Am I in trouble? Think, think! What could be wrong? _ The bed sank as Naruto sat down nex to him. The silence made his ears ring, his pulse hammering in his veins.

“You’re really not doing okay, are you.”

Sasuke didn’t dare move.  _ It wasn’t a question. How do I respond to that? If I deny it, I’ll be lying. I’m not okay. I’m never okay this time of year. But if I agree, what will happen? He’ll know? He could take me to the hospital. I don’t wanna go. I don’t wanna go, you can’t make me-! _

“I’m not crazy.” He hadn’t necessarily meant to say it aloud, but it was a fact. He could just barely see Naruto nod in the corner of his eye.

“Of course you’re not.” He released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.  _ See, even Naruto agrees: I’m not crazy. I’m not. I’m just having a hard time right now.  _ “I’m just a little worried about you.” Sasuke nodded, acknowledging that he heard him. He couldn’t do much else with his chest tightening like this.  _ If I’m not crazy then why is just talking with him freaking me out? Is it because I always do this alone? Is it because I know he’s losing his patience with me? He’s trying so hard, I just can’t calm down. This sucks, I hate this, I’m so stupid- _

Naruto’s hand closed around his. Sasuke finally managed to look at him. He did look concerned, and gentle, and like everything Sasuke could ever need, and he was so, so afraid.  _ What happens if he betrays my trust? What happens if I hurt him? _

“You should just leave me alone.” Sasuke’s voice had no authority to it, no power or strength. He may as well have been pulling swords out of his throat, that’s how difficult it was to even speak. “I always end up ruining everything. I’m going to hurt you.” Naruto’s thumb rubbed his knuckles.

“So I’ll forgive you, and we’ll start again.” Sasuke shook his head.

“It can’t be that simple, can it?”

“Why can’t it?”

“Because nothing’s ever been simple.” Naruto’s hand brushed his face. He flinched, but didn’t move away. He let him tilt his chin to the side so they were looking deeply into each other’s eyes. Sasuke’s heart jumped into his throat.  _ Naruto’s eyes… _ They were like whirlpools, drawing him in, threatening to never let go. Or maybe, promising to.

“You’re not the type to hurt people for no reason. Forgiving you would be as easy as breathing.”

The door opened. They jumped.

“Not to interrupt a romantic moment, but are you guys gonna come finish the game or what?”

“Jesus, Kiba, it’s not like that! And haven’t you ever heard of knocking?!” Naruto launched a pillow in his direction. He simply closed the door, let it hit that, and then reopened it.

“Whatever. Game or no game?”

“No game, I’m pissed!” Kiba rolled his eyes.

“Alright. Good night, lovebirds. Make good choices.”

“Go fuck yourself!”

Sasuke swallowed uneasily.  _ This isn’t the first time he’s accused us of being something we’re not. Does he know something I don’t?  _ Sasuke watched Naruto pick up his pillow, grumbling.  _ I’ve never felt for anyone what I feel for him, that much is true. But is it love? Should we be together? Am I in any position to even want something like that?  _ Naruto placed the pillow back down, patting Sasuke’s knee before he rolled onto his stomach, tending to his phone buzzing in his pocket.  _ Does he want that? Did he say something to Kiba? Am I missing signals? What would signals even look like? _ Naruto giggled at something on his phone.

“Sasuke, look!” he said, thrusting the screen into his face. He didn’t know what he was looking at, but gave a soft snort when it seemed appropriate. Naruto turned away, typing.  _ Now’s not the time for that. We can deal with it after. I just need to get through today…  _ “Hey.”

Sasuke glanced back at Naruto. He gestured for Sasuke to come closer. He crawled over, cocking his head questioningly. Naruto took him under his arm, pulling him to his chest in a hug. Heat creeped into Sasuke’s face. 

“You need to chill,” Naruto murmured into his hair. Sasuke snorted.

“Easy for you to say.”

They stayed like that for a while, until Naruto’s breathing evened out and soft snores escaped him. Sasuke threw a blanket over him, returning to his previous perch on the side of the bed. He stared at the butsudan, sighing a little.  _ Maybe it’s better to start now, while he’s asleep…  _ He padded into the living room, where the cable box blinked in greeting. He could see by the sickly green glow of the numbers on the microwave. He tried to preserve the house’s sleep, quietly preparing the offerings. He slipped back into Naruto’s bedroom with them, setting them out before the open altar. Naruto had been kind enough to provide candles and incense. His incense were in the form of small chips that lived at the bottom of a deep bowl: “to avoid being a fire hazard, since I fall asleep with them lit sometimes,” he’d said. The scent wafted up as he lit them. Naruto had also provided candles in glass cases, also to prevent fires. Sasuke lifted the tops to light them, then placed the glass over them again. He glanced back. Naruto was still sleeping, undisturbed by the light and scent. 

He shifted, kneeling with his hands pressed together.  _ Mother, Father, Brother… I have missed you every moment since you departed. I think of you all the time. You are alive in my heart and in my memory. I only wish we’d had more time…  _ He breathed.  _ I present to you these offerings in piety. I honor you on this day. I celebrate your lives and mourn your deaths.  _ Tears ran hot down his face.  _ I am trying to heal, as I know you would want for me. I want to learn to give and accept love as you once taught me to do.  _ He swallowed.  _ I’m not sure if I remember what love is supposed to feel like. I’m not sure I remember what love is. I’m so sorry that I have forgotten. I hope you can forgive me.  _ He wiped his face, steadying himself.  _ I beg your guidance. Please, lead me down the path you most desire. Who should love me as you once did? Who should I love as I love you? _

The flames flickered.  _ You gave me life. You created me, and in the short time we had together, you shaped me into someone who knew love, who knew acceptance and belonging. I’m beginning to feel those things for others. I don’t want to disrespect you. I don’t want to let the wrong people into my heart. I don’t want to poison what you’ve taught me. You already know of my dilemma with Kakashi. I wish to accept him as a father figure, but I do not wish to dishonor you, Father. And now…  _ He swallowed again.  _ Naruto is my friend. I care for him. If he becomes familial to me, would it dishonor you, Brother, to accept him as another sibling? If he becomes a source of nurturing, would it dishonor you, Mother, to accept him as a maternal force? If there’s a potential for something else… Is it right? Would you accept him? Is it what you would want for me? _

There was never an answer. He never received one before, and he wouldn’t receive one now.  _ I know I have to make decisions for myself. Even when you were alive, I was unlike you. I was the rebellious second son. I hungered for approval, and I acted out for attention. I was young and foolish. Maybe I still am. I’m not a man of tradition like you, Father. I’m not a believer in fate or destiny like you, Mother. I’m not well-behaved and disciplined like you, Brother. Even so, you loved me and encouraged me. You accepted me and gave me a place to call home. I haven’t had “home” in so long. If I find it in others, will you be displeased? _ He wished the photographs could speak.  _ Do I honor you well on the anniversary? In my daily life? Is there something more you need of me? Or is it time to let go, to move on, to push forward? For so long, I’ve been lost. I’ve lived in darkness. Your light was far behind me. But now, there’s a glimmer ahead. Do I follow it, or do I stay still and let the darkness envelope me? _ He squeezed his eyes shut.  _ I just want to do right by you, as you did by me until the day you died. And I want to live. Not just walk and eat and breathe, but  _ _ live _ _ .  _

He changed to lotus style. He always meditated before the altar. It was the one time he allowed himself to feel his feelings without judgment or shame or doubt. He let wave after wave of anxiety wash over him.  _ Acknowledge it… Let it go… Acknowledge it… Let it go…  _ It was laced with anger and pain, with confusion and hurt. The waves numbed him, pulling him away from his shore. He didn’t want to let go and let the current take him, but fighting it only created a riptide. He felt himself sinking beneath it...

_ I’m trapped beneath rolling black waves, unable to breathe. Which direction am I facing? I can barely see the bubbles. My limbs are leaden. I choke again, reach out my hands, upward, searching for a surface I cannot break. I am so far down, all I can see is a little pinprick of light. I’ll never make it. I’ll die here, cold and alone. Alone…  _

_ A hand grabs mine, yanks me up roughly. I can feel my shoulder tear, and water rushes in as I cry out. I cough and splutter. Air, precious air. I try to move, too soon. It hurts, it all hurts. My shoulder radiates pain, and the rest of me aches. I lie there trembling, palms pressed to the floor. It’s slick and wet. Is it water? Blood? Goosebumps raise along my arms as a voice fills my head.  _

_ "Foolish little brother…”  _

_ I’m wrenched up by my hair, forced to kneel. I cannot close my eyes. My parents lie limp on the floor. They don’t even twitch. I can’t hear myself scream, only feel it scraping its way out of my throat. My brother is standing between the bodies, a large knife held firm and steady in his hand. Blood drips thick off the blade. _

_ “Why?!” I cry. “Why, why, why?!” _

_ In an instant, our noses are nearly touching. The man’s cold eyes bore into me. I don’t know him anymore. _

_ “You are weak. Why are you so weak?” _

_ “Why won’t you answer me?!”  _

_ “You lack... hatred.” _

_ His face morphs, horrifically, into the face of another man. His serpentine smile twists at the corners, impossibly wide. _

_ “Hate me!” he says, in both their voices. I scream as he bites down on my shoulder. The teeth feel like blades. “Hate me and live! Never say a word! No one will believe you…!”  _

_ I’m lying on the floor again. My father’s eyes stare blankly into mine. A fly lands on his face. We are both soaking in the puddle of blood on the floor. It sticks to me like glue. I can’t get up. All I can do is take in the details of my father’s pale face, watch as it begins to corrode before my eyes, as if made of crumbing stone. ‘I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t  _ _ breathe _ _ …!’  _

_ _ He jolted awake, a cold sweat on his skin. A familiar hand caressed his cheek.

“It was just a dream. I’m here.” The candles were still burning. The smoke from the incense rose and curled in the air. His head rested in Naruto’s lap. He had taken up Sasuke’s vigil in his stead, his hands pressed together in front of his face, his eyes closed and head dipped slightly in reverence. Sasuke slowly sat up. Naruto didn’t move. All he did was mouth silent words behind his hands.

They sat there until the sun rose, peeking quietly through the slim window at the top of the far wall. Basement apartments weren’t exactly known for their natural light. It was only when the light had touched the wall before them that Naruto rose, bowing to the altar.

“Do you fast, Sasuke?” he asked.

“Yes,” he replied.

“Alright.” 

He left a light touch on his shoulder before he exited the room, the door quietly clicking shut behind him.

Sasuke spoke in his mind to his family. He meditated. He prayed, he supposed. Naruto often rejoined him, silently, as if he were Sasuke’s shadow. He did not ask any more questions, did not attempt to distract or dissuade Sasuke, did not make suggestions or give feedback. He simply observed with him, a quiet companion. Sasuke allowed himself to feel what he felt. He grieved, he rejoiced. He felt all he must feel. Naruto’s gaze cast no judgment on him, induced no shame, and voiced no doubt. There was nothing but a serene acceptance of what was, what is, and what shall be. 

4:38pm passed with a calmness and stillness Sasuke had never known possible.

He gave himself time, as much as he needed for the flow of tears to ebb. When he breathed now, he felt lighter. He blew out the candles and crushed the incense. The altar would stay open and the pictures up until morning, allowing his family to enjoy the offerings. Sasuke said nothing as he stood. He drank water, offered it to Naruto. Naruto drank as well.

“Let’s go for a walk, Naruto,” he said at last. He nodded.

The blizzard had settled into a light snowfall. They walked in the middle of the street, snow and ice crunching beneath their boots. Their breaths swirled in the air. It was quiet, as if the whole world were observing this memorial.  _ He kept his promises. He didn’t intrude. He held vigil with me that whole time. He made sure that even when I had fallen asleep, someone was with my family. There could be no greater sign than this.  _ He reached out. Naruto was wearing the gloves Sasuke had given him. It felt like so long ago now.  _ I won’t fight it anymore. Mother, Father, Brother… if you accept him, then I do, too. We will be what we will be.  _ Naruto smiled, squeezing Sasuke’s hand a little. They continued hand-in-hand. There was no judgment, no shame, no doubt. There wasn’t even the pressure of expectation or obligation. It just was. He felt free. 

They paused beneath a streetlamp. Naruto cupped Sasuke’s face. His eyes embraced him before his arms. Sasuke didn’t flinch, didn’t cringe or pull away. When Naruto’s lips met his, he pressed forward, yearning for closeness.  _ Things won’t be easy, or simple. But they will be better. For the first time, I have someone to lean on. No matter what. Please, Naruto, treat me well. I’ll stay by your side forever…  _

The feeling in Sasuke’s heart kept him warm all the way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who has read, left kudos, and commented on my work. this was my first published fic ever, and definitely a longer piece than i thought it'd be. it's been such a journey and i've learned a lot. thank you, thank you, thank you! i hope you enjoy this work and future works, too!


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